Trying makes it worse

[maddison]

Thanks @Former-Member it's kind of you to reach out.

I had not considered the services you mentioned. Might be good - even if only for a chat.

I am safe. It's the dramatic mood swings that scare me. I explained all this to triage. I think it's reasonable reaction for me to feel unsafe when other person is unstable & withdrawing from drugs. Even if they are not usually a violent person.

Thanks again xx

[EternalFlower]

Honestly no judgements @maddison @TAB 

It's literally so hard for ppl to find safe housing, I know a lot about that as well and have not left and been dependent on ppl re housing.

No judgements

Paid to appear is very apt. Once sectioned I was offered calls every day x2. And home visits x3. Then....sorry....it's gf weekend. Got one 3 minute call where she basically put words in my mouth to get me to say I'm fine and don't need the service. Wasn't fine. Needed service.

It sounds like uve done a lot of proactive steps and they didn't help. Keep trying is my humble opinion. Shitty system at times.

Hi everyone @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Appleblossom @TAB 

[TAB]

@Shaz51 😎

[TAB]

that's terrible @EternalFlower 

[maddison]

Thanks @EternalFlower 

It's a crazy system 4 sure.

Do you have any plans today? I finished a new art drawing scene with aurora Borealis. I put some stars to make it more magical.

Considering getting out doors. Might be a chore tho!! Yay it is not raining today. Xx

[maddison]

Thanks for saying I had taken lots of proactive steps @EternalFlower I feel like you get me & my situation. I also appreciate the encouragement to keep going. You are right. One bad reaction today doesn't equal no good reactions ever. It's deflating. The lack of professionalism was stunning. And as you mentioned, you have encountered similar reactions previously. Overall, the health system in my experience, has been has been hugely supportive, given circumstances. One bad apple can have such a negative impact & make us feel so neglected. Encouragement was what I needed & reminding of overall picture. Thankyou.

Are you coping ok? I hope things for you are not too bad. I'm here if you want to chat. It helps me escape the drama here! If not, that's fine too. Thanks for your support & no judgement. I mean, we all do judge, subconsciously even. I think we can get better at unlearning it. Lots of things our minds have been brainwashed to believe, or things we haven't been exposed to before that frighten us, judging one another is natural human reaction. Maybe even innate - as part of our making sense of the world & what is safe & whatnot. 

I think I'm rambling!!

Thanks for being here for me. 

[EternalFlower]

Thanks @TAB @Shaz51 @maddison 

@maddison That's sad and upsetting they were unprofessional. Yep, definitely seen this as well in my own experience being sectioned. It's ok to call it out, otherwise we'd go batty!!! Sometimes it's very shocking. I'm sorry u had to deal with that.

Sometimes what has shocked me is the inattention, the lack of follow up. Its lkke either 100 percent and they have police and threats, or 0, where they dont bother to check in as promised. Both hurt imo. I hope I don't sound too negative, I also remind myself a lot the next encounter might be positive. Sometimes it's just one bad experience or worker. 

I dont know if it makes u feel better re hm but im truly glad i was sectioned and grateful for it. If its needed its needed.

I've been doing laundry now the sun is up ☀ and I bought a book today, a new collection of stories and poems about mental health by Australian celebrities and writers. I am excited to read it and hoping to get some new insights! 

Ur paints sound pretty. 

Today I am coming home to a clean apartment and I'm blown away that all the mess has been moved. Over last few days I have stress cleaned! 

I'm not coping so well this weekend but I have kept to my safety plan. I made one @ parc. its funny, it includes my favourite shows, my favourite places (bookstore!) And reminds me I can enjoy and seek refuge in these spaces. 

@TAB thanks for saying that re sectioning. I was really touched and helped me. I'm sorry about Ur awful house mate, that shouldn't have happened, and sounds so awful. These ppl take a lot and never repay, and we pick up the pieces. Thank u for sharing.

[TAB]

Well they passed 9 years ago now @EternalFlower  I had little to do with them the last 18mths or so of their life.

[EternalFlower]

Sounds like they tool a lot and then u got away from them...still a hard experience. @TAB 

Just hear rain again .,,we had just so short sunny day here.

I think a lot about a female friend I had who would say nasty things behind my backhand try and interfere in all my problems, sending me to therapists and telling me to take this or that medication because she was a nurse. She was very abusive and needed attention and affirmation. When I had a suicide atm. she told me I triggered her and she didn't speak to me for one month while I was in hospital.

She took and took and took

[maddison]

Hey @EternalFlower yes, he wouldn't even need to be sectioned - he has offered to go voluntarily (I mean it's possible he will change his mind)

The triage were so horrible they made up lies to my face. In reality they didn't want to do work & were totally disinterested (I can hardly believe I'm writing this - but it's true) Things being as  fragile as they are at e moment - I believe my hm picked up on their uncaring vibes & then he became agitated & uncaring & directed his anger at me.

The whole thing was quite outrageous. He knows he's having difficult coping. The last thing he would ever want to do is hurt me. Physically or emotionally. But what can we do? Triage won't help, police refer to triage. CM is wonderful but idk what she will do?? Apparently she was absent b4 weekend for 2 days. I was unaware. She may not have even been notified of everything that's happened since last Wednesday i.e police etc. 

It was all these issues that lead things escalating soooo badly.

I could scream.

Oh dear.... Totally am just realising I did a huge trauma dump on you (lol....do ppl ever use the expression like that?!)

Sorry, I am fine - for now. 

I must look up these authors you are mentioning. Those books sound very interesting. 

I'm also liking your safety plan / care plan. Really proud you were able to refer to it & work out next step. 😊 I think it would be such a great idea for me (or anyone) to have plans of how to deal with crisis. I'm sure I eventually stumble my way to safe place in the end of- having specific instructions for myself could make things way less overwhelming for my brain. 

It really makes me feel good & completely supports my suspicions when you say that being sectioned was a good thing for you. (& Bad - I think I understand in a way) I completely get that it is a horrible traumatic experience. I can recognise too, in my friend, when he is losing  capabilites to make smart decisions for himself. I think if another person can make that decision for you, it can be securing. It is an awfully complex subject & one I never take lightly. I feel it is equally traumatizing for us in the past if I have had to make that call. The heart breaking part this time is that he is actually volunteering (for now) that is soooo huge for him. He rarely, if ever has the insight that he needs help.

I'm going to keep trying @EternalFlower . Your words have given me the extra fight I needed. 

We have to support each other (him, you, me, apple, tab, SANE etc) The rest of the world can be a mysterious place🤔

I have hungry animals I best feed... Might check in later..🐈🐈🐈🐈