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28 Jul 2017 08:50 PM
28 Jul 2017 08:50 PM
@Former-MemberI'm not coordinated, & not at all flexible either.
Yoga has helped me to slowly improve that - as well as being great for relaxation & to relieve anxiety.
It was a terrible struggle to go back to yoga class after my last (3rd) major bowel surgery (2 years ago) - I was a mess, so weak & so inflexible.
Slowly I've been getting back to where I was (a bit).
My previous yoga teacher said that anxiety was the main reason that she ever started to do yoga in the first place. It helps with that.
Adge
30 Jul 2017 08:56 PM
30 Jul 2017 08:56 PM
With the work branch office moving much further away, & the manager gone - I need a break.
I have lost a lot of sleep, every night this past week - due to heightened anxiety & troubled thoughts.
I haven't had a holiday (time off) of more than one week in several years. I cannot deal with any more of these unexpected major work changes.
I've applied for time off (several weeks), although I felt I had to give work one month's notice - I don't know if I can hold out that long.
It's an online leave application process.
Since there is no manager now at the moment, I don't know who will see my leave application to (hopefully) approve it...
I think it's a positive self-care action to take. I'm sorry, honestly I can't keep on putting up with the way this organisation operates - it's too stressful.
Adge
30 Jul 2017 10:08 PM
30 Jul 2017 10:08 PM
01 Aug 2017 02:47 PM
01 Aug 2017 02:47 PM
01 Aug 2017 08:02 PM
01 Aug 2017 08:02 PM
Good on you for doing those trailer-loads @Former-Member
You seem very motivated.
I'm having great difficulty tackling practical tasks, or problem-solving anything at the moment. I keep on going into overwhelm.
My psych made a very insensitive comment today.
That I should be more motivated now to apply for other (more suitable) jobs - because of my increased stress at the upheaval & closures (& redundancies) at my workplace.
I have already been applying for jobs for over 12 months now - it's exactly the opposite.
I feel increasingly disempowered exhausted & less able to motivate myself to keep on applying for jobs. All my energy is going into just coping with the constantly changing daily work schedule etc.
There is nothing left in me to keep on pushing, & to keep on applying for jobs...
Adge
01 Aug 2017 09:17 PM
01 Aug 2017 09:17 PM
My youngest brother’s mother-in law is expected to die within a few weeks of lung cancer – any phone call with my Mum or other brothers turns into a conversation about that.
So my attempts at connection with them seem lost at the moment.
I’ve tried to raise it with my psychologist for over a month – the words never came out in any session, & instead I’ve said nothing about it. I needed to.
My other (closest) brother’s mother in law is also dying, although not of cancer.
Adge
02 Aug 2017 12:42 AM - edited 02 Aug 2017 12:51 AM
02 Aug 2017 12:42 AM - edited 02 Aug 2017 12:51 AM
Hi Adge, not fun being told to look harder for work. But I will say its easy to get a job when ya already got one (stupid system). But if you do that you'll miss your due holiday break (most likely). I recommend taking your long leave the look elsewhere when ya back. But ya never know, maybe the dust will settle a bit by then. Sounds like your psychologist was too 'goal' focused than helping you 'process' the pain, or start with smaller steps. Sad when I hey don't 'get it' with all their qualifications & high income. Just do what's best for you.
Sounds like you have a couple of deaths on the horizon too. Even though theyre not as close as your dad, I suspect it brings it all back as if they were. Its a reminder, a trigger.
You be kind to yourself in this. Feel for you.
This Church friend on her last breath in hospital (advanced cancer) is sad for me, a reminder of death, my past losses and the one to come with mum's S4 cancer. I don't wanna know about it anymore, just wanna run away. How are we gonna cope?
🔈🔉🔊 @Owlunar, how do you do it? @Appleblossom ??
I've refused to go to a funeral since my girl died🌷🌿
02 Aug 2017 01:20 AM
02 Aug 2017 01:20 AM
When I first started loving gardening was when I lived in a tiny unit and I had only pots in a concrete backyard with only one tiny garden bed. Sometimes I only did 2 mins of work. I was so deeply exhausted I could barely move. I would then crash on the bed, but ever so gradually, I would start seeing more little jobs to do and just do them when they occurred to me.
Lovely to see you @Former-Member and @Adge Missed you all.
Because I had just come out of years of a lot of serious SI and SH ... it was so good to know that my mind could actually start dreaming up little gardening jobs for me. Just trim that branch, tie that cherry tomato up, pull that weed.
One neighbour would complain about weeding. I would NEVER WASTE MY BREATHE on complaining about it. I would be crashed out trying to recuperate, or at gym, or doing back/neck exercises, or whatever work needed in household. I would use my breathe for Oxygen to get the necessaries done. Later when I moved and now have a little garden, I would let my new gardening interest be organic. If I didnt feel the urge I would not do it, but then after a few years, I realised I had built up to spending hours at a time especially during the spring, I didnt care if it did not look good.,, or there were bare patches or overgrown patches. After 15 years I am respected as a gardener and things look organic which is what I want. No straight rows for me!
02 Aug 2017 10:23 AM
02 Aug 2017 10:23 AM
For my friend who lost her cancer battle this morning., leaving behind 5 young children (oldest 15). Gone home to God. I don't know what else to say about that. Found out by tx msg and j st processing it, there's not much I can do. Kinda wanna hide, fear if I go mix with everyone's pain - it will overwhelm me, standing among them absorbing it on my own, I use to be so much stronger than this.
You know I had a vision last March that I'd be attending a funeral late July, was so vivid ii noted it in my diary. Guess this is what I saw, she hung out for her oldest children to come home from visiting relatives in America. They flew in yesterday and had the day together. Amazing how they hang on like that. Its all very sad, but hidden blessings. She had great faith in eternal life be n Christ and her children too, softens the blow, comforts and restores hope, even amidst great sadness. I don't know what else to say about this. Maybe she will meet my girl today, i can't think of a more wonderful lady to take her under wing a while. Such a wonderful mother. Oh dear, tears, I need a cuppa ☕
02 Aug 2017 09:29 PM
02 Aug 2017 09:29 PM
@Former-MemberI'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.
@AppleblossomA fellow garden-lover!
I've been growing & loving plants since I was tiny. I worked in horticulture for 12 years, & was the only gardener on a large golf course (huge gardens) for years - I really miss it.
No my psych really doesn't get it at the moment - I'm not feeling heard or understood by her. In fact I'm finding the sessions deflating (damaging) my confidence. I hope that is only temporary.
The grief study lady is getting me to take "small steps".
With things like scheduling time to sit down to try to enjoy my meals (instead of always eating on the run).
Remembering to try lighting a candle for Dad (& spend time thinking of him).
Changing my bed sheets more often like I always used to do, etc.
I'm thinking of you @Former-Member That's so sad & hard for you.
Adge
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