Motion - new pathways - air -sea -land -us

[StanD]

Oh Gosh motion,

I appreciate you offering your perspectives. I can see you have taken the time to observe, reflect, & respond to your best knowledge & abilities. I'm impressed & grateful.

Not to mention, you are busy & overwhelmed in your life. I can resonate with the raw outpourings.

I feel refreshed.

You have explained so much to me, lots for me to digest & ponder on.

I think you are coming from a place of high stress. You remain calm & balanced. Yes I completely agree about an underlying tension

Upon reading your exposition - I am able to take a step back from myself, & consider that I was lashing out from a place of hurt. My opinions remain. My words, were coming from a place where I was emotional. It happens. If I could re-word my opinions from a place of calm, they could have been more forgiving & gentle.

Then again, there are moments in life where it's fine & healthy to use the naughty F U :middle_finger: - at least that is my perspective. I grew up pretty rough. I am a decent, refined, polite, respectful person - despite my circumstances. It's not beneath me to swear & be rude if the situation calls for it. And unfortunately, there are situations in life, where we need to speak crassly - as this is the only language a 'bully' may understand. 

I could be wrong. This is what my life experience has taught me.

You wrote 

"If something is not working do we look to blame someone else because our needs are not being met?"

This is an interesting question. 

My answer would be this - No, we are not looking to 'blame.' We are looking to rectify, & ultimately support,... solidarity.

The 'blame' is an expression of hurt that our needs are chasms easily hidden behind billboards selling the latest softdrink.

I think maybe @Appleblossom touched on it with the term 'societal pathologies '

I don't mean to 'harp' on this - & from my interpretation, I am not necessarily supported in this view. Personally, to me, whether the author is male or female, 'lighthearted' jokes about female body size, commentary that is sexual in nature about females (or males) is inapropriate for a public forum like this. 

They is nothing wrong with expressing sexuality. I encourage members to do so, only if they feel comfortable & safe. It is a natural part of life, somehow mislabeled as taboo subject.

What I don't like, & my personal opinion of what makes me feel unsafe - is if a member discusses another person in this way. (Whether they be a member on SANE, or a real life acquaintance)

It has nothing to do with political correctness.

In the privacy of my own home - I might laugh & love being anti PC.

Or turn the TV off.

I agree, we don't know the story of the other person. I am going to try & be more mindful of that going forward.

For future reference: I can come across as brazen. It's the streets I grew up on. I am not a harsh person AT ALL.

It makes me sad to think I might have hurt persons feelings unknowingly. 

I do try to be mindful of this in real life too.

It's a funny balance of the survivor. Protect myself & let myself.

To be honest @Former-Member I'm not sure I've been disrespectful one day of my life.

Again, I could be completely wrong about this.

My hope going forward for this story ... 

A Happy Ending

..of course😊 (I am blushing btw)

I will do my best to respectfully disagree in future, unless the situation calls for more.

I hope we can all try to accept one another for who we are. Life is too short for hostility, tension, feeling unsure.

Whatever happens going forward, whoever chooses to stick around or new people coming forward. I'm gonna be floating around here. Dew on morning grass. Stop for a second, look, and you will see me.

@Former-Member 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Former-Member thanks for writing I hope people can have a way to seek help from moderators or peer workers when they need help here ...I'm a little fuzzy how to do so or who to tag. Haven't had much luck in the past beyond the private emails to sane if distressed or feeling not ok with something going on here.

I think it's ok to speak up if ur bothered on the thread and I agree kindness is sometimes like a weakness but we need to make it safe for people to be themselves. And be vulnerable. Just my opinion.

[tyme]

Hey @EternalFlower ,

Good to hear your feedback. Any thoughts about how people can reach out to moderators or peer workers?

I’m really interested to hear your thoughts.

[LeChuck]

@Former-Member you are pretty great and you organise your thoughts beautifully.

I don't think care and support are any less precious for being given just when one can. We are all trying to keep ourselves afloat, and if we can spare a minute to lift up our fellows who are also trying to keep their heads above water, I think that is a worthwhile endeavour. We're all on our own journeys and the support everyone has given each other when they can spare it (and sometimes when they can't) gives me hope and joy.

Perhaps it's time we had some whimsy back in this thread. We started with the intricacies and joys of transport. Maybe we could talk about our perfect place (if such a thing exists).

When I am struggling with people, I think I would like to live on a mountain.

Sustaining myself by growing things and caring for things, but having a crate of baked beans and rum dropped off down the road once a month for those can't be bothered days. Never see a soul, just pick it up from down the drop off point. I'd have a well, a dairy goat, and I would be excellent at making mozarella. I'd have a crack at growing lentils and sorghum. Fish in the stream. Sleep in a cabin I built. 

All this is a daydream. But it's one of my favourites.

@tonys It sounds like you have found a place a little like this.

@EternalFlower @StanD @Appleblossom @tyme

Where would your perfect place be?

[tyme]

I'm not sure what my perfect place would be @LeChuck .

It would have to have water. Warm with a cool breeze.

That's all I can think of right now 🙂 I don't want to be alone, nor do I want too many people.

[tyme]

Hi @Former-Member ,

I really appreciate your honesty through your post. Yes, those using the forums come from all walks of life with differing experiences, personalities, etc.

And yes, I agree RESPECT is key, hence being one of our guidelines.

At any point, if you feel something is disrespectful, you can flag it for moderators to monitor and follow-up, or you can email us directly at team@saneforums.org

Cheers, tyme

[LeChuck]

@tyme perhaps a tiny island off greece, with a very small friendly town and a villa by the sea for you...

[tonys]

@Appleblossom   @Former-Member   @Thyme  ..

Thankyou for all your responses,  and may I say I hope you are all in good spirits.  

We  re read the post that was in question.   It was full of as much sunshine and good will as we could pack into it.  No personal attacks. Just well intentioned support.

 It was sent to a person I had strongly but politely advised on numerous occasions not to read my brand of sunshine  humour or stories about how I found a bit of happiness. I tagged all of you so that you could help this person rather than me.

We can try to hide abusive words with numbers and symbols.  Thats fine.   But when they are directed straight at me in a personal way.   Thats abuse.   To make personal assumptions about a my relationship with my friend,  with whom I share light hearted banter and a lot of love, and caring  well thats a "personal"  Kick in the teeth when I stuck my neck out to help. '

The fact that I   'very clearly'   stated that I LOVE  the way my friend looks was deliberately overlooked and twisted into something entirely the opposite to the friendly way it was sent.

Re  @Former-Member I agree.  I don't want to walk on egg shells either.  I want to be in a place where I am free to paint pictures with a heathy mix of laughter joy . . .  and sorrow.  grey with a bigger splash of yellow. 

And with adults who can be 'selective'  in there reading and a little tolerant.   If the post I received had been sent to a moderator instead,  we would all be enjoying ourselves. 

I love a difference of  opinion,  and a respectful debate on the forums.  Minus a personally directed attack.  I wonder just how many people have left quietly because of this.

Moderators can see the 'flavour'  of a letter and soon tell if its malicious,  A mistake,  or someone hard at work doing the best they know how to help. So there should  never ever   be a need for personally directed anger.    

We are all the products of floods,  droughts,  fires,  pointing fingers, and orphanages. I was a big kid too . . 

A little sunshine please.

We are imperfect.    we won't find perfection in each other,  and its so easy to pounce on someone if you looking too.    If I am in the way of someone   'seeking attention',  or they  feel I'm steeling there oxygen then please.  direct it to the bosses at sane.

Thankyou so much,  for your time.   Thanks to @Appleblossom.   skating on thin ice. I respect and thoroughly enjoy the way you do it, tough gig mate,  I love skating with you now and then but your just too quick for me and I'm old too.        I hope things brighten up a bit for you @Former-Member  and thankyou for the hard work you put into your letters.  I always like to read your column 

@tyme Thankyou for your comfort.   you are a sweet person.

@EternalFlower  I never stop thinking about you.  every time I want to be a winger,  I just think about how hard you fight. Im proud of you. 

Going down to the river.   pop a cork.  and who know just how good tomorrow may be.

tonys    m b  1  

[tyme]

oooooo! @LeChuck . That's sounds pleasant. Can I ask, why Greece? Because if they only speak Greek, I'll have an issue. LOL

[LeChuck]

Haha @tyme the water is very blue, and the breezes warm. AND I love the food....