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27 Jun 2017 12:32 PM
27 Jun 2017 12:32 PM
@RainbowAuntie - thank you for your words of encouragement. Have you found a way to drop the anchor in the Hark Moments? I have, some days I can do that. I love your name here, I m having a rainbow enthusiasm at the moment. I bought rainbow fingerless mittens, a rainbow knitted hat. I bought a new large cut crystal and it shines and shines across the room sending moments of now, remember the now.
Hope you are well.
27 Jun 2017 01:11 PM
27 Jun 2017 01:11 PM
28 Jun 2017 09:12 AM
28 Jun 2017 09:12 AM
28 Jun 2017 02:44 PM
28 Jun 2017 02:44 PM
Hugs @MoonGal
03 Jul 2017 02:05 PM
03 Jul 2017 02:05 PM
So the last week has been a progress. I have gone from wanting "to pierce the heart of the past..." and then trying to find a way back to the locked in, harmed, child - to want to be clear in how I set off on that rescue mission. So I made a Packing List to ensure I took the best of my adult self with me.
I am pretty sure that what keeps her (the little one in the image above) locked in is shame.
I have often confused guilt and shame and they are distinctly different. According to Paul Gilbert's "*The Compassionate Mind" Shame is self-focused and Guilt is other focused. The journey is just being revealed day by day. Pencil stroke by brush stroke. This way of approach, with a very good psychotherapist, my own deep desire to heal and using art/words to help me bypass the critical self, has a different qualitative feel to any work I have done before.
It is exciting and scary.
Image and words by Me. 2 July 2017.
__________
** a book I am listening to as an Audible - but which is also a print book see more at link -
Compassionate Mind: https://compassionatemind.co.uk/individuals/audio-for-individuals
05 Jul 2017 06:08 PM - edited 05 Jul 2017 06:10 PM
05 Jul 2017 06:08 PM - edited 05 Jul 2017 06:10 PM
My heart and mind keep coming back to this blue bear whose photo I took in a shop last week ... You see, he is an almost exact replica of my Blue Bear I loved since I was born. He who accompanied me through my tumultuous childhood. Then - at sixteen years old, two years after running away from a hard-home to live with a narcissistic, violent bastard... Blue Bear was burned (to death) on a revenge bonfire.
The man, let's call him Bruce, burned all my childhood books, my whole set of Winnie -the-Pooh, my Trixie Belden set, my own stories and poetry written in exercise books.
A conflagration of his uncontained rage.
I think it was because he could not stand to think that I had a self, a life, a centre that was not him. Just another tool in a toolkit of emotionally and physically violent control. "See what I can do?" .... "This could be you."
(He must of had a very hard childhood too.)
So, I lost the few of my own things of meaning, the slim little bit I had of mySelf ... Back then. So long ago. 40 years ago now. I am on a Rescue Mission going back even further than that too, but visiting my 16 year old is important, she was just a hopeful child, still.
Maybe it is enough to just tell the story, grieve for the girl. Grieve for the bear, the books, the poetry.
(He also killed my dog when I was 17, but that is a tale too hard to hear.)
Maybe... I don't need the blue bear, just need to honour the spirit of the child who loved him, who watched him burn.
Maybe it is enough to acknowledge the losses. I tell the tale here so it can be witnessed. Some things need to have the spotlight shone. Telling the truth. Some may say this is too personal to share. I say it is LIFE and I share it, lived in shame for too long. I am glad I survived to tell the tale ❤️ I am now loved and love. And surrounded by real lovely beings - my lovely wife and furkids, a garden full of plants to tend.
No, I do not need this bear, I have all the love I need right here, Now.
________
Moongal. 5 July 2017. Creating wellness - painting, story telling., poems.... Hope it may be of benefit to others too... Love. Is. All. There. Is.
05 Jul 2017 07:27 PM
05 Jul 2017 07:27 PM
Thank you for sharing your story here @MoonGal. You have nothing in the world to be ashamed of.
20 Jul 2017 04:28 PM
20 Jul 2017 04:28 PM
Hello lovelies, hope you are all as well as you can be and have found something to smile or laugh about today, sending you deep hugs. I can't spend time browsing because I am trying to stay offline as much as possible and rest my shoulders, I have capsulitis, and it got worse and worse even with physiotherapy, so I had an injection in one yesterday, wailed a bit, it is a horrible thing to have, thankfully pretty quick though.
Sending love and hugs and sisterhood to @Shaz51, @Appleblossom, @Phoenix_Rising, @Faith-and-Hope
here's a bit of a burble...
I read a quote that shook my chakras the other day that I am repeating to myself every day...
"The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in."
~ Rumi ~
I mentioned I am listening to Paul Gilbert's book "The Compassionate Mind" which was recommended to me by my fabulous psychotherapist*. I am practising being compassionate to myself... here below are some quotes and notes I have made in listening to this book so far, I share because other's may find this helpful, and if the idea of making a friend of yourself, and extending compassion to the inner being, who struggles, and who wants to be at peace, if finding a pathway that may help... I have looked my whole life, and shall always be a seeker I think. But I feel I am coming closer and closer to the whole, as whole as I can be anyway - maybe there are permanently broken off bits that will never get stuck back on, and that are the bits that I can accept. Acceptance is a way of life, a deep philosophy that I have struggled with because I have been so damaged and hurt, I arc up when I think I must accept some terrible thing, but that is because I have been afraid to love my broken bits. I am starting to love all of me. wow.
"Experiences in consciousness are co-constructed in our relationships with each other"
Paul Gilbert
'The Compassionate Mind'.
~ We make and can help unmake each other...
~ Criticism and shame activate threat systems.
~ Fostering kindness and compassion creates and activates CONTENTEDNESS SYSTEM
~ All people need compassion and kindness. We co- regulate people's brain states.
~ The kinder and more compassionate we are towards ourselves the more tolerant (kind) we are towards ourselves when experiencing distress - loss, grief, ***anxiety***.
There is audio for individuals on his website here: https://compassionatemind.co.uk/individuals/audio-for-individuals
________________
20 Jul 2017 05:24 PM
20 Jul 2017 05:24 PM
sooo wonderful to hear from you my wonderful sister @MoonGal xoxo
Hello @Jacques, @RainbowAuntie, @Phoenix_Rising, @Appleblossom
20 Jul 2017 05:25 PM
20 Jul 2017 05:25 PM
sooo wonderful to hear from you my wonderful sister @MoonGal xoxo
Hello @Jacques, @RainbowAuntie, @Phoenix_Rising,
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