Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Humbleempath]

Everything I do is not right according to her and it just becomes argument ! She blames me for what she does wrong by herself  ..she just  yells at me and bully's me and be very very controlling inside the house but in general in front of other people she comes across very nice ..please help as I am getting bullied for little tiny things which I dont even do  .

If someone comes (Friends etc ) over to my house then next day I get told that that person was saying such and such thing and I get dragged for no reason which becomes Argument .

Please share how can I deal with someone who is so controlling and just finds ways to create problem for me .

Thanks 

[Kyle1]

get out of there... @Humbleempath 

If you are indeed enmeshed with a narc, quit while you're ahead. You'll already have more than enough to overcome as it is (the trauma bonding, the illusions you invested, logistics, etc.. )

If you are with a narc, it will only get worse.

[scruffypuffball]

@Kyle1 @Humbleempath 

Kyle, I wish I could like this comment 100 times 😂

Humble: can you get out of there, slowly, without her knowing.  If you have kids that makes it hard.  Dr Ramani's rules:

Dont Engage

Dont Defend

Dont Personalise

Dont Explain

Go grey rock (look up what that means).  Trolls on the internet are usually narcs, psychos, they are looking for a response, dont feed them.  Same with relationships with toxic people in real life.  As Sun Tzu said the way to destroy a monster is to starve them.  Narcs dont know the difference between positive or negative attention.  Attention is attention to them.  By responding you are giving them supply.

I was advised by a psych a long time ago to read up on Narcs and Psychopaths to learn the traits so that you recognise them coming from a mile away are never a victim of it again.  Go to Dr Ramani's youtube channel or go and read up on the work of Shahida Arabi or Dr Ross Rosenberg.

"Dont wrestle with a pig, you will get dirty and besides the pig likes it" - George Bernard Shaw.  

ie, that means to win against a narc, you dont play.  (ie you never win against a narc, it is wise to stay the hell away from anyone with narc traits.)  Think of them as lead poisoning and physically remove yourself from that situation.  If you cant do that then limit your interactions with them.  Easier said than done.  Have a look at my history posting on this site, I have some resources I have shared with others.