Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Hi  @Former-Member

Yes - it might be the GA that is making me feel a little off-colour atm - I was under about an hour - and I had a lot more done inside the knee itself this time - there is a lot of relief knowing I am not likely to need a knee replacement but for several weeks until I saw the Orthopaedic Surgeon I was rattled thinking I might need that and that must have a backlash - for a week or so after the surgery I also felt that my mind and my body were not in the same place - pretty sure that was the GA

People can be incredibly cruel to each other - mostly I think they are only looking after their own interests or do it thoughtlessly - some have a nasty turn of mind but still - I get it that you feel the need to withdraw - and I understand - I am more likely not to go out - but still walk in the evening. I overdid things on Friday and my knee and my back have been telling me all about it all weekend and still - it's Sunday afternoon and still hurts - but I feel okay - I think

But yes - I do believe it's okay to sit and pray a lot - or stay in bed and pray a lot - or talk to God in a conversational way a lot - whatever way works - I do pray in bunches - and God gets that

But I can't contact my relatives - handing that over to God was hard and I am not sure if I have quite done it yet - I feel really worried - having frail-aged relatives that we love can really stress us and you would know that by now with your oldies

I do all the self-care things - I play the piano as well - I eat raw vegetables - salads - a lot and water is my drink of choice - I'm sleeping well - I sleep late because I go to bed late - so yes - I have always been into self-care - if I don't do it no one else will and I have no desire to go into residential aged care - I know already I wouldn't fit in

Right now I am not really thinking of going back to church - the people at the church were worse than stupid - they were cruel - and I have been back but still - I am wondering if I will attend a church of a different demoniation because it is closer but not sure because my understanding of scripture is not fundamental but orthodox and I am an orthodox Christian

But yeah - I have been thinking of seeing the new minister - I have no idea of who it might be but I can talk to them if I go there - or I can go into the city and have communion at the Cathedral which is a small group of city workers taking time out at lunchtime - I stopped going into the city some years back when going in the train got a little difficult

There are choices and I agree we need to forgive the stupid (or cruel) things that people say for our own sake but also for our own sake - we don't go back there. Still things change - they always change.

It was the anniversary of the adoption yesterday - people would think a birthday harder I think but the memory of adopting a baby is pretty much the memory of a culture shock - oh - I don't know about other adoptive parents but this was a huge culture shock for me - a harder change than actually having a baby

People belong to each other and many people forget that - I had not thought of it actually but yes - we do and systemic breakdowns in family happen - it happens in churches too - and other institutions - we would like to have a loving family about but maybe people turn up at baptisms and weddings and funerals and behave as if they are part of a loving family and go away until the next event - 

But that is such a good point that people belong to each other - I will think on that

Thanks Lapses

Dec

[Former-Member]

Understand @Owlunar, and the adoption date would bebone you don't forget. Maybe pregnancy hormones play a part to soften the blow (culture shock) of first babies. Sometimes mums try too hard I reckon. You did the best you could Dec, and that's more than enough. For a along actually thought having my girl for 13yrs and protecting her from her dad for so long, before God it just seemed like a big waste of time, to lose them do young,cwr raise them to be independent adults, not this void. But no doubt well understand all things when we cross over.

Some ministers / teams will come to the home to have communion with you - o know the Anglican and the Church of Christ do that here. I gotta do something in this regard too.

I'm not up on the difference between Fundamental & Orthodox churches - is it like 'Traditional' Mainstream vs Pentecostals ?

[Shaz51]

Hello @Owlunar 

well went to the kidney specialist and the kidney is stable at 24% and I don`t meet the Criteria yet according to the blood test for any new  medication at the moment

 and the Gp appt is that I have  osteoarthritis and have started Osteo med but i don`t think my kidney likes them

My cousin died this week aged 52 from cancer and she had become soo bitter and has hurt her family soo much

Have to have xrays next for me and seeing the blood specialist soon

going to have 2 weeks holiday from work , Mr shaz is worried and anxious already as we are going to visit S2 abd S3 , S3 is having relationship problems and we don`t know weather to go and visit

this week has been sooo hard that I think I am having a break down soon , Mr shaz said yesterday that we both need a holiday now -- one week to go but half of me wants to have a break somewhere peaceful -- arrrggg

I don`t think mr shaz will be able to cope but the visiting but i have said that if it gets too much we can go somewhere else

my SIL has invited us to stay at there place which is 3 hours away from where S3 lives

[Owlunar]

Oh golly @Shaz51 - if I felt inclined to have a break down I would want to have it quietly and somewhere private - alas - you seem to have been having so many health problems in sounds more that you need respite in a nice peaceful place with people taking care of you and bringing you nice stuff - I wish you could have this

I am sorry to hear about your cousin - and I know that having someone close to you become bitter before death is hard yards indeed - that really does hurt - I know from experience but what can I say - bitterness is a very hard thing and hurts family members so much - there is no need at all for regrets - I am so sorry though

24% of one kidney doesn't sound much - but it seems that things are stable and although your health is not good you are getting along somehow

One thing must be hard for you though and that is Mr Shaz being so tense about everything and his anxiety - I hope he can just go to bed and not bother you too much about the state of finances - after all - what can worrying about things do to help - but I also understand that he can't really deal with things well - it is hard for you - there is so much going on for you 

I really hope you don't burn out  or have a breakdown or anything like that - I will certainly be thinking of you 

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

There are some issues in the church that will take a long time to change but the issues about sexual misconduct of all sorts has - some time around 15 - 18 years ago it became necessary for these issues to be dealt with by a body of qualified people - prior to that the minister or the Deacon or the Bishop or whomever was in charge and this was really unfair - after all - the person dealing with all of this was friendly with people and how can anyone be objective? 

So that was hard on me personally and I know with all of this stuff about child abuse on the news lately was in an unfair place years ago and I hope people caught in the middle are given a fair go - I feel my minister did his best at the time but he was in an invidious position

Today I made an appointment with a different therapist and also had a long talk with Life Line - mostly about the problems I have had with the way people cut me off his the past and thought a lot about it over the weekend and I think the best thing is to have a talk with the new minister who is a women

But I do remember feeling dismissed and somehow "less than" at the time and something I have carried for a long time without really addressing it myself - but yes - the things in the church that don't change - people who have no idea how tough life can be for some people because they have been protected by someone - their parents - their partner - their children - and draw a line between what they know and what they don't - this can be really tough and - yeah - there are people who do not want to know or will never see and I have no intention of enlightening them

For most of my life I fell into a habit of non-argument with my mother - this worked for me though if she got onto my turf - something I did know about - I did say something and I think it was all the more powerful because it was a rare event - so I am like that with people still - 

But thanks Utopia - somethings have changed but other things never will and they are not excusively in the church - I find there are people I call cliquey about and I try and avoid these people

And then of course are the people who don't listen to what we are saying and have an idea of what they might say but aw I really hate it when I have someone finish my sentence for me - I correct them btw but it can be so frustrating - and then I have been told what I want when that is not what I want at all

Like you I know my own mind - perhaps both of us know our own mind better because we feel challenged

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

You did the best you could for your daughter too - we can never love anyone too much and it was not a waste protecting her from her father - no way

I just realised that my son was only three years older than your daughter - they were so young and vulnerable. I feel sometimes I over-invested emotionally with my boy and others I am glad I did what I did - and we loved them and we were raising them to do their part in the world - to add their lives to the community whether is was a quiet private life or one out in the world and famout. It was never a waste of time - while she lived your little girl loved and cried and learned and had moods and did what kids did - she was yours and my son was mine and they always will be -- the way we feel when our grief is bad is so a waste either - I feel we honour the dead when we mourne - I sometimes think "I hope someone cries when I die - I would really hate it if no one cared"

Hold fast to your faith - both of us have been let into a great secret - a Great Secret. God has chosen people like us to know how he felt when Jesus died on the cross - sure he knew - believed - that he would rise from the dead but as it says in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe it had never been done before - this was unique - sacred and terrible - we can learn something about God because of what we have been through.

We will understand more when we pass over - and after many years and a long time ago now - I had asked God why he needed to test my faith when it was strong - and one morning when I was driving to work a light came on in my head - I needed to know how strong my faith was - 

And we will see more in time to come

The last minister at my church used to bring communion to me at home but I think I will need to speak to the new priest - it's another woman and I think I will ring tomorrow and make and appointment to go and see her - 

I don't know if I can adequately explain the difference between Orthodox and Fundamentalist Churches - but I have studied church doctine and biblical doctrine formally a long time ago now - I am an Anglican and I was brought up in what was called The High Church - and possibly the important thing is the form of the Eucharist and the freedom to explore scripture with someone qualified to enlighten us.

There are many branches of Christianity and regarding Fundamentalists I have explored some of these through time - I had a foster son who joined the JWs and for a time I was friendly with him and his wife and went to some of their services - I felt contrained there because my beliefs were not the same and I think the thing is that when it comes to Church Worship we are probably understand more when it is what we were brought up in. 

The important thing is to believe and pray and read our Bible - and if it is okay for us to do what we feel is right and no one can tell us what to feel about it.

I nearly forgot - adoption - yes. One day my mother told me I should forget that my boy was adopted - oh really - did she know how stupid that was? Could anyone forget giving birth - and yes - when we bring the baby we have had with us for the gestation already knows they are at home. Adopted children do not - maybe my boy was extreme but yes - our hormones change how we feel during pregnancy - an adoption is really a change of ife!!!!! I was working the week before we brought him home. That was really something

Oh - it is so late - I have been busy today and thought I would write before I went to bed so I am glad that I have - and I tend to write long messages -

All the best Lapses - I hope to catch up with you later

Dec

[utopia]

@Owlunar - you could be right about knowing our own minds because we have been challenged. My childhood, growing up with my dad, was not an easy time. He was sexist. Girls couldn't do what boys could. And I challenged him on that all the time.
I've always had strong opinions about things. Have always spoken up. Couldn't do it when I was in the grip of my depression or ptsd or having panic attacks. But as I'm slowly getting better, my personality is coming back. Argumentative and cheeky and all. Lol.
Soumds like it was a very tough time with that Minister who couldn't or wouldn't help you. Must have been so confusing.
I'm glad you had a big chat with LifeLine. Sometimes we need to speak to someone and have them hear us.
Seeing a new minister could be good. Do you have a female minister nearby?

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

I did speak up when I could and out in the community it brought me trouble - esp in the work place - and I am older than youthe glass ceiling was a powerful thing and sexist attitudes were rife and my Dad - who was loving and caring but authoritarian - told me I had to leave school because he had two more kids to educate and seeing as I was a girl I would just get married and have babies - oh gee - I actually did that in time but it was not right either

Still - my minister did the best he could at the time - the issue was to be dealt with in the parish and I really have to ask myself about the Royal Commission in this millenium - what would they know about the conditions when the issues were dealt with by the clergy who were not educated in our to do that - still a problem and yeah - that's all I can say right now

The new minister at my church is another woman and I am thinking of talking with her - seeing as all this happened a long time ago I have llived with it for a long time but certain things have pulled my memories into the present and they are something I have to deal with

At least people are more understanding than they used to be

Dec

[utopia]

Yes people are more understanding now @Owlunar. And hopefully having a good chat with this Minister will help relieve you of some old pains and frustration. I hope it does.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Owlunar, I know i did my best but when they die its lke we should have simehow done more. My girl was only 12yrs the month before she died, and only had her menstrual period 6months. I have to shelve pain of no children with me this Christmas, to be with mum for her last (SUCKS!!! 😯 not that its appreciated), so hate this death process.

Hold fast to your faith - really am - not much else left it feels, not strong rnough to keep me going.

We will understand more when we pass over

Love that " I needed to know how strong my faith was". 👍 Funny how the answers to the questions are inside us already, in the heart where the Holy Spirit dwells. We just have to ask. Interesting reading Jesus' life, he often asked questions - not because HE needed to know the answer, but because he wanted us to know it. This is so empowering for us. Well done Dec 💜💜