Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

Thank you for being here for me

@Maggie@Owlunar @eudemonism@outlander@Adge

I believe that every turbulent stage we pass through is different as is in a different time zone...

we are different as have encountered change..time is forever moving

what seems familiar is past patterns of thought that continue to jump to the fore of our mind when our resolve is weakened..

our bodies let us know when we need to take a break ...

for me it is my overthinking...

my pattern of self doubt as a result of history ....

I have encountered panic attacks again where I have not been able to speak..

I remember mentioning on a thread that you started @Owlunar that I do not have them any more...

So much has happened in the last couple of years..

I know that I will get back up...not sure when that will be..

I have not mentioned this...I have seen my "family member"....this has had a huge impact on me...

So many feelings returning...emotions so strong...

I ask you to forgive me for not posting everyday as I know that you will....you all understand as have taken time out yourselves...

I do not feel safe on the forums when I am so vulnerable....so this is the safest place for me to be...

Whilst I am unable to support you all .....I am thinking of you....am so very comforted by your tags and messages...

take care in your own worlds and self discovery...journeys..

Sophia 💗💚💜💛❤

[Owlunar]

Hi @Sophia1

Journeys have many different colours

❤💙🧡💚💛💜 - I have had so many

There is no need to apologize for not coming in every day - there are days when I feel I have nothing to say - literally - I might write in my journal - mostly not - I get tired and introspective and I understand what you are saying

I have just thought of it - someone wrote that they were told they think too much. I wondered immediately - "too much for whom" but then - I really don't know about over-thinking - cause I seem to be thinking all the time.

You might be able to help me here with understanding that - I was staying at a hotel some time back - just overnight - and I paid an outrageous price for an indifferent meal and I didn't tip - just paid cash so there was no mistake and this was noticed by the cashier - and during the night I was bothered - I could have complained but hadn't - and it went on all night until I asked myself "What have I learned?" - 

I won't eat there again and I will tell other people - the service was good at the hotel but I didn't tip and we don't have to here but it is appreciated. I could have arroused people's displeasure and that would not have served me well because it's not somewhere I will go again.

On and on - until I decided that I had done the right thing to suit myself

Is this over-thinking? I would like to know - anyway

Yes - you did mention that you had stopped having panic attacks - which is a good thing - I think I have too - I had them behind the wheel of my car at times and that is a bad place to have them - perhaps they pass off with the passing of years - I really think so - but don't know so

But journeys - hum - yes - right now you are building a new house and you are renting somewhere so you have to move again - and this btw is one of life's major stressors - 

Decisions too can be crises moments

Okay - journeys and decisions etc - I am planning my next trip now which is not likely to be until February or March - I think I would like to go to Uluru - I flew over the desert going to Cairns and back and it was  fantastic - I would like to see more - Google maps have been interesting but the real deal - the sky at night out in the desert would be a great sight - so I have made the decision - just not booking it yet.

But decisions about inward journeys - now that is different - it's not good to go too deep alone on those journeys but we all must do it sometime - I hope your inward journeys bear good fruit

Sending best thoughts

Dec

[Sophia1]

hello @Owlunar

I love your response as I always do...

You write like a storyteller which intrigues me...

Your analogy of your poor experience when you ate out was interesting also..

there were so many sides to the story and so many different turns and twists that could have been taken...

each providing a different outcome..

You chose to take the path that was right for you at the time...this is the best that we can do for ourselves...

this is something that I try to remind myself...as I often say to others....

"I did what I felt was the best thing to do at the time....hindsight is not a wonderful thing at all"

In regard to the panic attacks I managed to confuse you....I had stop having them all together which was what I had written on the other thread....

I have now experienced a couple of horrible ones where I cannot speak at all...

Yes overthinking for me is telling myself ....switch off brain....enough...I think all of the time...wearing...

is a good way to be but more important is to know when to just let everything be still an exist in that stillness...

Hello @Former-Member....thank you for your acknowledgement...

I read somewhere ...do not remember where....about the mantras that you use daily...

I have written them down and am carrying them with me at all times when out of home....

gently reminding myself by reading them if my mind goes blank...a frequent occurrence at present...

so thank you for sharing @Former-Member

I would love to hear any other strategies that you have used....there are so many out there...

one size does not fit all..

so am always open to reading and yes "thinking" about something new...

thank you folks ❤💛💜💚💗

[Sophia1]

hello @eudemonism

Yes I call them meteorite storms when they are so intense...

highs and lows like the ebb and flow of the mind's thoughts... well put..

as you say such a contrast in motivating at times and debilitating at other times...

I understand your thinking....

as I have said before your self awareness is increasing with your thinking through what you have experienced...

not easy...but a path well worth taking...

always with support nearby...

take care 

Sophia

[Sophia1]

Hello @Adge

So sorry to read that you have further health setbacks...

the physical body can only take so much of carrying such intense emotions that need releasing at some stage...be it slowly...gently....as well as just allowing them to be during extreme bouts...

I can understand that you feel as though life is just giving you one too many blows...

I think that is the reason why many of us end up on these forums...

all too much...

keep on keeping on for you though Adge...

take care

Sophia

[Sophia1]

thank you for the pictures of life's most beautiful animal...

the ever so gentle giant ....

the eternal mother..

an animal that grieves...

@outlander

very special images....

take care of you also....as you have been doing for some time now...

you too are growing in self awareness...

take care

Sophia

[eudemonism]

@Sophia1 I've also had severe panic attacks where i could not move or speak. It was very frightening.

Just yesterday i bumped into two family members WHEN out AND about. It triggered some old memories to arise to the surface. For good cause.

I said a preyer about it and tried to move on as best i could. I deliberately don't go out of my way to see them and avoid if anything. Because it flares up the repent and resent cycle. The questioning. The guilt. The blame. The sabotage and the punishment.

Family 'get togethers ' are not real good. Public encounters and exposure to people who trigger of thoughts and feelings of persecution or grandiosity. Both as bad as one another. Basically avoiding and ending relationships because of fear of being shamed because of my past behaviour. Relationships which i needed to develop properly and build proper support networks to build a good life.

Just yesterday i thought. Why couldn't my parents accept AND support and encourage me as i was? Rather then judge, discourage and ostracize? Because basically after 14 years of brainwash from the system I've ended up in the same position as the same person with the same problems inside and outside.

[outlander]

@Sophia1
Its more than ok if your not posting every day and that you feel safest here. Perfectly fine, its just good to see you when you feel up to being here.

Elephants are pretty cool. Im glad you like them, my favourites the baby playing the the soccer ball. Very cute.

Hugs

[Adge]

Thanks heaps @Sophia1 Much appreciated.

Yes too many blows from life (mainly health setbacks) - I'm finding it so hard to get back up or to keep on going.

I'm sure you are familiar with that.

Adge

[Sophia1]

hello @eudemonism

Meeting relatives whom trigger past trauma in your life is beyond comprehension for anyone..

You tell us that you have developed a strategy to get by for now...

Eude you deal with so much more than most of us and you are here now ....

@TAB @Shaz51 @Bunniekins @Adge @outlander  

zoe was tagged but could not work...you are included zoe