Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

thanbk you @Shaz51 

I appreciate your offer of help and support so much..

You really are a lovely, genuine, sincere person.

I am so glad that I have you in my forum life...

i know that I would definitely have you  as a friend in real life....both you and mr shaz...

I am in a bad way today

husband and mine anniversary and I am trying to calm myself now before he comes home..

I do not want to upset him by him seeing me upset...

I know you understand that part..

I will lay down and have a rest I think.

Have had very little sleep for last few nights..

son ringing constantly and delusions are stronger as well as increasing...

I need a break from it.....

Thank you again 💜

I have never been good at accepting help only offering help for others xxxx

[Sophia1]

Hello @cloudcore 

I thought it best to move the conversation here.

You drew the short straw as you are the last person to respond to me I think; possibly not correct.

I think that it was you who replied to my comment re being moderated.

I have now discovered this occurred twice within a short period of time on two different threads.

Looking on other threads where people are speaking up this is not happening.

I am wondering if someone can actually explain to me why this is happening and who exactly are they keeping safe?

If this needs to be via an email I do understand but would like a clear explanation please.

Perhaps a moderator themselves could explain to me the reason why.

I realise that I can appear as having strong opinions at times. 

I also can come across as desperately trying to help some.

This is all from the heart.

I now feel though yet again. This is not the first time that this has happened.

I have also seen others feel this way.

If I cannot have a clear explanation, I will leave the forums.

I would rather not have to do this, although might or might not take some time out. Definitely stepping back  from spreading myself about when so much is pressuring me in real life.

However, transparency is the buzz word. I really would appreciate an honest answer.

Thank you for your support and help.

Please know that this is not directed at you.

I do not like writing to a generic email address where a random person responds who is not really aware of what has been occurring.

Thank you

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sophia1 

I'm moderating at the moment. We really appreciate your feedback as it is important to work with members to ensure that they feel there is a good balance of feeling free to express themselves whilst being safe and supported by the moderating team. I will be sure to pass this feedback onto our community managers. If you too would like to email them, you can do so at team@saneforums.org.

Take care, CalmingNature 

[Sophia1]

I have brought you over here to discuss matters that  for me feel in a safer environment on this thread..

my go to place when I hide...

Also where I might open up about vulnerable subjects..

A place where I land at times when I am struggling or hurting..

These are my feelings and thoughts...in relation to my response to Henry and efforts to include Meggle..

I am not upset....I am feeling vulnerable today...

I had a long session with my therapist around the subject of my son and the pain that I have carried for so very long now...

Hello @HenryX  Back to you..

Physical pain is very draining and follows as very exhausting. This further exacerbating the health of the mind.

Sitting for long stretches of time at a computer does stiffen the joints and is often not felt until starting to rise up off of the chair; move away.

This is a natural body reaction for even those who have no ongoing injuries or wear and tear..

So easy to do though isn't it..

I find that my mind becomes absorbed in what I am reading or writing. Not just on the forums..

The clock keeps on ticking and before I know it I have lost 2 hours..

Not good for stiffness in body at all. ...

My doctor once told me to have a ten minute stretch at least every hour...moving around as well..when using a computer at work...

This I forget to apply at home..

Pain killers .....apt title.....have side effects and yes can mask body warning signs to move...

If you are able to......reducing your medication might help you recognise signals allowing you to have slight movement and stretching...building up intensity and length of time..

Slowly, slowly though at first..

Do not be a racehorse like I am....

Very easy to do too much...which cannot feel like much at the time...

I know that you are very sensible and am sure that you are already aware of all of this....

Please do not see this as my trying to advise you...

More empathising and reminding you just in case...

I am glad that you picked up on the humour around your landing back on the thread....

One never knows what is around the corner laugh....

@Oaktree  is a very good friend to have...

I can see that you have had a great impact on her feeling safe on the forums...her also offering the same to you...

This is very hard to come by....

I found it hard when I first started on the forums to fit anywhere and find someone with whom I felt safe to open up a little about my situation... .

My relationships with others were more from offering support and having an interest in their life circumstances...

I met a lovely lady on the carer side whom you would have loved also @Oaktree ..

With her I was able to feel free to be myself...let loose with humour and have that sense of self without pain fleetingly.  She also was a mother of a son with schizophrenia...We supported one another and felt relief in finding a connection ....

My other bella is @Appleblossom whom we also have had misunderstandings and sorted them out to allow our friendship to be better understood and grow more...another person whose life has been integrated with schizophrenia...

an extremely misunderstood state of mind which to this day is still seriously stigmatised.

I do have other  friends on here with different circumstances and beautiful souls...

We all connect differently with others don't we..

I do love all of the members of our virtual thread and do hope so much that it will continue...

I am starting to feel again that I am pushing others too hard...

Do you think that I should step back and see what others do...?

What do you think, my friends?

I find that when I am hurting and feeling vulnerable in real life that I am less confident in my decision making on the forums...in this virtual world

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

Hello @Clawde 

I have just written another lengthy essay....

Lovely to see you my dear friend....

do you feel like talking?

or are you letting me know that you care by supporting?............

Also very special....

thank you....🧡💛💚

orange heart for friendship and caring

yellow heart to bring warm sunshine into your life

green heart to help connective you with the beautiful environment of nature xx

[Oaktree]

@Sophia1 

I am very sorry if I have made you doubt yourself due to my indecision. I am very glad that we are again on a friendly basis. However I do think that I will be leaving the forums once the forum team get onto actioning my email. I find relationships really hard and I am scared of hurting you or someone else more. You are a kind, sweet and sensitive soul and do not deserve that. I never meant to hurt you. I was hurting myself and that came out which in turn hurt you. You are going through so much with your son that it isn't fair for you to struggle here too when this is your escape. Just know that I love you and Henry so much and I am glad to have met you both. I am glad that I found the forums and now I know where it is I may come back in the future when I am feeling stronger and more able to cope with healthy relationships. Love to you both💜💜!!! @Sophia1 @HenryX 

Meggle

[Oaktree]

@Sophia1 

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so vulnerable today. I am glad that you were able to talk to your therapist about the pain that you are experiencing and I hope that it helped. Look after yourself and include some self care into your afternoon/evening. 

Much love,

Meggle

[cloudcore]

Hi @Oaktree,

We have received your email, and have tried sending you an email response this morning at 9am and earlier this afternoon, however there appears to be an issue with your inbox (possibly being full!). Please take a look at this or email us with another email address so that we can support you

from cloudcore

[Oaktree]

@cloudcore 

Yes my email seems not to be working please send back to my husband's email which I emailed you from.

Meggle

[Oaktree]

@cloudcore 

I just emailed you an alternate email address please send response to my email as soon as possible 

thanks

Meggle