Walking on the road to recovery ........ 🤔

[Former-Member]

My SIL is a little bit the same as you @Teej, she uses a 'token' a piece of jewellery on a necklace on her neck to centre herself and remind herself not to take on other peoples crap. She also talks about putting her hand on her heart to protect it from other's negativity.
Don't know if that helps at all.
But one thing I have also noticed about people that take on others emotions is that they are more sensitive and caring. I'm as emotionally sensitive and supportive as a wooden post, but SIL is very emotive and caring and sensitive. It's just that these wonderful qualities have downsides too.
Kinda like a yin and yang.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I agree @Former-Member ..... and I also put my hand on my heart, or on my stomach at times when I am distressed ... as some sort of self-care action.

[Appleblossom]

I agree with @Faith-and-Hope and @utopia. I am learning those strategies with varying degrees of success, but disagree with @Former-Member YOU are not a wooden post or at least a wonderfully carved one with nuanced grain.

[Teej]

Hiya @Former-Member,

i just saw you were around, I happened to have a quick look when you were last on and it said an hour ago 😆. Just dropping in a hi and hope you are well.

im sitting here procrastinating writing lots of stuff that is going on in my head just now. 

[utopia]

Hi @Teej. I'm not concealedcow - but would you like to talk to me?

[Teej]

Thanks @utopia. I was just dropping in a hello to concealedcows before. 

The stuff that’s in my head is being really unsure how to get going again, how to trust myself, how to be someone I could respect just an inch. I feel paralysed and scared to move forward in case I stuff it up. I’m not sure if you’ve had this feeling before. My mood is being much more controlled on my current antidepressants but I’m not sure what to do next. I have that dark cloud of doom kind of hanging over my head but I don’t feel really sad. I’m rambling really. I guess I discovered recently that I maybe I’m safer just living in my head than wrecking others lives and my own by venturing out. 

[Teej]

Think that reads like a self pity party really. I think it probably is 😒

[Former-Member]

Never a pity party @Teej!

It's so nice to hear how you're getting on. It's been such a busy night- I havent stopped- and I'm just about to log off 😞

I'm glad you're feeling more in control.. What is it that they say? With great power comes great responsibility? So you have the power to control yourself now that you're on the right meds.. but that also means taking on more responsibility, which means more pressure, which means more anxiety... which leads you to need to control things even MORE... do you get my drift? Sound familiar? hahaha. 

Sounds like your stuck right now and not sure where to turn. But I think in time you will learn to trust yourself. Baby steps? What do you think?

[Teej]

Thanks for dropping in @Former-Member. Think you are on overtime. 

What you wrote made lots of sense for some things. I do think anxiety is at an all time high. Perhaps the need to control is that of needing me to be in control of me. I’ve been acting like an unruly child I think. One of my newly learned lessons is that I still struggle with doing things for me. I put others close to me being ok before I work on me being ok. I spend all my time trying to work out everyone else’s needs, which I get wrong often, instead of working on me.....amongst other things. I have two interviews for volunteer work this month that I’m petrified about but will work towards that.

I hope your week is good and life is treating you well. Hope to catch up next time you are around. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

Oh I can definitely see that. You're such a giving person.. It's always your first instinct. 

But like they tell us day in day out... You have to take care of yourself first and foremost so that you are CAPABLE of taking care of others. Can't pour from an empty cup. Wow I'm full of sayings tonight aren't I! hahaha.

Wow volunteering! How fantastic! I'm so proud of you and happy for you. You will just thrive doing that I can bet anything. Take the interviews as learning expreriences if nothing else- don't put more undue pressure on yourself! Being simply yourself will be enough I'm sure. 

if I don't chat to you again before hand- BREAK A LEG!!!! I'll be sending you all the positive vibes!!!