Trying makes it worse

[maddison]

Hope you are ok @EternalFlower 

Thanks for saying hello. I appreciate you mentioning tension in the thread. I am so sorry that my actions upset you.

I am still having lots of trouble coping, I won't write too much because I don't want to say the wrong thing & cause anyone to feel upset.

I will do my best in the future to keep things tension free here.

You are right, this is a safe space for everyone & that is what is most important.

Sorry again.

That sounds horrible about the boys in hospital. I would be uncomfortable as well. Very good that you can eat your food away from them.

7am is early start! Wow. Good that you could express what works best for you.

I hope you are being listened to & getting the help & support you need at this time.

Thankyou for supporting me xx

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison sorry I wasn't clear but my post was supportive and that I wanted U to feel safe and that im here and with you even in tension ... Not to judge at all. No words or urs upset me and any tense posts were deleted prior to me logging in, so I just wanted to break the ice      

It's ok to write whatever U need and ur words certainly and completely did not upset me

Hope ur ok @maddison 

[maddison]

Ooh right @EternalFlower thankyou for clarifying.

I'm probably uber sensitive at the moment & interpreting things from an uncertain space.

I did get the ice- breaker & I'm thankful - we need an ice breaker! ... Channel change...!

My head is all over the place rn. Recalling a dream I had last night now... I was in the psych ward! My dreams have been super intense the last 2 nights.

Thanks for being with me through the tense times & encouraging me that it is ok to write whatever I want - I don't believe it's true, part of me does - I have lost so much hope lately that I don't know what I'm allowed to say anymore. 

I hope that's coming across right. I believe in your kindness - & I want to believe it's true. 

Hope I'm ok too.

Hope your ok & know I'm supporting you & with you - even if I'm not quite with myself rn.

[maddison]

Oh, one last thing b4 I go to bed @EternalFlower in my earlier post I said 'i hope ur being listened to& getting support' etc.

I really did mean that from my heart 

I'm thinking now- that given my/our observations about unfortunate gaps in the system - that might have been open to interpretation.

Or it might have come across wrong.

From my experience, I know that it is unlikely that any patient is getting all the care they need, in a system that is broken (& this is becoming more apparent to me by the day )

A better way of saying it would have been ,

I hope you are getting more support & being listened to, than we are currently experiencing. xx 

Pls ignore me if I say anything unusual, like that - internet chat is hard & my head is 'speaking simply.' 🤯

⭐💤☮️🤞

[maddison]

There is honestly so much weirdness going on here with triage/treatment team that I don't know how to explain it.

My mind keeps coming up with all these possible reasons as to why things are happening like they are, but I can't come up with a good explanation.

It's really confusing me.

[Historylover]

Lucky you @Appleblossom. Looking forward to hearing about what you've been doing when you return. I've been keeping a low profile to sort a few things out. I hope your break away has been beneficial. Cheers for now.

[EternalFlower]

Hey @maddison thank U, ur message was sweet and caring 

Things have been drastic here 

Hello @Historylover @Appleblossom 

I don't know how to write it without triggers, @@moderator? @Former-Member its ok to edit me

I saw my dr today and he said asshole things to me, after which I found a way to access a way to sh and did so

[Appleblossom]

I am back. @EternalFlower  @Historylover   

Just checking in cos I need an early night.  It was worth it. 

Thanks for good will. It matters to me.

Eternal Flower Sorry you are in hospital, but good you have managed some boundaries re areas and patients to avoid.  Hmmmm re disturbances over silly admiin stuff.  Self care Self care if they are not stepping up to the plate.

@maddison  I am also sad for your housemate and you.  I thought you were sensitive and very articulate explaining the situations.  I could strongly resonate with things I have been through as a carer.

To be descxribed as psychotic and polite may indicate self protection and distancing from services.... maybe because he has been let down. I believe there should be more onus on services to develop rapport and trust when formulating a "prescription" for recovery not for meds .... CONTINUATION in care ... is necessary ... and "normal" in other health procedures.

[maddison]

@EternalFlower I'm here if you want to chat ok?

I'm changing my notifications as soon as I finish typing to you. I don't have emails turned on.

If I can work out how to get push notifications from email that would be good too.

I read somewhere that emails are much quicker to notify. I don't if that is true.

Ass hat psych. I am with you.

I have been on the phone for an hour with trauma counsellor. Helping me through issues here at home. They were so shocked when I told them what had been happening with mental heath team/ triage...I thought I was going crazy with things I've witnessed in the past week with treatment teams. Turns out I'm sane... Completely sane... Is it worse or better when one realises this?

Your psych can go & g* f*

Please be safe. I have sh before too... Very long time ago xx 

Going to see if I can change notifications now.

Message me.

Is the food bad in there? My friend said the food was no good! They would do lots of UberEats.

xx

[maddison]

There are products you can buy called Kaiko Spikey. Specifically designed to help people who sh. & relieve anxiety. I have been wanting to buy one for ages. I looked at them again last week. They cause pain without any damage & used in different ways to give the sensation required.

I'm unsure if this post is ok - safe. Please @moderator delete if innapropiate.