PND & marriage problems

[TassieMum]

Hi there, how are you?

This is my first time posting so I hope I am doing it correctly. Would love to know if anyone out there can relate or give any advice

I have a 2 year old son and after a lovely relaxed pregnancy was very unexpectedly diagnosed with pnd in the weeks after he was born. I was very emotional and while I knew I loved my baby so much I didn't feel I was cut out to be a mum and worried we had done the wrong thing having a baby, even though he was very much planned and wanted. Once I started taking the medication the fog cleared and I started to enjoy my little man, we are now the best of friends and I couldn't imagine my life without him! My husband was excellent during this time, really there for me.

I went off meds when he was about 6 months old, and have been coping well.

Over the past few months though my husband and I have been arguing a bit, always over the fact that I don't feel any love from him. He says he hasn't changed and when I really think about it I don't think that he probably has, I think that maybe I have changed since becoming a mum and I need that extra love and support and reassurance. I have asked him to show me more affection and really make me feel like he has thought about me every single day, just little things like leaving me a note or sending me a text during his work day etc. He feels he is trying hard and I keep knocking him down which is probably true to an extent, there has been improvement but generally only when I keep reminding him and I just want to be his first priority, someone he does nice things for and loves because it's second nature, not because I am at him all the time. He is an amazing dad and a hard worker, but I just feel no love at all and can feel my mood change and guard go up when he walks in the door from work even!

I sometimes wonder if I am being a bit irrational and maybe the pnd has come back in a different way causing these problems. I don't know how to distinguish if what I am feeling is real or not

I understand that this isn't somewhere to get diagnosed, but as a first step I just wanted to see what other people thought and if anyone has been through something similar.

Thank you so much x

[Former-Member]

Hi @TassieMum. Firstly a big warm welcome to the Forums - thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations on your new baby boy 🙂 I’m so sorry to hear how hard things things have been adjusting to parenthood, it can be such a tiring and stressful time, especially juggling a husband in the mix too 🙂

I can assure you that you’re not alone in what you’re going through. There are several members on this Forum who have struggled during the early months of motherhood. You might like to read over these threads:

Friendships after PND

Unsure where to turn

To self-admit or not

Another baby after PND

Fellow members @Undertheweather @Bron1206 @Bec1985 @Former-Member @Bluestar have shared their experiences with PND before. I wonder if they can relate, or offer any wisdom about married life after having a baby. I have not gone through this myself, but I can imagine going from just the two of you, suddenly to 3 must be a huge adjustment for any marriage, no matter how strong it is. Becoming parents and embodying that role as best as you can, whilst keeping your 'old selves' alive is a big life transition for many (most?) marriages I would assume. It's easy to have a communication breakdown when you're both working so hard and tired all the time. 

@TassieMum I don’t know if you’ve looked into any of the information or support groups available through PANDA. They’re a great resource for PND. We also have moderators from PANDA on this forum. @PANDA, can you offer any information or advice to offer TassieMum?

Welcome once again! Please take a look around and happy posting