Ask Anything Monday!

[PeppiPatty]

Good point @Proof_of_Light

My dear darling friend who I have deep wonderful feelings for is an alcoholic and she works hard as a Primary School Teacher and shes really wealthy and always has posted her gorgeous boyfriend and his family. 

And millions of people press like on her gorgeous looks and her .....amazing daughters.....and her  wonderful life. 

But I know what really happening in her life.

[Shaz51]

very good point @PeppiPatty, @Proof_of_Light

@NikNik, @BamBam, @JackJane , yes hald the things people put on facebook are untrue

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

A big thanks to @JackJane @BamBam @PeppiPatty @Shaz51 @Proof_of_Light for your contribution to last week's question. Some amazing responses and discussions there!

Here is this week's Ask Anything Monday:

Am I aiming to low?

The other day I met an amazing person. It was all coincidental - I was meeting some friends for lunch and this person came along.. so they are a friend of a friend.

They were seated next to me and so naturally we started to chat. I didn't disclose to them that I have bipolar, but it was like the universe deliberately sat them next to me, as next minute they were sharing with me they had been in hospital because they had an episode, but was feeling much better now and was talking about their career, their family and just regular every day to day stuff.

This blew me away. I've been diagnosed with bipolar for 7 years now and a lot of the time don't feel like I can function in regular society. I can't keep a job and I'm not in a relationship - in fact I hide out a lot from the world. I had accepted this as my reality and had accepted that I won't have a career or a normal family life (marriage / kids etc). But this person made me think otherwise....

Have I been aiming too low? How do I aim higher?

[BamBam]

A similar thing happened to me when in hospital. I met someone who has had mental illness since she was nine and has still managed to raise four children and have a house.

My understanding is that these things are made harder by MI, but aren't impossible and in any case shouldn't be seen as evidence you have aimed too low. There are all sorts of circumstances that dictate the direction our lives take (she envied my university degree) and even two people with the same diagnosis have wildly varying symptoms anyway. I think you should just consider it nice that you connected with someone with some understanding of your situation and some of the challenges of having an episode etc. And if you think you have some goals to kick then by all means take small steps towards action!

[NikNik]

An awesome response through facebook:

Personally, I'd love you to aim higher. I think you sound amazing and I believe you can do anything you truly want to do. What have you got to lose?? If you aim for the highest point, but don't quite get there... so what?? You'll be in a better place than you are now, you'll have the knowledge that you tried, you'll learn a huge amount about yourself and life along the journey and, who knows, you might get where you're aiming anyway. Never see anything you try for and don't quite get to as a failure. It's a learning curve, a pre-cursor to success or a trial run. I think you just need someone to say "Give it a go!" Super good luck to you x x

[Shaz51]

i agree @NikNik, @BamBam, @Proof_of_Light, @JackJane

[Peter_Pan78]

Interesting question. I think the key is truly knowing yourself (which can be difficult if a mental illness stifles your true personality). It's natural to want what others have, ie. partner, kids, job, etc. but focussing so much on what one doesn't have can be detrimental to recovery. If you wish to find a partner there are dating sites (you can get to know somebody slowly on your own terms) or join a club to meet new people. Though I'm happily married I didn't have many friends. I joined a writing group because I loved to write and met lots of interesting people who are now my friends. Just being a member of a group increased my already good well being. Sometimes we need to take some risks, ie go out of our comfort zone to meet new people. You never know where it might lead. 😉 Good luck 😊

[PeppiPatty]

But though agree with @NicNic.....

THeres something very soft and caring about @BamBam and @Peter_Pan78 which........feels like something I could see happening and empathetic in 'everyones story. 

When @BamBam wrote about someone having jealousy re; her having a Uni degree.....that's a whole new ....path of strength and moving that no one should not take for granted. 

Who's been there?? 

I certainly have.........

[Peter_Pan78]

Thanks @PeppiPatty. I like to see my soft and caring nature as a strength these days (unlike when I was younger). I guess that's why I love working in disability services where such qualities are appreciated. 😊

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Peter_Pan78

We are a community of people with lived experience and what makes us so good is

Good Facillitating 

Intuition

Dunno.....what else??

Im almost 50 years old many many years of "Im not good enough" because I'm like so so maternal and compassionate. And my parents are so so .....self involved and NO insight. All intellect. 

I guess why I love this forum so much is that.my feel talk is accepted.

I found that in your message. I felt that you write about taking risks in your own life. Also, it's just a feeling I have........that intamacy is something that many people struggle with ....

For instance in my own marriage; When we  both re met;

we were both struggling with intimacy for instance; .....

 leaning on each other. He was this....med taking...SO SCared of the hospital and Psychiatrists....Only until I had a real experience of how they treated him.....oh dear.....

When we re    ...met;

I was 9 to 5 stay on the program .....I had NO understanding of breaking rules and giving my partner a break on how it felt for him being so so undermined by society and family.

I had my own story it was important I got through.

I took hinm straight to see my Psychotherapist....and had a program. I cannot believe I was so insensetive. 

This is just my feeling; What you write is my story. too @Peter_Pan78......you write:

 I think the key is truly knowing yourself

. It's natural to want what others have, ie. partner, kids, job, etc.

If you wish to find a partner there are dating sites

Though I'm happily married I didn't have many friends. I joined a writing group because I loved to write and met lots of interesting people who are now my friends.

Just being a member of a group increased my already good well being.

Sometimes we need to take some risks, ie go out of our comfort zone to meet new people.

You write about these small pointers like you actually know what your talking about.Not just write something. Like so many people I know......

They say to me; oh, Anne, you have to KNOW yourself. But they dont know themselves but they say it because it's what they were taught. 

......Rack .off and get to know yourself is what I want to say!! But not to you!!

Thanks. My life is VERY difficult at the moment. My poor husband had just completed moving in with me. The poor man is struggling with the change. It's hard on me......but now I have an experience of what he's going through....much harder for him ( I still have support worker and friends around me I run over and drink coffee ) He is always confused and needs me 24/7

@PP