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Something’s not right

Life

Re: Life

Dear @Jacques
I Hate the slowness of the Australian Government in change
For instance for @Former-Member
Rosie Batty

I apologise if this is triggering you but I don't want to be anything but proactive in this
Lj is our darling friend who is brave enough to keep on walking

I feel like Lj reminds me of a sweetheart who needs us to bring her little messages of love

Ide love to talk about something else :
My son was working today and he spends every day where he works making sure a certain autistic man gets the best service possible : he is manager of his section and today another worker was complaining about this certain Autistic man and my son says : other people' come here every day : why just focus on him ? Other workers tried to calm my son down and said : oh that's just him..... Just ignore him laughing at the Autistic man
But my son reported him.
I picked him up with @LittleBuddha tonight and he was telling us about it, I commented that we had spent some time with someone who told me he had Autism and no one ever spoke to him and after our conversation : he pulled out a snack for Arlo out of his backpack
My son then said that he was really glad that he reported this worker and I suggested he looked online at Sane about mindful Employers
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Life

That's lovely for your son to do and stand up like that 💓 you have raised a good man

Re: Life

Hi @Former-Member

Yes isnt it great that people do stick up for each other.

Motherhood is exhausting and takes everything we have to give ... but the proud mum feeling makes it worth it.  I could say today ... that I really like the man my son has become ... that I dont have the problems that most of the other mums complain about their adult sons ... the feedback isnt immediate ... but all the effort and consideration you put in does reap rewards.

Hope you get a good night sleep.

 

Re: Life

Hi @PeppiPatty,

 

Yes, it makes me so angry seeing how women continue to be treated, while these monster men go on with their lives, it is just not fair, they never seem to be punished for their crimes, or if they are it is embarrasingly inadequate.

 

All these men know is violence, so i think they should be treated like wise, and should have all their assets taken away to support the people they abuse, they should be the ones left with nothing, not the women.

 

Your son @PeppiPatty sounds like a wonderful man, what a heroic job to do, helping the vulnerable, i am so glad he reported that man, if he thinks like that, then he is not suited to the job he is in. 

 

@PeppiPatty you are a wonderful person, i am so glad you are here on the forums.

 

Take care

 

Jacques

Re: Life

@Jacques
Your an assert too ...... I love how you write
So much

And for a male ..... Upfront .....
Yeah well I've had my domestic violent partners ...... But the stalker didn't hit me ...... Is still trying to get me kicked out of my unit .... It's fading though
......
The politicians are fighting the wrong way when they don't focus on the magistrates.
My story is by far no where the worst .... I wasn't hit.

Re: Life

Thank you @PeppiPatty, i like the way you write too, very direct and caring.

 

I have never been in a relationship, so i really don't understand how they work, but if you get to the point of being abusive, to my way of thinking the relationship is over well before you get to that point.

 

I am glad the Stalker you had is leaving you alone bit by bit, just because he never hit you does not mean he didn't leave his mark, psychological Violence can be even more harmful than physical violence, the scares it leaves on our memories and our way of seeing people has lasting impacts. i have been tortured by a neighbour for over 7 years, i am who i am today because of the abuse i suffered. 

 

I think what annoys me most is the abusers go on to have new relationships, go on with their lives while the victims are left to suffer and piece their lives back together. i would love to see where the abuser has all their assets taken from them and sold off to support their abused partner. a way for the perpetrator to feel a little of what they have done to their significant other. 

 

One thing i have learned from experts and documentaries on domestic violence is men never feel guilty about what they have done, the pretend to feel sorry, but on the most part they continue to abuse future partners, the only thing i have found men respond to is violence and loss of assets. 

 

I see men who abuse women as weak, impotent and of a lower class of human, i have noticed most abusers will not fight someone who can hit back, only the people who will not do anything back.

 

As i see it, nothing is going to change the way men think, politicians come out for their photo opportunity with domestic violence, but for the most part they really do nothing to keep women safe. 

 

Men who abuse need to go on a perminant register so future partners can see if they are in danger, this is the only way to keep women safe.

Re: Life

thinking of you @Former-Member, please do something nice for yourself.

be gentle with yourself.

take care, be safe, maybe a virtual hug too

Jacques

Re: Life

Dear @Jacques
There is a wonderful lady I would love for you to meet called @Shaz51
I forgot what her thread is called but she's on carers forum
Can you say hi to her ? I think that she will very appreciate you .....
I'm direct ? Please. How about simple but she's kind ??
Lol lol
Um look we need to look at this matter proactively I think that in the book by this wonderful Psychoanalyst and ..... I think she's a preacher now ..... Called Intimacy and Solitude by Stephanie Dowrick if I remember she writes of The patterns in these abusers lives and it's not so good
They may ...... Immediately replace the victim but ......
Bound to repeat
Start or ...... Continue self punishing behaviour
Oh my this book was my bible for over a year and forgot what she wrote .....
And the well over the relationship...... Why does it continue ?? Why does she go back ??
I think that that's a difficult question I gave myself but I think a little of it is tied up in the people who wrote about Object Relations in early 20 th Century :
I don't have any notes on me so what I write is memory : I'm at LittleBuddhas place :
Is that how you were born and the first years of your life are supposed to determine the patterns you keep with throughout your life
For instance : object relations : the study of a person infancy
Jeepers I'm ranting ..... Just a tic
So if a persons infancy was that they were stuck in a cot all day and ignored ..... They are unfortunately going to be grabbing at any idea of what love is
I'm sorry I'm really tired @Jacques
Can I write more to you tomorrow ?? Anne
Xx

Re: Life

Dear Anne,

 

Oh Anne, please don't put yourself down like that, i do not see you as simple, you are very learned, you read a lot and try to broaden your knowledge, to me that is smart. oh and you are very kind 😄

 

Yes i have read many books about how the purpetrators have had bad childhoods or they are Anxious or depressed, all the excuses.

 

I want to tell you a little story, my father was born 2 years after WWII in Germany, his first 18 years where hell, he spent his first day of birth with his mother, the second day he spent at the coal mines because she was forced by the British to go back to work digging coal, by the time he was 7 he was in a boys home because of family disputes, he had a terrible life, but he was the most kindest gentest person, never once yelling at my mother or ever abusing her. 

 

that is one story, mine is one of very little affection, my parents made sure i had every thing i could ever want, but because the both of them came from very strickt households they showed me little affection, i don't think i am abusive or agressive towards women?

 

What i am trying to say is we are who we want to be, nurture does play a part, but that is why we have a little thing called a brain, we can think for ourselves, we know right from wrong, yes i SH which i know is anger turned inwards, but that affects no one but me. 

 

I know reading about relationships they are very complex, and i have struggled to understand why women go back after being abused or why they don't leave in the first signes of abuse, i have never been in a relationship so i would never judge, i just don't understand that is all.

 

Anne yo uare a wise woman, please give yourself credit, the things you write about, the people you help with public housing i.e. letter writing, shows you are a very smart lady.

 

Oh Please give Mr Arlo a cuddle for me 😄

 

Take care my friend 

 

Jacques

Re: Life

Dear Jacques

How are you ? Mr Arlo is giving you a cuddle ; everyone loves Arlo : When I have a visitor, he cuddles up to them and sits at their feet it's very cute !

I think that what I was trying to write last night is that for women in domestic violence : there's a tendency for their original relationships to be remembered ; what's so so hard is that when a mother gives birth to a child : it's important to just be completely available for the infant : and unfortunately : that little infant has their own perceptions whether the mum was there for them
So .... The infant grows up to be a lady and enters a relationship with Dv ...... Things like past memories are triggered and ..... For some women ..... Those memories of family not being there for them come into play and .......... These women need more support than there is out there.
How can we get more support for these ladies ? I'm a true believer in group therapy
And community drop in centres ......

When ...... A long time ago ..... My first husband messed me around ......... I had no support .........
Anyway ....... Years later ...... I've found my mojo ........ It's not money or worrying about money ..... It's just being me
Thanks for saying that I'm wise ..... You are too ...... Maybe we both love and appreciate the support we have both gotten during the years ...... You from your mum and me from where I've gone

Thanks for thinking about Arlo when we were to my sons for dinner; he just cuddled up to all these young adults ..... My son was making dinner for about 8 of his friends
We ..... Were smiling away at his cleverness ........

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