Grief & loss - may be triggering

[Appleblossom]

@Adge

Its a bummer about the assertion thing not always getting results.  I was looking at some notes on it last night and they warned ... but you might not get what you ask for ...

I bought a new laptop a couple of months ago and tried to do all the transfers myself ... then the bloomin thing just stopped ... my son and his dad mucked around with it a bit and it came half good ... so at least I have something .. but it is still clunky and slow .. so I think I brought a gremlin across ...

[Former-Member]

What a pain @Adge, wish we didn't need computers so much. Good you're being assertive, but sometimes systems and or people just don't work well.

How are you Mohill? You're acbit quiet.

I received a lovely card from the vet today, a sympathy message re my dog. Really nice of them, and unusual. Actually, the vet shed a few tears when I was there. Buying the birds yesterday has given me a lift.

My bones are hurting today.

Interesting conversation on ABC Radio tonight talked about how Unresolved Emotions (usually from childhood) can trigger physical pain the doctors can't find cause of (1:5 cases). They were saying the key is to get in touch with how triggers affect our bodies. Do we
- tense our muscles & hold our breath?
- feel abdominal pain or diarrhoea?
- thoughts, headaches
Once we link the trigger with the unresolved emotion (eg guilt) from past event to the physical manifestation (a light bulb moment) - the unknown physical pain mysteriously resolves.
They said this happens because the brain can't tell the difference between physical pain and psychological pain from emotional trauma.
Hope I explained that clear enough? Thought it might help you ❤❤❤

[Former-Member]

Hi @Appleblossom ❤❤❤

[Appleblossom]

Bella @Former-Member

I thought you explained it well.  They are great insights and do help.

I am going to bed soon.  How are your birds? Is it noisy?

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member

what a lovely gesture from the vet...reassuring that your lovely jack russell was in safe hands

new birds...wow...inside or outside?

we have an outside aviary...used to have about 16 canaries now down to about 3...not sure of their life span in years...this is over a 9 year period...

yes being in touch with physical and mental body very important...I have been a strong believer of this since my first pregnancy...I felt the physical changes...incredible stuff..you dont have to be pregnant either laugh

am quiet at the moment...strongly focussing on the now...still haven't heard from my son even though his dad tells me he spoke to him not that long ago..he needed more money..at least I know he is still in this world

speak again

[Former-Member]

hello @Adge

now that you have some annual leave approved...do you have any plans?

a treat for yourself no matter how small

even a day trip somewhere...an environment that you love

hoping that you will find life less harsh and some time to breathe more calmly...not as easy to do as it sounds....worthwhile attempting

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member.

Yes I need some trips away, for rest & as a circuit breaker (to see things from a fresh perspective).

I keep trying to get to the planning things stage, but haven't managemed to get across the starting line yet.

First it was the uncertainty, I don't feel free to book or plan anything without any leave in concrete (certain).

Now I just can't find any energy. Self-care was my plan & need for this weekend (as it probably is for everyone).

The on-going computer dramas & negotiations drained what little energy I had left.

I finally collected the computer after 5 return visits & more than 4 hours spent at the store, asking for & explaining what I had already paid for.

Ive spent almost 4 hours today trying to reinstall what I needed on it - & trying to make sense of what they've done to the computer.

Self care went out the window. Now I don't want to turn the computer on, because it just means more work to do to get things working.

Yes that's very insightful what you said about unresolved emotions @Former-Member.

I've had examples of that. Some of my physical symptoms are most likely due to that.

I've had part of my body go entirely numb, when I was feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions.

My psychologist called it conversion disorder (what a lovely label). They like to call so many things disorders.

That was a lovely letter & thoughts from your vet.

Adge

[Former-Member]

totally agree with everything that you have said @Adge

I told you my thoughts on computers....

4 weeks holiday???

when does computer work need to be done by??...devote set amount of time....set timer....then stop!!

take time planning holiday....doing little,,,,part of joy of being on holiday...unwinding...slowing down...to  zero

your body is screaming out stop!!!!

keep in touch and we want to hear that you have relaxed

[Owlunar]

Hi @Adge - I really "love" all these disorders - I had to look this one up and copy what it says in the Enclopeadia Brittanica - 

1. Conversion disorder, formerly called hysteria, a type of mental disorder in which a wide variety of sensory, motor, or psychic disturbances may occur. It is traditionally classified as one of the psychoneuroses and is not dependent upon any known organic or structural pathology.

   I wouldn't take too much notice of the labels - maybe there is someone who is paid to think them up - I am sure you are not suffering from all of this - I think rather you have lots of changes and your main problem - is - wait for it - GRIEF.

   I was told I had Bipolar - I was grieving for my son which was a rather chaotic time in my life because I didn't know how to grieve and so I would be up and running most of the time and then fall into a terrible state of grief - oh gee

   How I wish they would get the label issue correct - we all have some kind of disorder - maybe there is even a lack of disorder disorder - how would that be - people going to a therapist because their lives were too boring - to flat - nothing happening

   Okay Adge - jokes aside - whatever is happening with you is real - you are battling with grief and you have poor health and life is really giving you a hard time as is your job

   And computers - oh yes - they can add to the trouble - well - mine TV is connected to my wifi and I have spent ages trying to sort that out - but if I am clever I can read my mail on my TV - but I have to get better at the new equipment

   It took me a whole afternoon - at least 2 hours anyway - just to sort out the apps on the remote control - we can't watch TV without remote controls now - sheesh - my mine boggles about all the things we could do remotely

   However - it really does sound as if you need some time out and I am wondering if your job can allow that - as you say - you need the event set in concrete - but which comes first - sorting out time off work in concrete or having your plans set in concrete

   I wish you the best my friend - and please don't worry about conversion disorder - I think that happens when you change your cash before you fly overseas - I would certainly have conversion disorder with that one

   All the best and I hope you can get a break

   Dec

[Adge]

I love your perspective @Owlunar

Yeah labels... Grief can definitely bring all those symptoms, professionals don't seem to remember that.

You can read your mail on your TV? Wow I'm impressed, I've never heard of that one...

I've still got 2 weeks before I get my time off @Former-Member

I need more relaxation & self-care right now, long before any break. Struggling to find any ways of doing that.

The computer saga has drained my energy diverted my focus. It's taken up 7 days solid so far.

I made use of the phone computer tech support package that I've been given - as compensation from the retail shop for keeping the computer for 4 days after I paid for it.

And for not setting up the computer as they promised.

I had to wait on hold ( phone call) this afternoon for 1& 1/2 hours - but when I got through they fixed a lot of the problems.

So at least I'm part way there - & will be able to more easily let go of the computer dramas.

To start focusing on more positive stuff - like relaxing more & planning some short trips away etc.

Thanks everyone.

Adge