Riding a wave

[Catcakes]

Also scratching my head @Phoenix_Rising
🤔

[Former-Member]

Floating with you @Phoenix_Rising 🙂 I have just had some lunch & had to wait half an hour before swimming, but I am here

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Catcakes thank you for being out on the ocean today. 

@Former-Member That was very responsible of you to wait half an hour for your lunch to go down, before heading out on the ocean. Of course, I can eat perfectly fine out on the ocean because, well, I'm a sea turtle

While I was waiting, I distracted myself by responding to posts on the DBT thread. Good job me. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

I saw TTT this morning. I am so so SO grateful for her. I'm not sure that I will ever stop being so super grateful that she is in my world. I feel so super safe when I'm with her. 

I was in super gigantic crisis because of the whole being banned from calling the HC thing. What that actually looked like was a lot of self-harming in that way that is more common to ASD than to BPD, a lot of me rolling around on the floor and a lot of me making weird noises very loudly. 

But TTT rode it all out with me, with her super calm voice. She doesn't just maintain a calm voice, but she actually gets quieter, the more chaotic I am. So today, by the time the big feelings settled, she was whispering the "in and out" super super super quietly. 

We talked about how it's just her and me now and we are going to work through the enormous muddle together. We talked about how it is going to take a super long time, but that's ok. I feel so sad. My muddle has got so much more muddled in the past few months. I know TTT can help me unmuddle it, but realistically, it is going to take such a long time, the chances of me ever being in employment and off welfare are extremely remote. It feels so cruel that my muddle could get so much more muddled, when it was already super muddled. 

TTT was impressed with the creations I made out of her squiggles. @Catcakes @Former-Member @CheerBear would you like me to show you some of TTT's squiggles and what I create out of them? I have nine left to do. I might show you...if you super promise not to laugh at my amazing lack of drawing ability. And no, I don't turn them upside down to reveal the picture - I struggle enough to draw up the right way!  But then, as I said the other day, I'm pretty sure Mr Squiggle got easier squiggles than TTT does. Maybe I should post the squiggle and you guys can offer suggestions of what I can do with it? 

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hey @Former-Member,

What floatie are you on today, out here on the ocean? I feel like I'm all by myself in Forum Land right now but I know you can't be far away. 

[Former-Member]

This one!!! My new one 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I worry about you a bit lying on a cactus. I super hope you don't get any prickles in any undesirable places. 😆

[Catcakes]

@Phoenix_Rising,
Great that your session with TTT was suited to your needs. I personally would love to see what you have created from the squiggles. Don’t worry too much about the upside down thing, that was more about reliving childhood memories.
When my kids were little and I had to entertain them quietly somewhere, I often used to play drawing games. I always had old envelopes in my handbag and a stash of pens.
Some of my kids still love to draw. 🌿

[Former-Member]

Hey there swimmers and floatation device users. 

Traipsed on over to the ocean to have a relax in my fairly new 

. @Phoenix_Rising I too am superly interested in TTT's squiggles and also what you do with them, if that is on the sharing menu, but I totally understand if you decide it's not okay too. Drawing is soo not something I'm good at, I sooo wish I was, but my imagination is much better than what comes out onto paper. 

You know, Phoenix_Rising, maybe the goals society sets for people to be acceptable and stuff aren't the best goals to be comparing the life of a little turtle to.

My life changed so greatly that I will never be able to be employed again. It might be that the timing of the life changes is different for turtles and sunshowers.

That doesn't mean either of us (or anyone else in the same boat, or even in their own separate floatie) are lesser than those who can still work in paid employment. We are different, and that is acceptable. We show others that there are differences that need to be explored, and perhaps in the doing of that, there will be growth  for everyone who comes into contact with us. 

Your dedication to the DBT thread provides a wealth of assistance to those who read it, some respond and you get an idea of who your work has touched, and then there are those you won't even know that you touch with your wisdoms and insightfulness. In my mind it is a worthy thing you are doing, more, much more than some of those in paid employement to whom I think you might be comparing yourself, are able to do. 

*sets down a couple of plates of hot, buttery, garlic bread fresh from the oven* shoos the seagulls .... 

[Former-Member]

HAHA me too @Phoenix_Rising