NOT SURE?

[Shaz51]

Hello @Appleblossom

how are you going today xx

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member @Former-Member & @Shaz51

Fortunately I can say I am good.

 Last night I was getting freneitc, and my neck started going .. as I had a lot planned for today... to drive across town in morning for 2 events with son .. Yesterday I was flat out getting things done too and the day before ...

So last night as I was driving to a chistmas writing group gathering .. I turned back and and asked son if he minded if I cancelled .. as I was seizing up .. neck muscles .. etc.

He was fine with it .. Ahh relief .. I have now been able to relax and recoup .. he has gone off doing all his things today .. so he did not cancel for him .. I just dropped him at the station.

The surprising and great point .. is that in this .. the son is not like the father 

The father .. would ridicule me and set up a further challenge for me .. which is why my neck started going within 6 months of living with him and taking on his baby.

Thank for asking and being there.  Unfortunately NONE of my biological family cared an iota... for whatever reason.

[Former-Member]

So glad that you are good. And very glad that your son is able to go off on his own to keep his plans. This takes pressure off of you. also glad that you are able to do what you need to do, to stay (as much as you can) healthy/not hurting!)
As you know, i also have no family, and they never really cared unless i'd stopped doing something for them and then they'd suddenly notice that i was around... to be angry with!.. i dont think we need them hey!
lj

[Appleblossom]

Its so sad that family life gets that way. @Former-Member  But sometimes it is true. 

I have taken a long time to let go of my desire for family .. but my desire was unbalanced .. due to early abandonment and my complete identification with the role of nurturer and self sacrifice...  my affections were not really related to the level of caring attention. 

Sometimes it takes us a while to get out of the firing line.

@Shaz51 How are you?

[Former-Member]

Awesome to see things going well @Appleblossom. Your son sounds like he is on a good path now. So fabulous to see you looking after you too. There is a WOOHOO right there

PS supposedly I have a somewhat functional family who just did my head in 30 min ago. How to go from pretty calm to 80 in 60 seconds. Seriously Christmas is overrated.

Please know that I'm not trying to minimise what you and @Former-Member have experienced with families, I couldn't imagine what you've been through..... just highlighting that they are hard stressful work too. I'm actually pretty proud I didn't go into meltdown.

[Appleblossom]

I know about how easily I lose my sense of calm @Former-Member and that is with people who dont really know me .. so I give them the benefit of the doubt and call .. it .. a little misunderstanding ... and get up again.

When they have known you all your life .. there may be something else in play.

No worries .. no comparisons .. I kinda get where you are coming from.

[Former-Member]

oh yes, there is lots at play @Appleblossom, one doesn't have my diagnosis (especially DPD) without sufficient factors in play but I'm just awakening to them and its rocky now I see all the behaviours and patterns that are unhealthy. Its all ok though.

[Shaz51]

Great to see things going well ' @Appleblossom 

I am feeling a little bit better once I stopped listening to hubby

this afternoon i have done some cooking and wrote out christmas cards for our clients to keep me busy

[Appleblossom]

Sometimes we need to listen and sometimes we need to distance if it is too negative. @Shaz51

I am still happy that my son is going off on a holiday with his girlfriend.

.. but I am back to feeling .. very vulnerable, low energy and even a bit brutalised .. maybe thats just me .. underneath .. when I can drop the motherhood mantle.  I dont think of it as a mask at all .. as I am real and authentic in it .. but it is a different responsibility .. where our focus is on the other .. or when we reflect on ourselves.  I can be busy to distract from it .. but it is still there .. my traumatised self. Sorry about whingeing.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Appleblossom xx

 You are sharing,  not whingeing my friend

I think too that Sometimes we need to listen and sometimes we need to try to distract the  negative talk too xx

I know i say a lot about when i did childcare but i looked after children for 14 hours a day , five days a week , you think I would be wow about the weekend

But you should of seen me on saturdays , i was a mess, I missed the children , even the cat was looking around for the children

so I know what you mean , even when the stepchildren used to come and go , I would want to start texting them xx