My introduction - Living with PTSD

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member ❤️

It's nice to see you making your way out a bit ... I know some days are really hard for you .... and it seems that the people with similar life stories begin to find each other here .... amongst the struggles there is companionship from others who know what you go through because they live it too ... 🌿🌷💕

My cold is passing - yay - but I'm still takin an analgesia for a dull headache in the background ... trying to keep plodding through commitments without overdoing it.

❤️💕 Hugs @Former-Member ..... and some more for your brother .... 

My brother was in a horrendous bike vs car accident several years ago now.  We thought we would lose him that night .... but he pulled through .... after about 5 weeks in a coma.  He needed surgery and has ended up with a plate in his head ..... and it took a few years to get back on his feet .... but he did it ❤️

His wife had not been happy in the marriage before the accident, but couldn't stomach the humiliation of divorce .... not socially acceptable in their faith system .... so she took the opportunity of his accident to fault-find with him instead of aiding his recovery, then bolted with the kids.  It has taken all that time for him to fight for access to the kids, and now his daughter has made her way back to visiting him, and his new wife, voluntarily 🌷💜

There are so many stories of long-term struggle, that seem so, so hard in the moment .... but please keep persevering towards that light at the end of the tunnel.  You are so worth it, and you deserve better than what you have experienced .... slowly, slowly these things can be turned into courage, strength, positivity, new life opportunities .... you don't know how many new experiences, positive ones, are around the corner, and the gift of compassion that you share with others around you as a result of your own hardships 💐

Just keep swimming ..... 🐠🐠🐠💕

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@MoonGal@Former-Member@PurpleFlowers

Hello to all of you beautiful people.  I will make this brief as I dont feel much like going into detail.

I really just wanted to thank all of your for your messages of support and understanding that you have all sent me over the past 24 hours or so since I posted yesterday.

Please know that your support means a lot to me, and it really does help to know that I am not alone in my daily battles.

I also know that each one of you are going through your own personal struggles, and I thank you all so very much for taking the time to help me.

My most heartfelt thanks to you .................. 

[Former-Member]

😙💜☕🍰🌷🌸🌹🌺🌼🌻 @Former-Member
Good to hear from you. xo
We WILL win. 💪👍



😙💕☕🍰 @Faith-and-Hope
I hope you get rid of that cold soon. xo

[Former-Member]

I saw a doggy at the beach a little while ago. Looked like yours, thought of you. @Former-Member 🐕🐶 Do you go walking with him/her often?

It's getting too hot here to walk. 😮🌞

Been looking into buying a powerfit machine, not sure if they're good or not?????

[Former-Member]

I just thought I would post a poem I have just written. I wrote it with a friend in mind, but it probably applies equally to myself. I wanted it to be positive and to show hope for the future, so I hope I have succeeded in doing that.  

Hi to @Faith-and-Hope@MoonGal@PurpleFlowers@BlueBay@Former-Member@Bridget @Sadgirl @Shaz51@Appleblossom  I hope all of you are doing well, and that you have had a great start to the new year

A NEW DAY

Tiny beams of early morning light

reach unbidden into my bedroom.

A new day is slowly dawning bright

Will this day be any better than the last?

I do not yet feel ready to spend

another day battling against myself.

From yesterday my energy is at an end

and all I really want to do is sleep.

So I turn away from the early dawn

close my eyes to shut everything out.

An overactive mind too easily drawn

seemingly unwilling to permit retreat.

Feeling annoyed, I accept defeat

and throw off the covers in disgust.

I move quietly but quickly on bare feet

so as not to wake a sleeping household.

I walk outside into the pale morning light

watching as it extends its long fingers.

The day is becoming ever more bright

and catching the glistening morning dew.

I feel at peace now as I sit and examine

taking note of the smell of dampness.

There is a faint aroma of sweet Jasmine

dampened from the gentle overnight rain.

My dog Holly sits patiently along side

seemingly content to watch and listen.

We enjoy precious moments often denied

of uninterrupted introspective thought.

A gentle cooling breeze slowly stirs

rustling the overhead leaves of grapevines.

I begin to notice other sounds as they occur,

birds and distant traffic, enter my awareness.

And now I think of my relatively new friend Elle.

Who clings precariously to life, via a thread of hope.

Like a lifebuoy tossed into her own personal hell.

I ask her to hold on, to know things can improve.

I have faith in her, and her ability to remain afloat.

My sincere hope is that she strives for life changes,

regains control of her own life, and is not so remote.

I want for her, a passion for just being, and doing.

Life is full of small victories, just doing the best we can.

We cant allow our previous destructive thoughts to dictate.

Please Elle know you have a friend in me, a genuine fan.

In choosing to tolerate life, allow me to be your anchor.

So a new day, and now a new year, has just arrived.

I'm confident it will be better for both of us than the last.

Knowing that fear, distress and sorrow can be survived,

when replaced with friendship, hope, diversion and joy.

[Faith-and-Hope]

That's beautiful @Former-Member..... you have a gift there ..... you transported me right into that space and time ...

Thank you for sharing ..... keep to the path and I hope 2017 is rich with blessings for you ....

[Shaz51]

Thank you @Former-Member for sharing xx

That is beautiful

[Former-Member]

Hi there @Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@MoonGal@Former-Member@PurpleFlowers

Sorry I have been gone so long.  I have been thinking of all you good people though.  Are you all well?

I had my latest appointment with my psych last Thursday and as usual it has stirred things up again.  She knows all my triggers and stressors and went through them all to guage where I was at.  She was a bit concerned that after doing a DASS test my levels of Depression was Very High, as was Stress and my levels of Anxiety was Extreme.  So she doesnt want me to do anything over the next few weeks other than to concentrate on my general health.  And to get in as much exercise as possible to try to help sleep and depression.  So now, after 4 nights straight of getting no sleep, I am exhausted and feeling very down.  This morning after crawling out of bed without sleep once again, I wrote a poem.  It may not be very good as far as poetry is concerned, but it speaks volumes about where I am at right now.  Here is it:

Sleep Deprivation

Sleep, that most basic human right.

Why do you abandon me every night?

I battle through each day quietly hoping

that it will prove to be sleep promoting.

Body moving as though in slow motion

Mind seemingly lacking normal emotion.

Tired, angry, impatient, unable to concentrate

a high state of arousal, designed to frustrate.

Is this what a lack of sleep will do to you?

Just one hour is all I ask, surely that's due.

Isn't sleep deprivation a form of torture in war?

I can understand the effectiveness therefore.

So here I lie wide awake, tossing and turning

Acutely aware of my overwrought mind churning.

I hear, and try to identify, every little sound

Fearing panic as I hear my heartbeat pound.

I'm told it's common for those of us with ptsd,

It's called hyper vigilance, which comes for free!

I'm safe now, so why will my brain not rest?

Always on edge, wary and security obsessed.

I try all that I can, to promote a healthy sleep

I listen to relaxing tapes and I count sheep.

I'm told I must do regular physical exercise

but with fatigue and dizziness, is this wise?

Too tired to put one foot in front of the other

Way too weary to want to be near another.

So what should I do, as another day begins?

Too worn out to think properly, as my head spins.

By day, mind a blank and brain most sluggish

At nightfall it just erupts into chaotic rubbish.

Memories and nightmares constantly interrupt

Making any sleep disturbed, and waking abrupt.

I need just a small taste, not necessarily a heap,

of this elusive and glorious thing called sleep ....

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member

Your poem is very evocative,

but not a state anyone wants to endure.

I have had sleep issues on & off most of my life .. too much & too little.

Hope you get some tonight.

Good to see you.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Oh @Former-Member .... that's hard going ..... 😔

Please take some courage from this .... resting produces a lot of the benefits of sleep equating to somewhere around half ..... so two hours resting equals most of the benefits of one hour sleep.

Keep playing restful music in the background, or something not very intellectual on TV, head on a pillow, and just relax as much as possible. Hopefully that will help take some of the anxiety out of it.

Count your hours of rest, and halve them. That is your slew equivalent.

Hugs n hugs .... ❤️💕