I really like the way you want to "feel your feelings".

Sometimes we need time out for that.  Mourning can also have a nostalgic aspect.

I was so used to my dad being dead, that it wasnt until later that I realised 45 was very young for a man to die.  So I deliberately started digging up information.

Now I understand his story it has put his diagnosis of schizophrenia in a different light .. from the child struggling to understand difficult concepts... and without guidance.

It has also had tremendous importance for my understanding of the genetic heritability of mental illness.

Good Luck on your journey .. regardless of your decsion .. I really enjoyed the quality of your presence on the forum.

Heres a pic I posted elsewhere .. but I am excited about being in touch with my visual side .. lol

Cheers