Crying in front of my son

[Appleblossom]

@hopeandsupport

Re your daughter, the problem could be the other person in the group too. Conflict in community is very frequent. Now having been a piano teacher for 25 years and seeing how a huge range of families work, I am more philosophical about the concept of schizophrenia.  it is not just a long, scary and difficult word. I appreciate your comments very much. Gently help your daughter to focus and theory and harmony will gradually make sense as she continues to play.

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @NikNik

Your sugestions are what I was beginning to think needed to happen.

I have called Carers Vic and will work on boundaries with son and self care with them.

I think it was good for me to go full on .. it has helped me see the current state of affairs in mental health from a more general point of view, of self or family. It has helped me get over my computer allergy and associations with ex .. it is just a tool out there and very prevalent in the community.

I will be dropping in less often .. but it is important that people can share their truth .. even though I realise that mine is a very mixed bag.

The "trigger" thing is not completely clear to me yet.  I did call the helpline a week ago and a young girl sugested that mental health is one of my passions and I think that is a very good way of putting it.

[NikNik]

Hi @Appleblossom
It's awesome you're looking after yourself. Triggers can change for people day to day, week to week - or can stay pretty consistent.
One technique to get on top of triggers is to notice when you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious or down and back track to what it might have been that caused that.

If you want to discuss putting boundaries on your use of the Forums, let me know.
Wishing you all the best.

[Appleblossom]

 Because of the prolapses in my neck discs I had to be patient at working out all those physical triggers.

The good outcome is that I am fairly clear now about a lot of life issues. My trust has been seriously damaged.  Isolation is not severe for me because I enjoy teaching, though I cannot share about these other major parts of my life. I guess that is one boundary I do understand. But I have not really been able to find a good friend and I have really tried .. so am making do with more casual contacts. This forum was good as I could just be free to be me.

[Troubled_One]

I am relating to this as well at the moment @appleblossum i am living at my fathers and too as well feel vulnerable and like i am being manipulated like anything i do is not good enough.
I look for ways to get away from it but all that happens is the same thing i can not seem to get away from it its like my father knows what i am doing and shuts that out.

I hope we can both get through this 😄

[Appleblossom]

It is also hard as I do not want to manipulate anybody but my feelings show up intensely and out of control if I dont give them enough validity in day to day life.

We do influence each other .. its just hard to work out how .. I try and make it for the good ..

I talked to my son a while ago about not wanting him to know how bad I was feeling and him knowing anyway.

[Troubled_One]

Yeah.

Its tough. Especially when there is not much good going on in our lives to out weigh the bad. I do not want to manipulate anyone else either and feel like if I do I am too good a person to let that slide.

... I am the same with my feelings etc if I do not let them in I find I panic at some stage, but its hard when to know when to let them in.

I find people knowing what I do is kind of making me vulnerable in a negative way though. Like I have betrayed my own self or that person has betrayed me, if I choose to not let them know but feel I did.

It can get quite confusing.

[Appleblossom]

Yep .. thanks @Troubled_One to some extent I accept that is the way til the end. Its confusing but we have no option but to keep working things out once we are out of the womb.

How do we care?

Some people have assumed that because I can be in my head or go into coping and capable that I dont have feelings .. but of course I do .. I guess it is about the body heart and mind being aligned.

[Troubled_One]

Really nice post, i think you restored my faith in humanity.
..yeah coping is hard. I am getting so confused at my fathers. Its like a battled of wits till the end. I am the good one he is evil, and he will do anything in his power to stop me from doing what i am doing. I try not take it personal but damn it just kills me. All i have been doing in the last week or so is escaping from him by leaving the house, what i dont know wont hurt me, and it works, but as soon as i go back there the hell starts again.
Like you said my feelings and everything internalise and the problems start. All i can do is talk to him that is my only way of fixing things.

[Appleblossom]

We cant take responsibility for our parents .. they have to face up to their anger and frustrations and disappointments and the GOOD moments.

Each generation have their own lives to lead .. and challenges

But we can try not to get onto a toxic see saw.

I am very wary of all dualistic thinking .. of good and evil ...(and yes and no ... in my thread about boundaries).

I do think human beings are a bit like plants and tend to seek out the light but also grow in the dirt.

I see paradox everywhere.

 I would aceept my son leaving home or staying .. whatever is best for us .. may not be the same for you @Troubled_One and your dad.

If you can cope on your own and manage bills and house stuff then maybe it is better .. i dont have fixed ideas .. a bit of distance can be good and in human life cycle there are different pressures at different times.