'How can we support you?' How would you answer this?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yay @Former-Member .... super stoked for your outcome .....

🤗❤️💕

[Zoe7]

To be honest with you @Former-Member I had myself a bit worried too. I think it did really all come to a head the other day after reading a few posts - I pretended that I was ok so I could just 'disappear' for a while - and I really did not know at the time what 'disappear' would actually entail. I have got through it and so will you. I do know you are always in the background and I really appreciate your support - sometimes the best support is that of which you can't see  You actually jumped in last night in another situation that allowed me the time with two other members to work through some stuff - and that was just as important ot me as if I was talking directly to you - that kind of presence and support means the world to me.

So @Former-Member thankyou for everything  and look after yourself.

Huge hugs and a little of that love stuff heading your way xoxoxo

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope 😘

[Former-Member]

You know that was my plan last night @Zoe7, I knew you needed to breathe 😘 You know if you ever need you just need to tag. If I'm able I'll be here. I know the wanting to disappear feeling. It's been living with me a bit too. But enough of that. Onwards we go.

hugs 💜🤗

[Zoe7]

It really is the unexpected things that have so much impact down the track. I really didn't feel very safe anywhere for a couple of days - and that included on here. Those two who chatted with me last night certainly did help alleviate that a little - and you helping out with my little caterpillar meant I could actually give my time to ME and still know she was well looked after and supported - and that means so muck.

@Former-Member You're a gem - thankyou - and the same goes for you - give me a shout out if you need also 

[Former-Member]

HI @Former-Member

Sorry i missed this ost, totally unintentionally, just flicking here there and everywhere and im drawing aswell so must have missed the comment.

Im really sorry your in hospital but i suppose your in the right place to get some help, and hopefully help you recover quicker. im glad writing it all down helps you though, it might have to try that myself, it seems to be helping quite a few words.

im sending you lots of hugs and well wishes and hope you get better soon @Former-Member 

Oh and BTW thank you for your help with me the other night, i really appreciate it and im sorry if it caused you any harm at all.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member - thank you very much for sharing your experience, especially given how difficult things are for you at the moment. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. I have been thinking of you but not wanting to overwhelm you by letting you know that a random stranger's thoughts are with you, particularly given that you have many friends here. 

What you said makes perfect sense. Often my emotions get the better of me and I think people can see how I am and miss what I am saying. I also find the same thing with life appearing one way from the outside (great) and feeling a completely different way on the inside (terrible). I wrote this somewhere else a little while ago and am realising how much of a thing that is for me. Just before school run I started jotting down some notes to go with Zoe's idea and it quickly turned into a letter, which felt much more comfortable for me so it was awesome timing to see your response. I communicate much better when I am able to keep my emotions in check (I think we all do) as I can sometimes flip out or totally shut down during a conversation that doesn't feel safe. This meeting doesn't feel safe already, which is because it's either actually not safe, or because I am still in 'freak out, the entire world is unsafe' mode. I was thinking that I will put something down in letter format when I am thinking clearly and read it at the meeting. 

I also totally relate to the BPD rep. It's been a label that was put on me (now I have other labels and 'BPD traits' apparently). It was before anyone realised it was actually trauma. Personally I find the idea of personality disorders hideous but I also have a lot of respect for people who find them useful for them and think it's such an individual thing. I can flip out when I am not heard, respected, understood etc. or when there is a miscommunication, or I feel trapped.. and it could be very easily labelled. I also swing between go go go thanks to anxiety kind of feelings, and down and flat thanks to feeling sad. Also easily labelled if wanted.

I'm starting to get worked up about it again and things are hectic here so I am logging out before the whole world closes in on me and I can't breathe anymore. 

Thanks again - your response means a lot. Hope things are easier for you soon 

[Former-Member]

Good luck tomorrow @Former-Member i hope everything goes well for you

[Former-Member]

Howd you go today @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

Hi all @Zoe7, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Appleblossom... and anyone else i might have forgotten to tag...

I am completely wrecked after being up until silly late and then having massive amounts of anxiety today but wanted you to know that everything went really well. Like so well that I wouldn't have thought it possible. I decided that just getting through without completely losing the plot would be a good outcome. What happened was that I was able to put it all out there, raw honest and scarily real and be heard. I mentioned things like how important it was to know I was trying and how sometimes my biggest achievement (aside from doing the kid thing) is literally that I have survived the day. I spoke about things like how it's super helpful for people to be able to tell the difference between when I am flipping and when i need support (and used some behavioural/emotional stuff as examples thanks @Zoe7). I spoke honestly about the gap in my safety plan and we worked towards addressing that too. There was a mention of some respite somewhere somehow, as a step between here and the 'never happening again' hospital admission. I wrote my letter (which is what I was up doing until too late last night) but didn't need to use it because I was able to say everything calmly and sensibly having thought about it properly before hand. It really was massively productive and really beneficial. I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief at the moment and am thinking that maybe there's even just a bit more hope than I thought there was, and that in itself is a huge relief. Lots of hard work to go etc but massive forward step today.

I wanted to share because it helped me heaps to have this space to work it through, and things around to distract me when it got too much today and last night. So thank you all.

From a very tired, but more hopeful now Funshine 💛💗💛