Good morning @Former-Member @Determined ......
Its also a way of trying to step up and make sure things are conetrolled in a circumstances where things are looking uncontrolled, and likely to go flying off the rails .... an over-compensation if you like ....
I can’t speak for your situation or your relationship with your darling @Determined ..... I do know that that is one of our major struggles with mr. f&h , and the seat of the personality disorder that is being discussed here .... but at the moment we have two different presentations going on. One is externalised as well as being internalised .... no guesses who that one is ..... the other one has internalised the same disorder, and is unable to get back on their feet owing to the control mechanism in the also-got-it ..... thus we have a vicious cycle and continual derailment.
I expect that the therapists involved with you and your darling have looked at your relationship dynamics. That is why we are seeing a cc at the mo ..... but if not, perhaps you can suggest it, even if it’s just you going to begin with, if everybody feels that your darling is not up to it (yet ?). This is not to point nay fingers ,... just to get help with what will and won’t work under you circumstances. “Our” personality disorder is not BPD ..... and it’s not whether I am right or wrong in what I may or may not be doing .... it becomes about how I can function and still have my self worth validated, without that constantly challenging the pd we are dealing with and making the cycles and dynamics worse.
Thats not to say that that is what is happening though. It’s just something we have to check out .... and perhaps your darling needs to hear from a counsellor what it is that you need, and how you are trying to be the strength of your family in a grace-under-fire role ..... not trying to control her or her choices.
I hope this helps .....
