Life can be a Pain

[Zoe7]

You do sound more positive today @Owlunar That might be a result of a good sleep as well - I imagine the heat and humidity have not been helping there with sleep. It has been quite muggy here at night but meds have certainly help me sleep through most of that.

I know you feel comfortable being in Tassie and Hobart in particular - it is a great option for you to visit even if you can't see your relatives - a few days away here or Lakes Entrance would both be nice options.

The stuff with your son and seeing the psychologist to work through some of that can be completely on your terms Dec - you know yourself really well and have done a lot of questioning yourself about your son so you will not be bringing up anything you haven't already thought of but the psychologist my be able to help you see some things in a different way. 

Hope you get all your shopping done today - I need to go out a get a few things also but it is not urgent so can wait until the weekend. Might need to have a sleep now and then get back outside in the garage for a couple of hours.

[eth]

Sending lots of love and warm wishes @Owlunar  Hopefully addressing your traumatic loss in therapy will be helpful to you.  It is for me.  These days if I need new therapists I always look for someone who is 'trauma informed' in their training and specializing.  

Hope the hydrotherapy is good too.  I'm doing water tai chi these days and it's wonderful.

[Appleblossom]

@Owlunar

It is great you could work with new gp even though it was unexpected. A new doctor can offer a fresh perspective.  I am glad you are pleased with med changes.  It has taken a while for recognition of the level of trauma caused by the suicide of a loved one. I love the way you say it can be a celebration of our son's life as well.  The fullness of grief encompasses the whole of the person, and as mum, you know more than anyone else.  I have found it helpful to be proactive, bring photos or things that help stimulate ... me and make the most of the session.

I have not really gotten into a lot of it with any particular therapist. There just has been too much to go into.  In a way writing my story and and some retelling here on the forum has been most helpful, with some feedback from members.  Having appointments to attend with a sense of positive regard for me has been essential to my survival. 

Thanks for your regard. Dec.  I like Greek classics too, in theatrical if not operatic versions.  I prefer Antigone to Medea, but they touch on the universal .... An uncle who I lived with in teens, who went too young and surprised us all greatly with his suicide, specialised in Ancient History.  So I had some positives, made me feel it was possible to get to uni.  He did not pay much attention to me. I looked up to him, but none of the other people in my life held such a possibility or shone a light in that direction. Which would have been where my father would have encouraged me if he was still alive.  His study was wonderful wall to wall books, and I ended up given most of his books by his wife (my aunt) as she was not interested.  

The Musicians - Botero

[Shaz51]

hugs @Owlunar

[Owlunar]

Hi everyone

Checking in to say I am okay - just really tired

Last week really took things out of me - I have needed to take things really easy over the weekend - at lot happened over the week esp on Thursday - then Friday was busy as normal but worse with the heat - I was overcome a couple of times

Hopefully I will be better tomorrow and can be more useful

Dec

[Zoe7]

Take the time you need to recover as best you can @Owlunar We will be here when you can engage. Look after yourself first Dec 

[BlueBay]

Go easy on yourself @Owlunar

hope you sleep well tonight 

take care ❤️

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay@Zoe7@Shaz51@Appleblossom@utopia@outlander@Sophia1

Sigh - Oh yes - it's still Monday 

I had a very quiet weekend but I am still very tired and feel as if my framework is a bit like a very old building facing a future that changes from day-to-day

I don't really feel that bad - it's just what I might be like if I tried my own clipart

 I have found my question for the traumatic loss therapist - It's why I still feel so destroyed when issues surrounding my son turn up - I am sure I have thought through everything - not much left to examine - at least not what I can see from where I stand

But there something because I would not feel so rotten from choice - good question - would anyone?

And the GP who is seeing me while my GP is on holidays wants to see me about seeing a private pain specialist - he is all for changes - I am agreeable about that - and like me he thinks that my next appointment with the pain clinic is too far away - and I totally agree - and I am wondering why this is so dicy - I guess the things that are happening are delicate and really stormy

And yet I can still see when life gets really funny - the blackbirds get really angry when the bread on the garden table runs out and start squawking at me - the bread is really mouldy guys - not giving you anything so horrible - and those birds still haven't found the bird bath - and I think the birds are really entertaining - and so bossy

I am a good natured person and I know I will be okay - I am really tired but I am thinking about the holiday I can take in a couple of weeks now and I think it will be Lakes Entrance - 

[BlueBay]

Oh @Owlunar you sound really down. So  much going on. Take it easy and just keep thinking of your holiday. 

Take care ❤️❤️

[Owlunar]

Thanks @BlueBay

I had such a hard time in the past I know I will be okay - but it's hard getting past myself atm - I feel really tired and unsettled yet slept a lot during the weekend

For me it's really good to be on my own - I have plenty to do here - I have been playing the piano more lately and that always relaxes me but feeling down -  yes - to be honest - but it isn't constant - it's a bit of a moveable feast

But thanks 

Dec