Life

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Balance is good.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member

Working out pros and cons is part of it. I can understand the worker sitting on the fence .. you have been through a hell of a lot .. and have out of school hours responsibilities .. you didnt mention if your second day meeting the class went better than the first day ... or what the issues were.

What grade level are you supposed to teach? Year 6 is more boisterous than the littlies

Duty of care is important to both you and the class .. he shouldnt set you up for something that you might not be able to maintain day in day out ... that would be worse for your confidence anyway.  

I always had confidence in myself as a worker and as teacher ... I thought of going into schools after my divorce .. and arranged to spend a couple of days with my aunt who was a music co-ordinator at a high school. I quickly learned that I was not up for it.  Teenagers simply do not have the presence of mind and politeness to be careful passing me in the busy corridors .. then I met 3 women who had suffered attacks at school ... I would have been crippled and was terrified of the prospect of dealing with aggression and discipline issues ... later I spent some time at Yoralla sussing out whether I should do music therapy, but it was too hands on and I am not that flexible in my body any more.  I had to shelve my hopes for a career and just kept teaching in my studio .. started singing and continued writing ... all things I loved.

it took a lot for me to admit to myself that I was permanently disabled as I had been so career focussed. 

A doctor whispered once during a consultation that my back wasnt going to get any better.  I didnt pay it any heed at the time, but later accepted that she was letting me into the realisation slowly.  She was the one who arranged for my pension. 

Dont take it as a put-down. It is an important decision.  It doesnt mean that you dont take the children at school or your own children's situation and safety seriously.  Encouragement has its limits.

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Former-Member

@Crazy_Bug_Lady Has said it so much better than me .......

You read more confident when you write about work

[Former-Member]

It's a 4/5 class - the issues were varied - I didn't feel as confident as I though I would - it took me part of the day to find my feet, it's a 'tough' school and I haven't worked in a similar school for about 8 years and had forgotten how strict I needed to be. Plus a few other things but too hard to go into here.
I don't know what to do, I just feel defeated in so many ways. Also got a call from my sons psychologies who the court has ordered that I get a report from regarding his treatment and care/progress and whether she thinks that more time with my ex is going to be ok for him and she says she doesn't do court stuff so now the independent Childrens lawyer has asked that my ex be allowed to speak with the psychologist when ever he likes to discuss his treatment and such and the icl be allowed to monitor that I am taking him to all appointments and I'm furious because I feel like she's 'monitoring' me to ensure I'm caring for my child! I've never had any criticism from the people who I've asked for help from with my kids and parenting and mostly get told that I'm doing well just be more confident in myself and keep doing what I'm doing to help my son especially and not to be so hard on myself but this icl has seemed to decide that because my ex has said I have 'extremely serious' mental health issues in the focus of her current investigations. I feel like the criminal - meanwhile she's basically ignoring everything to do with him and what he's capable of doing and has done in the past. I'm so cross and confused with this 'system' and feel like everything I am and do is under scrutiny and not getting the approval to go back to work sets my anxiety alarm bells ringing in my head and all the negative 'voices' start telling me they're right and I'm just not seeing things clearly and A whole heap of more negative thoughts about how crap I really am crowd in. I hate my head and this place in life that seems to be controlled by the whim of a lawyer, the courts in general and the utterances of the one who has been found guilty of being a crap horrible awful disgusting piece of crap to me and the kids in the past and still gets to continue the torture.

[Appleblossom]

It takes most teachers time to find their feet in a new school... half a day is not much.

That is a bit weird .. because the psychologist "doesnt do" court stuff ... your ex has open access to her???  But she will do the report??  Thats not a confused suystem but a professional trying to have her cake and eat it.

Sorry it sets off alarm bells in me .. the way the social workers from DHS dumped us when confronted with court. Then the Supreme Court offsiders got in on the act. Sometimes outsiders think they are more objective but do they really have the long term interest of child at heart or their ego and pay packet. I didnt deal with this in my divorce .. it was all managed privately ..I had enough of it at the beginning of relationship with my ex and his separation.

There can be a case of too many cooks (lawyers and psychs) spoil the broth.

So did pdoc refuse to give approval for return to work or is he hedging for time to make his decision?

(lj I dont know the answers .. I am just throwing in questions and stories of my experience to help you clarify things and decide.)

I agree its a good idea to accept the house ... it will help minimise the number of decisions to make ... I get that you also are a deeply caring and creative and informed mum.

I think it is most important you maintain the good enough mantra.  Deflect the negative thoughts. You dont have to be perfect .. and you are probably more than good enough. 

[Former-Member]

No the psychologist won't do a report, the icl will just accept the report that they recieve from the family assessment person who will do observations of me with the children and their father with the them. Plus I will include mire information from the paediatrician who thinks my son should not be around his father at all unless it is supervised.

[Appleblossom]

Has the paediatrician been around for a while ... since before the court cases started?

You do need to keep your self doubt at bay ..  I know that is hard when you are under siege.

It doesnt mean you are less of a person if you do fulltime or part-time. 

Self belief is a big part of what we can do ... you are right .. credibility is important .. but it does not mean capable like a robot being able to constantly perform.

[Jacques]

Hi @Former-Member,

Try not to be too hard on yourself, this is how the system works, he is trying to play it, trying to play you, being convited of abusing you i can't see how any judge would allow him access without supervision, as for your treating team, allow them to do their job, i know it is tough, i know it fills you with self doubt, but seeing on here how you are with the kids you are a great mum, so nothing else really matters, just keep doing what you are doing and allow everything else to happen, in time all the experts will se how wonderful you are with the kids, he will try to manipulate the system, i have seen it a million times and so have the courts.

@Former-Member, just enjoy your time with the children, all the court stuff, all the other stuff going on in your life mean nothing when you have two little humans that call you mum and tell you that they love you.

stay strong @Former-Member, the courts will see through his manipulation.

Thinking of you my friend, you are stronger than you know.

Jacques

[Former-Member]

Sadly the courts are willing to put children in possible harms way to preserve a fathers right to a relationship with their child. And vice versa. Because he was only found guilty of harming me... It really hasn't caught up in family court here that domestic violence affects children as it has my two 😞 (my lawyer says our court only finds 1 percent of sexual assault trials guilty when the rest of Australia is up over 5 percent because we're a conservative country area and the judge is very father rights oriented).
It's a battle that just seems like it will go on and on forever and I'm out of strength - just need to get through the next few days

[Jacques]

Oh what a shame @Former-Member, i just hope one day you can move away from him, so visits are limited.

@Former-Member, this will be over one day and you will be able to move on with your life, you just need to stay strong, you are not alone, you have the SANE forum family giving you all the support we can.

Try to allow things to slow down, stay in the present, their is no use in focusing on the future, what will be, will be.

i hope it all works out in the new year, you know if you need support, their are plenty of services out their to help you.  use them, that is what they are their for.

take care my friend.

Jacques