Fragile

[Appleblossom]

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/225677221_Adult_Attachment_in_Children_Raised_by_Parents_wi...  Anxious and ambivalent attachment is part of me

M Bleuler

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/225677221_Adult_Attachment_in_Children_Raised_by_Parents_wi...

Coming to terms with the severity of my childhood by doing a literature search.

Even in the literature there are few with both parents with the Sz diagnosis.

My own parenting commitments are giving me time enough to process the material more completely.

So I have to admit that for my son, both his parents also had complex mental illness.  So we really do deserve the support and DSP etc.  It is not like my aunties who were pretending that I was malingering.  Their judgement put me under about a decade of extra doubt, fear and pressure second guessing myself.

Just so that they did not feel guilty.  WOW.

My 2nd nephew is coming for a visit next week.  The half Chinese one.  I am looking forward to it, but also not expecting too much.  

[Appleblossom]

Thinking about the PMT Framework you mentioned @Fredd50  Downloaded docs

There is a lot to it.

[Appleblossom]

Just finished Handmaids Tale.

Can relate to a lot, including the body mutilation and psychological torture re relationships with my biological children and struggle to know which was a the greatest risk or benefit.  Also the giving away of a child for perceived greater benefit.

RenoirJ TissotCarl LarssonW-A BourguereauRembrandtG Hamilton - Singer Blue

[outlander]

@Appleblossom
i seem to be missing tags, im sorry!
im sorry your childhood was so rough too, it seems to be a common theme amongst those with mi issues huh.

handmaids tale is quite tricky to sit and watch but it is good in a way too, many aspects can be related to even if its really tough

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @outlander 

Actually,  my motherhood made my childhood look like a walk in the park.

 

[outlander]

yes ill be motherhood is a whole new ballgame! @Appleblossom

[Appleblossom]

Finally managed to finish the movie Lion.

So many triggers I had to walk out of cinema after 20 mins.

My baby brother was still alive then.

This time I did not cry until about 75 mins into it ... and finished the movie with writing and watching ... that helped .... and I could feel the tears of joy at the end ... when he reunited with his biological mother.

[Former-Member]

Sounds horrible, @Appleblossom
I don't know this movie LION
Why did you watchbit again? Are you feelingbok atm? Sorry, been a bit zoned out couple days.

[Appleblossom]

First time, it was at a Carers event.  It is about a boy in India separated from his family at 5, about the same age as I was.

It has given me a bit to work with understanding emotional respnoses and reactions.

People loved it as a movie, I thought I should finally finish it and am glad that I did.  In the end 2 mothers were hugging getting closer to their adult sons.

Last night my boy wanted a hug.  

Thanks for reading and caring to respond. @Former-Member

[Former-Member]