Lived Experience Forum

[jqw]

This is something i tried that Ive found was SO helpful. 

Just so u have a bit of background and read this post n think easy for her, cause thats me a lot of the time. Have been "diagnosed depending which specialist bi polar, paranoid, major depression,boaderline personality" anyway

Have noticed as I'm getting older my symptons are becoming worse and i guess different to my normal. End of 2013 was involved in a accident, that needed back surgery. I was home stuck in bed with way too much time to think for 4 months. Went from working 50 hrs a week, kids to raise and i was divorced. I Know myself well enough that this could be a real problem for me.Made an effort to read positive blogs etc saw a idea of positive thinking more or less. 

A grateful jar, everyday (or when i remembered!) you are to write 5 things that u are grateful for that day. Could be something simple like watering the garden, your pet facebook etc. I was and do struggle with a positive outlook and generally secretly hate my life wasnt exactly what i planned! Had nothing to lose an was struggling with being stuck at home in pain and struggling with the why me.

2014 was up there with 1 of the worst n tuffest, different as it was all out of my control and nothing I could do. Had a yr off work, and wasn't able to go back to my old job as i could no longer do it. I made an effort to start a grateful jar. Found a coffee jar covered it in wrapping paper i found put it in my bedroom where i would notice it, 

I often struggled with 5 things and tried to kep my eye out for something! I found things like talking online to a old friend on facebook, my gp who didn't know me before the accident and when i opened up didn't blink an eye and looked after me, I did this on and off all year, dated them and didn't read them or even know how many I'd done.

When i got around to it the other day i tipped them all out and read them. To be completely honest what a slap in the face that was. Things i learnt. I do have friends, i might not have many and not see or chat to anyone regularly but yes i do have friends. My life isn't as bad as i think it is, or as my mi tells me. I found out i liked something didn't even realise i was enjoying/grateful doing. Started to look after the yard. Which was watering the lawn. Couldn't really do much more. As i was very slowly getting better. Over the year i mentioned a dozen times how when i had done it i enjoyed it and it took my mind off things.A couple of times was a stranger walking past with a dog saying hello and making small talk. 

2014 sucked but hey i had lots to be grateful for and I'm not as bad as this disease makes me feel. Am keeping the old notes, but have started my new one. 

PS i did this before bed and often i found i was going to sleep a bit easier,the crap from that day wasn't the last thing i was thinking of....

[Rick]

@jqw 

Hi yer J

wow! You've been engaging in positive cognitive behavioural training! 

It's curious is'nt it that at the time we may struggle to see those posistives and to believe in them, well that's nigh impossible. 

But takes those same posistive thoughts and reflect on them some months later and it's a totally kick aint it?

It's the doing which is so hard. And you managed to do so. So strong!

It's the one thing I have come to appreaciate within all of us here in this place, We are so very strong!

Just the effort to breathe takes a level of concentration that "sane" people cannot appreciate. To go beyond breathing and to activlely engage life is an act of supreme courage. 

In this post you have illustrated the positive payback of such courage and strength.

I'd very much like to thankyou for sharing this experience as I've found it to be inspiring.

Good on yer J

Hope clearly and over time endures

Rick

[Baboo]

jqw, What a wonderful post. i think you have come across a good key. "Not thinking of the negatives of the day right before sleeping". perfect

[kristin]

Hi @jqw 

Thanks so much for this post. I agree with @Rick it is very inspiring, and speaks volumes about your courage and strength. You explain the MI struggle with life's minutiae and the search for small pleasures to appreciate so well.

I love the gratitude jar idea. I wonder have you considered sticking all those notes down in a scrapbook?

I am reading Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery at the moment. Parts of it are painfulto read but it is so enlightening (in terms of understanding both my own and others' journeys) that it is worth the grief.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[Former-Member]

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