Riding a wave

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear I think the wrongness of the wrong has beaten me. After seeing a glimmer of hope yesterday, I got further smashed by an email bus this evening. It's too big CheerBear. This mess is just too big. It is too big and my support network is too small. TTT is amazing, but the mess is growing at a rate faster than I can even tell TTT about, much less get her to help me with it. I am in my lizard brain and I don't have anyone to talk to, to help me get out of it. I don't matter CheerBear. There are 7.5 billion people on this planet, we are not an endangered species. You matter so so so much to your LF. I don't matter like that to anyone. I am a waste of time and resources. I burn MH professionals out such that then they can't help those who are helpable. It makes sense to sacrifice one for the collective good of the many. I am the one. It is what it is...and it's ok.

[CheerBear]

I am here with you @Phoenix_Rising. You are the only you in 7.5 billion and you matter, you really truly do. And I know it doesn't seem like you do and I am sorry that it doesn't.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I wish you were here here @CheerBear. I so wish I could truly hear a human voice right now.

[Phoenix_Rising]

I don't matter @CheerBear. I destroy everyone who comes near me.

[Catcakes]

You matter to me @Phoenix_Rising
You matter a lot
I like you a lot
And I’m sure I would like you in real life as well as in ForumLand 🌿

[Shaz51]

I am here too @Phoenix_Rising 

[CheerBear]

😞 I am with you @Phoenix_Rising as here as I can be. I wish things were not this way.

[Former-Member]

You also have a very bus-squished bookish in your corner, @Phoenix_Rising.

[Phoenix_Rising]

That's what everyone thinks @Catcakes. They think that somehow they will be different. So they walk in and then they get to know me and then they walk out again causing a whole new layer of trauma. No matter how carefully I try to explain the issue, everyone always thinks they will be different. And after repeating this cycle oh so many times over the past 22 years, I think the wrongness of the wrong is the one that has finally beaten me. 😔😔😔

[Phoenix_Rising]

The wrongness of the wrong has decimated everything; my sense of purpose, my sense of belonging, and now the source of support that kept me alive all of last year. I have nothing.