Coming to terms with reality

[Adek]

@eudemonism
"... A level of acceptance. A level of understanding that something needs to be done. A level of acknowledging that the suffering is real..."
Ok..tats what i understood when first joining this forum...just wondering whether what i've shared so far are in lieu of that definition... & whether I should go go go.. or stop stop stop🤔😶...

[Adek]

@Former-Member i think i can relate to what u are trying to convey. Having the title as 'coming to terms' i thought its just natural for us to share how we have come to terms with..and try as much not to share something that demotivates. So..i feel you have been there the last one month or so being the "...full of patience positive pusher@motivator..." for this group..and i really appreciate that. Perhaps its because we are both moms... that motherly instinct is more obvious and understandable.
(I hope i put it in words correctly)....cuz the exact gesture i wanna give u now is...a hug💐💐

[Former-Member]

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@Adek wrote:
@Former-Member i think i can relate to what u are trying to convey. Having the title as 'coming to terms' i thought its just natural for us to share how we have come to terms with..and try as much not to share something that demotivates. So..i feel you have been there the last one month or so being the "...full of patience positive pusher@motivator..." for this group..and i really appreciate that. Perhaps its because we are both moms... that motherly instinct is more obvious and understandable.
(I hope i put it in words correctly)....cuz the exact gesture i wanna give u now is...a hug💐💐

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thanks @Adek

yes maternal instincts.....spot on.... a hug......always welcomed....I am a hugger..

you are spot on with your analogy there

I first read your posts @eudemonism and found them to be so tender...raw...honest...

your situation is a little like my older son's....I have such heartache for him because I can't help him with suggestions re his symptoms....he is not accepting that he has unwell symptoms...not receiving any medical help

he was contacting me after a period of time not knowing where he was and if he was safe or even if he still was.....

the contact via mobile...talking...messaging...then skype when I was away.

I went through periods of much abuse...horrendous stuff...then even more horrendous hearing what his tortured mind was going through....I have written about some of this on previous threads on the carer side.

now I have had no contact since when I was in UK  mid July.  I have sent many messages on skype...text messages...unable to leave call messages.....nothing....he has spoken to his dad though whom I rang and found out that he had wanted money...he told his dad that he had tried to ring me...I had no missed calls or messages....

so I am living in the now with that scenario

I wanted to help you and encourage you @eudemonism whilst I did this from my heart ....written language can be so easily misconstrued....meanings changed ....lost...confusion

I apologise for perhaps trying to mother you...smother you??? hopefully you did not feel that!

I will just write every now and again in my own way....what I am doing for myself....what I congratulate you on

this is how I write...a positive or realistic approach for me

so we can all decide where we want to go from here....no pressure.,...no judgement...no failing... no blame

none of us have actually done anything wrong...we all have our own issues and try very hard to get through every day and have a level of quality in our lives

still no walk!@!

[Adek]

@Former-Member ...lost my son too few months a couple of yrs ago...only to find out from his dad he fled from uni, even caught by the police for being abusive, put behind bars and sent to psy ward, diagnosed with bipolar and fled the ward too (same thing happened to one of my siblings before).

Fearing him being dispelled from medical school..i went up and down the offices..meeting the dean, psychiatrist, counsellors appealing for a year sick leave for him...despite myself also going up and down the courts regarding my 2nd divorce from 2nd marriage, being verbally and physically assaulted all the time by the elder wife etc. Godwilling son was granted the medical leave. I recalled his few suicidal attempts during his teens...at the boarding school where he was..him being rebellious, irritable, not in good terms with family or peers and blaming the divorce of his parents causing him behaving like that.

Been 3 yrs since that incident, he is back into studies, coping with mindfulness, prayer and not under meds since the day he fled the ward. The father disapproves of him taking meds cuz it affected his alertness..being drowsy etc. So we tried to give him as much space he needs..only check on him once or twice so that he knows somebody cared. The fact that he is 24, eldest of 2 sisters..he is slowly learning some responsibilities too.

No @eudemonism i am not the elite, fortunate or well off. Neither my ex or my kids' father. But we tried hard to make ends meet. Not a dime is wasted on drugs, alcohol or smoke. Having retired under the medical board for bipolar..i am protected under the pension scheme..not much, but i try to be self sufficient by giving cupping and reflexology house calls to my friends. My kids..being highflyers are fully sponsored by the government..so did my 7 siblings..also sponsored during our studying period for high grades and for being orphans. My ex has his own children and grandchildren now, he had bypass surgery, later had stroke during gallbladder surgery. He is 61, with goutic arthritis and hobbles around using walking stick.

So @eudemonism @Appleblossom ..don't compare, judge or presume. Most importantly....never put self pity as an excuse. I believe..if we always think we are fortunate and better off than the least fortunate around the world..then we can have a different mindset. Yes..all the struggles and descrimination and wars around the world are significant...if we know how to relate..to reflect and be grateful.

[eudemonism]

Hello @Former-Member & @Adek i hope you're both having a half decent start to the weekend. And i hope it leads to a positive Monday morning. Followed bye a good week of positive things for both of you.

I have drank and used again. And i am really tired of smoking and other bad habits. I preached a bit of stuff to a couple friends today. (If only i could use my own advise ) stuff like. If you can say no once. You can say no twice. If you can say no twice. You can say no three times. And the more you say no. The strongest you will become. And the go go go. And stop stop stop thing. Plus. If im gonnamakea thousand excuses under the sun why it wont work. I might as well make a thousand excuses under the sun for why it will work. Hmm. Ironic.

I think i need confirmation and assurance. That absence from substances and sobriety from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes can be done and will lead to a better life for myself.

@Former-Member yes i thought you were looking after me and thinking of your son in the background. I did read some of the posts on your other thread. I suppose that without help from the system. I'd be in a pretty bad way. But on the other hand. Even with all the help I've received from the system. It can feel like I'm still more a less. A ship that is adrift in the sea of the abyss i know to be reality. Life is short and death is forever and each day I'm living is another day i never get back. But there not alot i can do about it.

@Adek it's also about general chit chat about day to day life stuff. And whatever is on your mind. I'm going to spenda little while thinking about a drug and alcohol free life tonight. And work out if it is actually possible. So i can hopefully regain some motivation and recollect some will power. I think i need to inform myself of what an alcohol and drug free life would be like for me... however there may always be medication in my life. And technically even food is a drug.

[Adek]

And oh.. @eudemonism & @Appleblossom i won't comment on that churches thing and christianity either cuz i'm neither a Christian nor do i go to church. Period.

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member my mother is the one who took me to the mental health facility in the first place. And I'll never be able to work out why she did that but i suppose she had her reasons before medication. I would sleep alot and i would always sleep well at night and i dont actually think that my mental health issues were caused bye drugs basically, what I've had happen to me in life has been the cause.

@Adek i dare say that things are very different from country to country and culture to culture if we were to compare. And was it you who said that your mother got the jab every month for 35 years? Or was that @Appleblossom ? Cause I'd like to know how long they lived for becsuse I'm receiving the jab also. And i know it really messes with my mind and body and is quite heavy stuff.

I'm waking up every morning. And I'm suffering! I'm in pain. And I'm feeling psychically and mentally very unwell. And i dread the thought of it never changing or going away and having nothing i can do about it.

[Adek]

@eudemonism yes...its my mom, the jab i think every 6 months on top of daily meds. Right after each jab she becomes irritable, abusive, snappy, sleepless and wrestless but not for long. After a few days things becomes normal for her and she continues with her daily routines. She operates a small titbits store to keep her occupied and also makes batches of local delicacies upon request which she also sells online during festive season with the help of my youngest sis. Mom takes her daily meds very diligently cuz she knows her sickness can recur and worsen if she skips. But like i said... Whether its mom or me..we were pretty familliar with hospital environment and medical practitioners etc cuz mom was a hospital attendant for 15 yrs or so before she quit job due to sickness. So.. communication was really easy for us especially with the specialists, feeding them precisely how the meds affect us. So they keep changing our meds until...Godwilling... we achieved the optimum combo that works for us. I suggest u do the same. Tell them exactly..precisely how the jabs affected u.. positively or negatively.

[Adek]

Actually..i have seen on other forums too how the meds made them worse instead of better. Unless u communicate and do your research online...tell the docs what meds u want to try (i did that), and what meds making u worse...then...i doubt the whole system can be of much use since mental illness is not assess via blood, urine, ecg or imaging tests but through survey, observation and communication.

[eudemonism]

Yea ok @Adek so is your mom still alive? Sorry i know its a sensitive question. But im just wondering how long people who get the jab last for. Because for me personally, it has been a very... up and down journey so far...