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21 Nov 2017 03:13 PM - edited 21 Nov 2017 09:21 PM
21 Nov 2017 03:13 PM - edited 21 Nov 2017 09:21 PM
Hi Appleblossom, people avoid the topic of suicide, or fly into a panic if its bought up. It scares them I think. Its a fine line between productive and destructive discussion on the matter. Depending a lot on how its received. I have a theory that the discussion of suicide takes away much of the unknown, and therefore reduces fear so we can think clearly and not do it.
A friend of mine in hospital (both very suicidal) had a sober discussion one day about what one of us should do if the other dies. Neither of us were certain if we could stop ourselves. We agreed, should it happen, the one left behind would see the other as 'at peace now' and not be upset. Well, that was her words. A year later she did it, on mothers day 😞 at her parents house. I remembered what we agreed.
Really don't know how I'm still here, or why some survive and others don't. One thing I do know is 'its OK to crawl into a cave and get out of the storm'.
My family are stressing about mum again, which makes me feel more powerless, being away too, and abandoned by them. And closer to home ppl here will be cross I've cancelled myself for a week, but... ...
oh dear, it does sound murky, need to go think 💜
21 Nov 2017 03:16 PM
21 Nov 2017 03:16 PM
@Former-Member ... do you have data at home, I know you didn't in Steak & Kidney.
If so this song really helped me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsccUg4TDd8
21 Nov 2017 05:11 PM
21 Nov 2017 05:11 PM
Yes I understand how irresponsible talk about suicide can trigger and amplify problems. However with someone in my shoes it just meant I felt silenced about the most important topics to work through and discuss .. and nobody was really up to it ... even in clinical settings. So I looked after them and protected them of the true horrors I was dealing with by not raising it unless it was impossible to stop or a new pressing issue occurred. Now I am a bit angry that I was protecting workers in the field keep their pretty ideas about noce jobs in offices wearing nice clothes while my son had to see the real me in deep struggle.
Now I am a bit stronger ... I have begun challenging a lot more .. and so I do say .. where were the grown ups when I needed them? Its good they are here now.
Anyway it seems related to social change and I am lucky I am a survivor. It has been a very close call more than hundreds of times. Somehow I have managed to stay this side of an attempt. I have not crossed the line. Partly because of Anna Karenina. I thought she was immature, far more immature than my little brother or sister, who had much more difficult practical and moral conditions to manage. I respect my siblings choices as representative of their pain and not about hurting me, even though it did hurt me and many others a lot.
RIP
ALL SUICIDES
Especially my brother and sister and uncle, his brother and a few old friends.
21 Nov 2017 05:19 PM - edited 21 Nov 2017 05:22 PM
21 Nov 2017 05:19 PM - edited 21 Nov 2017 05:22 PM
Good song @Former-Member ........
you are supportive........
You know @Former-Member......my husband and me go to church.......we know we are'nt cool.........we are'nt going to get the award Australia for being the most well balanced people in Perth, Western Australia for at least two more years.
I was told at our church : the Pastors iwife and a good friend of mine : told me three or four months ago that you can tell Jesus that things are too hard. And give him your problems to resolve. I pysically "give,' them to him.
Jesus will sort it out for you.
I do this most of the time.
Blessings andcare to you @Former-Member xxx
21 Nov 2017 07:59 PM - edited 21 Nov 2017 09:32 PM
21 Nov 2017 07:59 PM - edited 21 Nov 2017 09:32 PM
Here! Here! @Appleblossom, and i'd like to say a big RIP to my friend M### & all those lost to suicide. I know as you do Apple, as a survivor, that SI & suicide is mostly about escaping high levels of ongoing distress & emotional pain. I'm not sure I've reached that place you're at yet, being 'glad you're a survivor' but i am glad the distress has lessoned over time to a bearable level most days, and thus the SI screams are quieter.
So here we are, we found each other and talkin 'real issues' without fear. Thank you too Appleblossom & Faith-and-Hope 🙂
As for professionals in their comfe offices & overpriced 50min hours... They mean well I'm sure but tend to burn out navigating a complex system designed to protect itself before those with MI.. But what would I know lol
@PeppiPatty, you keep showing up at church with all your perfect imperfections & honour God. Its what the Kingdom of heaven is about - being real about all our failures before God & walking each other home in humility 💜
@Former-Member, I avoid YouTube because I have limited data access, but thank you, I'll check it next I login at the library 💜
I haven't heard how mum is andctoo paralysed here on my couch to navigate trying to find out when I already know what theyrexgonna say and mum mocks my expressions of love. I have nothing to give atm.
Need to share a thought; I keep wanting to jump in my car and go to a chalet motel for the night, get away, out of the house indefinately, take in the scenery... But
This is also part of a #### i formulated years back, that doesn't end well :). So out of fear I stop myself enjoying anything and lock myself at home, freeze here on the couch with the TV on, trapped inside my home where I'm safest. I hope. Hope its ok to an I say that...
22 Nov 2017 12:49 AM
22 Nov 2017 12:49 AM
Listen to the strongest instinct for your own good. @Former-Member There are many people whose lives you have touched. I have had elaborate plans and then have to face them and the memories when they pop up when I had not planned it, but I am finding that ALL the REASONS are the mind churning and its way of coping and DOING THE GRIEF WORK.
I have been through hell in the last 3 months but now I have been offered an opportunity to do a solo with really good musicians which shows such respect. It is such a surprise and an honour. It is perfect for me becasue I am also very shy and dont like being exposed so will be the centre part in 5 part work. I kind of like being the rock and singing in the middle of the chord. They are also good people for my son to network with, so I just need to keep taking that next stop and watch the mystery of life unfold. A year ago I would have never dreamed it, but that goes for some of the not so positive stuff too. Yet the fabric of life is rich and I have to come to terms with that and try not to worry about what things might look like. Stick to what is.
22 Nov 2017 02:32 AM
22 Nov 2017 02:32 AM
24 Nov 2017 12:19 PM
24 Nov 2017 12:19 PM
24 Nov 2017 01:08 PM
24 Nov 2017 01:08 PM
24 Nov 2017 01:40 PM
24 Nov 2017 01:40 PM
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