How do you enforce boundaries?

[ivana]

Did you have any luck with the Synapse service?

http://synapse.org.au/

http://synapse.org.au/information-services/positive-behaviour-support-techniques.aspx

[NikNik]

Hi @artee

It's really great to read that you have some space to yourself at the moment in house you're looking after.

I'm concerned, as @Sally flagged, for your safety. It's excellent that your sister is aware what's going on. Is she able to assist with your situation? Could she offer a place to stay for you?

You deserve not to live in fear, you deserve to be cared for and loved and above all else, you deserve to be SAFE.

Would you like me to gather some resources and places you can call to explore your options?

Nik

[Appleblossom]

Hi @artee

Hope you are managing.  Try and find some connections in real life.  At the forum, we can only do so much.  I echo the others .. you deserve some safety and quality of life.

[artee]

Thanks for your concern @Appleblossom & @NikNik

I am OK. I work very hard to make friends and to keep friends. Not easy while not staying in one place, which is also why we completely fall through the cracks for help and support. The agencies can't help much when we aren't in one place for more than a week or two.

That is going to change. We have purchased a block of land and will put a house on it in a couple of months. It might still take about five or six months before we can move in. He will be given the choice of joining in the community, getting some care, allowing me respite and behaving himself or going into full time care.

That causes issues with hubby. He is very threatened by the thought of being in the one place (he still insists we must be in hiding). His behaviour around others is very, very different to how he behaves around me, which I find interesting. It means he does know exactly what he's doing and how unaccpetable his behaviours are.

[NikNik]

That's a huge step @artee !

Keep us updated on how you're going 🙂

[STAY_CALM]

Hi @artee,
I empathise with the difficulties that you are experiencing with your husband.
All states and territories provide in home supports as well as day programs for people who need extra supports due to mental illness like ABI and dementia for example.
If you call Queensland Home and Community Care, they will come to your home and assess both your needs and your husband's needs.
They can provide you with breaks by recommending day programs that your husband can attend on a weekly basis and they may also have support groups so that you can get the necessary support for your own health and well being.
Whilst it can seem very daunting to reach out to seek appropriate support, there are excellent supports available for you. Your local community health centre is also a great place to seek supports as they include multi-disciplinary care teams that are accessible and often free or heavily reduced price.
I appreciate that you are trying your best to cope with your husband's care needs on your own, however it is o.k. to give yourself the permission to say that this is a bigger health problem than one person can bear on their own. I am amazed at your resilience to try and do this on your own, however the reality is that there are times when we all need to put our hand up and say I need some help because I cannot do this own my own.
I am a firm believer in having appropriate supports and in surrounding myself with supportive people. ABI requires professional help and learning new skills as a carer.
Whilst I am not a carer of a spouse with ABI, I can relate to your stress, frustration and extreme exhaustion. Hang in there and link ib with either synapse organisation, that another person has mentioned, or call Queensland Home and Community Care and ask for someone to come and assess your hysband's and your needs or go along to your local communitu health centre and they will start putting the necessary professionals to assist you and your husband.

[artee]

@STAY_CALM thanks for your response. It's very detailed and will be very helpful. For now though, we're still itinerant in a caravan. There is no 'home' for anyone to come and assess hubby, and no regular community to put him into programs, or get any care for me either. We don't have a fixed address and spend our time between housesitting and our caravan, often free camping, saving up as much money as possible, so I can have all those things shortly. We will be in a fixed location by Christmas, then I will be contacting everyone, to find out what help I can get and the community we're moving to has already proven to be very supportive and friendly. Even before our house gets to our block, we've made friends with neighbours and been asked to join community groups when we arrive.

[STAY_CALM]

Hi @artee,
I am pleased that you are surrounded by supportive people now and that a permanent home location is not too far away.
Access to home and community care is available even when living in a caravan or house sitting at friends' houses. Whilst coordinated care requirements can be trickier to manage, explaining your current living arrangements, they can organise help for you and your husband over the short term and help make life more manageable until Christmas if you require supports now.
All the best.