A long rave

[eth]

Snap!! @CheerBear  just found your post elsewhere.  I'm good thanks.  And you?

I've bombed out around 9pm 2 nights in a row now after just 1 glass of wine.  My 7 pm meds seem to be affecting me a lot more strongly or else it's just exhaustion from the last few days of hecticness.  We were 9 for dinner again last night.

No,I'm following you!!!  Will stay here knowing you'll be back .....

[CheerBear]

Haha it's funny trying to catch people here sometimes in real time @eth!

I can imagine you neeing sleep early after being so busy during the days. Do you find yourself waking up early if you crash early?

We've been having a similar sounding time with bigger groups of people around lately. I'm staying where we've had a group that is slowly leaving again and had 6 adults and my kids last night. It's been tiring but nice.

I'm feeling a but funny this morning. I crashed early too but didnt sleep well throughout the night with a very hot night. I've just watched a little storm roll by which was pretty cool 🙂

[eth]

I always have very broken sleep @CheerBear, often 6 - 8 batches of 1 to 2 hours.  But mostly I have a ciggie and head straight back to bed.  Have gotten up and come on here after the 3rd or 4th nap just a few times lately.  Most of the time I'm not too stressed about that pattern as long as I get 8 hours even tho it can take 10 - 12 hours to get that overall.  But then I have periods where I feel like 6 hours is enough and get bored with trying to get back to sleep so many times all the time.  I've had some months now of resisting the 'blue screen' at night as it's recommended in terms of 'sleep hygeine'.  But it's nice to connect in the wee hours like now and I always miss it when I'm not doing it.

Raving!......

A peaceful moment and a small night storm - sounds lovely.  What do you think the 'feeling funny' is about?

[CheerBear]

I can relate to the feeling of it being nice to connect sometimes during the early hours after wonky night @eth, even when wonky is your normal. Sleep hygiene ideas are great and can help sometimes, but for those of us with serious sleep issues the idea of sleep hygiene as a solution, as it is so often thrown around, can feel annoying to me in a way. Sounds tough with your sleep. I have a problem with waking early regardless of what time I go to bed and go through patches where an early wake up I because of a big jolt inside which leads to panic feelings and kind of a surge of energy. I'm trying to work on it while also kind of accepting it is the way it is a I find fighting it can make it worse. Do your meds help you?

I think my funny feelings are a bit of a post big stress crash. I'm also having an annoying time with hormones too which might not be helping at the moment.

[eth]

Yes @CheerBear  I've spent years doing what I call 'jump starting' - exactly as you describe the jolt into panic almost before I'm awake.  Recently I was put on a med that blocks adrenalin receptors that psychiatrist says is good for reducing PTSD nightmares and night symptoms.  The dose has gradually increased (and still is) and at this stage I'm having gentler wake-ups with less recollection of dreams and not sitting or standing up before I even know I'm awake. WHich feels like a real breakthrough.  Able to lie there and collect my thoughts a bit before getting up some of the time.  (I'm also on 2 mood stabilisers and 1 antipsychotic - I start to feel like I'm rattling with all the meds I have to take - a total of 13 tablets a day).  And not obsessing about anxieties and what ifs so much of the time.

It's no wonder hormones are still strong and tricky @CheerBear, as well as you having a bit of a crash post- stress.  You've been carrying a large load and supporting so many others while dealing with your own challenges too.  You're a survivor but more than that a warrior the way you keep getting back up.

[eth]

Hi @Appleblossom!

[Appleblossom]

Hello @eth and @CheerBear

I am not sure if you are still around.  I have not slept at all. I took prn, but not enough. 

CB I can relate to your waking style of a jolt and confusion re panic feelings.

I have zoo tomorrow but I am not sure if I should go as I am not in a good mind space, and I am supposed to be doing young kids 2-8.  I dont have to interact, I can just be quiet and do the practical things I guess.

I walked down the street and met a beautiful family of 4 children under 5 years old.  The oldest was so eager and and proud and introducing his younger sibs.  They have only been here for a month.  He had dark skin and wonderful English.

At Boxing Day lunch I asked a guy who had been born in Malawi Africa, but was ethnically Indian, whether he minded if people asked him where he was really from.  He said he did not mind, that it was natural to ask.

[CheerBear]

I like the term 'jump starting', though don't like that you experience it also @eth. It really is a big energy surge jolt! It's great that you're having more gentle sounding sleep and waking. I started a mood stabiliser not too long ago for the first time ever and found it helpful. I then had to stop it for a little while and am now gradually getting back to a what seemed to be a therapeutic dose. I think once I can get back to that level things might be smoother again. Same with hormones too probably. It will help once they find a normal balance again I think.

Thanks for your kind words eth. You have a warrior about you also, in your determination and resolve. While there are so many not so great effects of going through hard times, I think they can add to our drive to make it through also and we can sometimes take something helpful from our experiences.

Hi @Appleblossom. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time and are not in a good mind space. Sleepless nights dont help there.

I can imagine the zoo being pretty busy tomorrow with school holidays and the sun shining. That would be difficult if you aren't in the right frame of mind.

[eth]

Sorry to hear  you've not slept @Appleblossom.  Hopefully you can have some more rest before you have to go volunteer today.  

I wonder if the people you describe are refugees?  Mum's very involved in supporting them in Brisbane and fighting for their rights, especially in relation to Manus and Nairu.

I may go back to bed soon so if I disappear that's why AB and @CheerBear.

[Appleblossom]

 @eth It did not seem right to enquire, as the children were excited in friendly "Merry Christmas" mode.  I just joked around with them for 5 minutes.  The dad was nursing the bub, while the heat was easing up in early evening. The mother came down the street.  Mr 5 was so insistent and gorgeous I could not walk by without being friendly.

I have worked with various refugees from different places over the years.  I will let friendship grow organically if its wanted.  In my head, later, I thought I could do some music with them, but then felt confused about whether I was not well and should keep myself separate. It also gave me a look at what 4 kids under 6 years looks like, which we do not see very often any more. That was what my mum had when she went into psych hospital and we went into care.  Her English was not fantastic, but good enough.  I never blamed her, but she was so defensive.