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29 Jan 2017 04:55 PM - edited 29 Jan 2017 06:54 PM
29 Jan 2017 04:55 PM - edited 29 Jan 2017 06:54 PM
Hello Everyone
I have been writting this is another thread and I thought I would open a new thread to see if others feel the same way and what you do
Moderators let me know if it is ok to put here xx
Love to hear from others on the forum if you experience this
My hubby has been diagnosed with lots of things and has had MI all his life
do you find things goes ok and then i start to feel confident and wanting to go forward and then everytime something always happens to upset it
-- sometimes I think is it a controlling thing ?? that he wants to be in control ??
Don`t know if I am making this up , but i have that feeling ,
29 Jan 2017 07:44 PM
29 Jan 2017 07:44 PM
Hello @Determined
you wrote is very very true my friend
you wrote
I don't know why that question is so hard to answer but here are some thoughts for what they are worth:
The key thing is that I have to make a conscious effort not to get too confident or excited when things are going well and over commit myself (something I am prone to do).
Also to remember that it is the illness not my darling that is driving the behaviour and,
While the behaviour often seems like a control issue I'm not convinced that the motivation is to control?
(At least in our case),
I often wonder if there may be a fear that if I am invested elsewhere, as naturally happens when things are going well, that I will not be there for support, due to my previously burying myself in work as a means of coping, not only with our situation (supporting the MI) but also the loss of my father. So when things are going well and I am starting to do more for myself it becomes an issue?
I am dealing with that theory by working at rebuilding trust in this area that my darling is the most important thing in my life and my number 1 priority. When other things pop up I have had to learn to say NO! and not spread myself too thin while balancing the fact that it is reasonalbe for me to sometimes actually do somthing for myself.
Hope that helps 🙂
29 Jan 2017 08:03 PM
29 Jan 2017 08:03 PM
Hello @Determined, @Former-Member
I hope you didn`t mind me coping your message over here
I am trying to find the right name for the heading
what you have said is soo true , and there would be a lot of others carers feel llike us
I love what you said I am dealing with that theory by working at rebuilding trust in this area that my darling is the most important thing in my life and my number 1 priority. When other things pop up I have had to learn to say NO! and not spread myself too thin while balancing the fact that it is reasonalbe for me to sometimes actually do somthing for myself.
My mind is going a hundred miles an hour at the moment , I want to say sooo much
have to come back and write more
29 Jan 2017 08:07 PM
29 Jan 2017 08:07 PM
Hi @Shaz51
Perfectly happy for you to copy it across, I was abou to do the same myself you beat me 🙂
I have included my original response below
--------------------------
Reading your comments now this is how I often feel.
People often laugh when I say that the light at the end of the tunnel is likely a train but that is how it feels. Problem is I am always looking out for the train.
Re a control thing?
At least in our case I think that my darling is so used to the turmoil in her mind that she does not know what to do if things are ok.
I feel bad for thinking this, especially as my darling is so unwell at the moment but it is hard not to be a little resentful at times when I need to be happy and smiling all of the time for things to function but if there is any chance that I may be content then everything hits the fan again.
So to answer your question, no I don’t think you are making it up.
29 Jan 2017 08:23 PM
29 Jan 2017 08:23 PM
will be back @Determined
hope you and your darling are ok xx, will be thinking of you
29 Jan 2017 10:30 PM - edited 30 Jan 2017 09:00 AM
29 Jan 2017 10:30 PM - edited 30 Jan 2017 09:00 AM
Hi @Shaz51
While your mind may be racing I trust it is in a good way and that this discussion has been of some benifit for you.
Best wishes
🙂
30 Jan 2017 07:31 AM
30 Jan 2017 07:31 AM
@Shaz51 wrote:Hello @Determined, @Former-Member
I hope you didn`t mind me coping your message over here
I am trying to find the right name for the heading
____________________________________________________
Hi @Shaz51 how are you today. Trusting your mind has slowed down for you.
I've been thinking about your heading and based on my situation and feelings wondered about Why I worry when things go well Or something like that.
D
30 Jan 2017 08:10 AM
30 Jan 2017 08:10 AM
30 Jan 2017 12:20 PM - edited 30 Jan 2017 12:21 PM
30 Jan 2017 12:20 PM - edited 30 Jan 2017 12:21 PM
good morning @Former-Member xx
very tricky in writting down what I am thinking
you wrote ---"Do you have times when things are starting to go well and then your partner does something that sets you back again? If so do you think it is deliberate and they are doing it as a form of control?"
yes @Former-Member, that is it --- it started with this feeling I kept getting , but he does something that sets himself back as well as me
I got some messages from @Appleblossom, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @Decadian, @PeppiPatty, @Determined on the other threads about it
Love to see what others think ??
@Former-Member, @NikNik, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Shimmer
30 Jan 2017 01:25 PM
30 Jan 2017 01:25 PM
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