My special place

[Snowie]

Good morning @Faith-and-Hope @Sans911 @outlander @Maggie @Zoe7 and all who came past here to help me.

I have been on a downward spiral lately and have had to do a lot of self care to help me through it. Yesterday I had my psych session which was hard however he made some valid points. Yesterday I was too distressed to be able to process them, today I can. I also rang H to come home yesterday, something that was extremely hard to do, but did help me not spiral down further.

I had a good sleep thanks to my meds and have woken up feeling a little better. I struggle to ask for help and then when I do, I feel guilty for it. I know a lot have these same feelings.

I have written a script down about these things that I can read when I am distressed. I won't go into details here, however it is about me saying to myself that I do deserve help, do deserve to be listened to and that my past trauma is not my fault. 

I am asking you all for help. That if I get distressed again, please remind me to read my script. I realise that when we are distressed a lot of our thinking and reasoning skills disappear.

So I do feel a bit better today. I still have those SH, SI thoughts, however they are not as intense and I feel like I can see a flickering light in the distance. So will keep walking towards that.

Thanks for reading and I hope this finds you well 

[outlander]

@Snowie ❤ well done ❤

[Sans911]

This is the sweetest things to read today. I think it will probably make my day. I'm going to copy and post in my reminder file. I'm so very, very proud of you. Big, squishy hugs coming at you!

You come through a very dark and difficult few days when you still cling on to life, despite occasionally loosing grip with one hand.

[Maggie]

@Snowie 💛💛☀️☀️

[Snowie]

Thanks @outlander

Thanks @Maggie, how are you today?

Thanks @Sans911, big squishy hugs back to you!

[Maggie]

@Snowie Not a good one for me today, small steps, hard when you want to sprint ahead of yourself.

[Snowie]

@Maggieplease take care of you hun. It is hard when we want to sprint but sometimes small steps is all we can do. Please remember it is in the right direction still. 

[Snowie]

Starting to feel a bit more anxiety tonight.

Have got my pdoc tomorrow afternoon. Someone from work cover is coming to the first half of the appointment. I am starting to stress a bit.

I am anxious that the pdoc will say I am ok to try and start maybe trying a few hours of work each week. I am scared that this will set me back. There was something in the media the other day very close to home that triggered me and I know I need to mention it.

I am also anxious that the pdoc will say that I am not fit for work ans still need more time and that starting work again is going to be detrimental to my recovery.

Does this make any sense? I am worried about the exact opposite thing happening. This is too confusing for even me.

[outlander]

@Snowietry to be as honest with your pdoc as you can and with workcover as well. if you dont feel ready as yet would you be comfortable in saying that your not ready yet and would like to learn skills to cope first? 

how do you actually feel about going back to work? is that something you think you could manage even as a casual? 

im not sure how workcover runs but you should still be able to have some sort of say dont you?

[Zoe7]

I get it @Snowie what you think will happen and what may happen are on opposing sides but the reality is you can't even decide in your own mind what you want or need. I am in a similar boat. I am going 'out of my mind' not being able to work and am constantly hoping my pdoc says let's try to get you back to work sooner but then she will say I am not ready yet - it becomes too much to think about.