on August the 13th, I tried to take my life. I ended up unconscious, on the blink of death and NOTHING like myself... I was totally unrecognisable. Once I awoke I found myself pulling out my canola, feeding tubes and constantly trying to run away, attacking security guards despite being desperately ill and needing medical attention. I wasn't myself. I got transported 2 hours away from my home and eventually was put into a mental ward before I collapsed and had to go back to medical... until I was then transported somewhere closer to where I live into another mental ward at which I stayed for a month.
It was so unlike myself to be so violent but I found myself unwanting of life.. and feeling as though someone else deserved the hospital bed.. someone who wanted to live.. and so I ran away 3 times.. even though I ran past a security guard and specialty nurse which I had 24/7. Other times I would attempt to run away, become aggressive and agitated.. and have to be held down... tackled and had to have constant needles to simply calm down. I was intensely medicated and again, this wasn't me. I look back in total shame and disgrace. It was the worst.
That is where I have been. Now I am suddenly on medications again and have to see someone 3-4 times a week. It's all totally overwhelming and I still find myself having the thoughts I had over a month ago.
@CheerBear @MDT @Former-Member
@outlander @Queenie @Maggie @Phoenix_Rising @Owlunar @soul @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7and everyone else. Thank-you for caring
💕💜 glad to be back
