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Yes it is hard to watch someone we love suffer.
@Former-Member From what I gather making waves with your siblings would not have helped and only stressed you more. When people put their blocks and defenses up, even when it seems immature, it is wiser to collect your private inner and outer resources and do what you have done. Sad as it seems ... quietly make the best of your own life.
My mother wanted to go into an aged care home. She told me 8 years or so before she was ready to go, when we were doing a concert in one. Each person has their own challenges and difficulty.
Thanks Beautiful souls🌷
@Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @outlander @Appleblossom ... I never intended to cause ripples or 'waves'' when I went and helped my parents, at such a critical time. Why would you think I did? Their angst twd me has been there a long time.
Think they wrongly percieved my presence as taking some 'control' from them. But, I honestly had hoped to 'be a family again' with all of them, in a positive way... I've grown so much since 2011 breakdown. I had hoped to prove that to them if they bothered to just come see me. But stubbornness +
I keep forgetting that most people don't believe in MH recovery, prefering to leave us in that 'mad' box so they don't have to bother doing anything.
Speaking of which - did I tell you mum's bed sheets werent changed between my visits? Dad's room had mold and dog shit & wee all under the bed. They didn't help, or care about mum and dad enough to DO ANYTHING, to 'act' and so I kept coming back, to help, in spite of the emotional abuse. I honestly did NOT do anything to deserve their extent of bastardly treatment. Mainly from the two ''middle sibs" (perhaps a late-onset Middle Child Syndrome thing... who knows). I've had to quietly exit because i myself was dying on the inside there.
Dad has noticed i visit less, and commented. A no-win situation. I think he's disappointed in me too. Hes cranky iiput him there in the nursing home. If I die today, he wouldn't even comprehend it, because all his thoughts are hinged on past events that he can't articulate, only feel.
I let everyone down.
You know, it feels like its my time to die too,
God why am I still here ????
Thanks F&H, and Appleblossom. Its nice to have pictures again.
I'm really battling today. Haven't even had my first cup of tea yet and that's saying something, all I done is let the dog out with her brekky,, peed, put kettle on and went back to bed. Very teary today. Saw new DR here yesterday. Filling out those 'history' forms and NOK etc really depressed me, I don't even mention my son, I just write a fake person there now, or this time it was a new church acquaintance I met last Sunday, cause I happen to have their number. Very sad. The dr asked "what are you doing to lose weight?" and of cause anything I say is obviously not working. At least the scales weighed a loss.. My BP was up too, so I was lectured about how being a "social smoker" isn't a ''non-smoker" drr! And I forgot to take my medical notes and was late cause had trouble finding the place and walking on these painful leg...
Nope, today's a shit day!
Betta go have a drink and brekky pills somehow. I can do this. 💕 Ican do this.... but, does it really matter if I don't ?
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