Hi @outlander
I have to apologise for not being around last week after your appointment and news about the PCOS, likely not being able to have children, how it affects you, etc. I have to say it rang a few bells with me. Not sure you know my full story or not. So I will tell it briefly now, so you can understand where I'm coming from.
When I met my now husband, he had 2 teenaged children from his previous marriage. He told me fairly early in our emerging relationship that he did not want more children, that he had his kids and had no desire for more. He never asked me what I wanted, and I never really questioned him on that. I was 36 when I met him, never had any children, never had a serious relationship prior to him. I was never really a clucky person and so at the time it never really bothered me that he never wanted kids. When we married, I was 37, and likely had a window of opportunity of 5 or more years to have children if thats what we wanted to do. But he was adament that he had his kids and wanted no more. I was never one to question authority, so I abided by his wishes and remained faithfully on contraception. I just accepted his wishes, and asked nothing more. I saw my step kids a lot, one was about 15 and the other 20 when I came into their lives. Although they also had their real mother, we had a good relationship, especially with my step daughter who was the younger. We still have quite a strong bond now.
I have to say that over the years I began to resent that he had dictated his own wishes on me, and never even asked what I wanted. Of course its my fault too, I should have spoken up. But didnt. I sometimes resented the fact that I was never allowed to have children, that I was never given the choice. It used to hurt me a lot when he would laughingly tell his friends that our marriage was always based on the understanding that there would be no kids. I think I would have been a good mum. I would especially like to have had a daughter. But that choice was taken away from me.
Yes I have my step kids, and also 6 great step-grandkids now. I also used to have a great little niece, whom I was especially close to. As you know, Emma died just over 4 years ago. That really hit hard.
So getting back to you. Okay so it appears that you may not have a choice on having children of your own. You are still so young, and until now it would not even have entered your head that you even wanted to have kids. But when told you likely can't ... well ... that must have hit home pretty hard. Now ... you are thinking of everything that has been taken away from you. Even if you may not even want it right this minute. I didnt either, when I was your age. But I did later. And wasnt allowed to. You apparently may be unable to. Little difference really ... fact remains, you likely will never produce a child. As others have pointed out here though, it may still be possible for you, it certainly is not out of the question. But if you cannot, then there is always adoption and fostering. You do not have to remain childless if you dont wish to. There are options. And medical science is an ever evolving thing. In five years time, they may have the capability to fix things.
This has ended up being a long winded post, without saying much at all really. Sorry about that ... I started out and had lots in my head, but it just does not seem to have translated to the page very well. I hope it makes some sense. But I guess I'm trying to say that I do understand in some small way, how you might feel. Little difference really between being unable to have children, and not being allowed to have children. Only difference really is that you are strong, where as I was weak. Both though, result in a sense of loss and thoughts of 'what could have been'.
Sherry 💕
