Well things have gotten out of control where I am spacing out on the phone or verbally apparently I am very verbal (abusive??) and not remembering my impulsiveness has also starting to get out of control and my Disability advocate (main reason is NDIS and help with other areas) is pressuring me to get more documents but wont be specific refuses to communicate with other supports even though I have signed consent.
Also my support coordinator is expecting me to continue to self advocate as its in her right to do as I only have funds for 30-45mins per week and has done no service agreements or help me I have had to find and negotiate a plan manager. As well as try to the point of breaking of negotiating with home care organisation I was with as the original service coordinator I was put with was my old case manager that refused to do anything and with NDIS was giving Support coordinator completely wrong information that I would have been taken financial advantage of thankfully my care worker called his supervisor and now under her and now sorted.
My mental health got the point I tried to voluntarily admit myself to Hopsital 1 while I still had the capacity to think straight as for the last 4-5 week MH Nurse has been trying to get me to due to complete mood instability was refused but apparently I space out and apparently went off verbally and admitted to seclusion as only bed with 2 psychiatric sleeping tablets about 1-2am.
Was transfered to the hospital 1 mental facility later that night was offered medication 2 anti anxiety tablets (which I am on) and a powerful antipsychotic 100mgs(which I was able to refuse as wasnt sure I could handle as i had tried that 12 years ago and had to cut the lowest tablet 25mg in half the original time I tried in a hypomanic state but couldnt handle it)
The next day the psychiatrist had already made up his mind that I was the community's responsibility and GP to manage meds as thinking the anti depressant might have a bad affect on me as not on mood stabilizer and been advised by my last treating Psychiatrist not to go as high. The facility psychiatrist asked me why I even needed a mood stabilizer tried to explain I am bipolar my moods are out of control and attempted to show him the mood diary I attempted to do but was not interested in looking at and told me I am getting discharged and made me to take the current dosage of anti depressant even though I tried to object the medication. Was escorted into a taxi with a voucher and driver was directed to take me home at this point I had my support worker about to pick me up.
Made a few phone calls support worker (as he took me in and was going to visit me) old case manager that has always helped me and still is even though I am no longer with that organisation as they are leaving the NDIS) cant remember exactly what was said but know I said I wasn't suicidal but impulsive rang both my GP and Mh OT and got the receptionists for both and the OT receptionist stayed on the line til my support worker walked through my door and spoke to him.
About 30-1hr at home still with Support worker he answered my mobile as I didn't feel up to it and put it on speaker with my permission it was the ambulance dispatch to take me to hospital as either the GP or OT rang them. Went to Hospital 2 kept overhearing from reception I was not high priority this is infront of the Ambos, support worker the ambos waited about an hour until they were told they could go. Waited 4-5 hours to see someone who assessed me and told me I should disobey all medical and mental adivse and take the anti anxiety meds more regular and sent me home.
Both times I explained I did not feel safe due to impulsiveness and my history as well as briefly spacing out and my mh nurse was on leave for another 2 or so week and psychologist had just left me as the psychologist cant deal with crisis (was told via email).
For the past 13 or so years I have had psychologists try to admit me for intense psychotherapy and medication management(but either I or treating psychiatrists) as my mind is too fragile due to originally childhood abuse and now even more fragile as a lot has happened and suppressed as psychologists have only been able to do CBT due to my fragile mind hence why I tried to admit myself on Tuesday night but got refused by 2 mental health facilities as I believe I am now at breaking point as my ASD lvl2 Bipolar 2 anxiety disorders are all nearly completely out of control and getting nearly impossible to suppress stuff.
Any advise as I cant afford private as on DPS and no support as been refused by psychologist (need to find a new one) maybe by MH nurse practitioner I have seen for 5 years (as he gets back in about 2 weeks)
Also I feel I have over stood the boundaries of my support worker as even though his supervise knows he had given his private mobile number in case of separation as I do photography with him and he advised everyone he was care worker and told his supervisor I ended up deleting his number (all traces and backups) so I cant contact him after hours worker doesnt know yet and if I can still work with him I will refuse to have it as this week I feel I lost sight of the boundary with the hospital.
I have just read through an email by my second last psychologist that CBT didnt work for me hense why my core and past issues were never addressed looks like my last psychologist didnt pay attention to that as for the last couple of years he and his interns focused on nothing but CBT.
