@utopia so pleased to see that you are going to hospital tomorrow. This is defintiely the 'break' that you needed . I hope that you can get some relief from the day-to-day struggles and can find some inner peace once more 
I will be sitting right beside you, holding your hand, rubbing your soft dressing gown against your cheek - laughing with you, crying with you and loving you whole heartedly. Even though you will be on your own in there - you will not be alone. When you need to feel someone with you - remember that dream that you had on the beach - and imagine a small butterfly whispering in your ear. I hope this is the beginning of much hope and joy coming back into your life. I love you my beautiful little cocky friend...
Zoe 
@Faith-and-Hope Where to start???...
Your words brought tears to my eyes
There are times when I feel so alone that the world outside doesn't even seem to exist. Other times I feel so lonely that I don't want the world to exist!
I certainly can't hear 'the music' at the moment and am not even searching for the record to play!
This sounds very defeatest - and in a way it is - but I don't have the energy or resouces at present to fight this. Staying connected on here is my sole outlet when I feel like this - and just this small connection outside of myself is enough to keep me going in the moment.
The obvious question if I took the 'final' path would be why? - but in my own head the question becomes why not! I get that others can see what I can't presently - but they can't see the pain within and the effect that it has had over so much time. It feels a bit like a worn out tyre - that tyre goes round and round, over the same surfaces but in a multitude of directions. This all adds to the wear on the tread of that tyre until it is so worn down that it can't grip the road or stay inflated. The result is that tyre blows from the inside out and is finally destroyed - that is how I am feeling.
