Need Advice

[INFINITY7]

Seeking advice please..

I am currently stuck in a pretty nasty relationship. No physical abuse but a lot of mental abuse, controlling behaviours, financial control, emotional blackmail etc etc
Over a decade together.

I left once and he proved he could change but it was only for a short time before things returned the same and gradually worse. 

I am aware where we are at. I am aware that nothing is going to change. I am aware its over. Its taken me a long time to accept it but I am here now.
I have a little bit of time up my sleeve to ready myself but not enough that im gonna be able to fix everything.

We have a child so I need to be financial ready.
My problem is I need about 25 grand or I will loose my car that is financed through his business and all the money ive paid on it.
That is where the financial control comes in, I work for the business and it is ensured I never earnt enough to qualify for a loan for myself.
So loan is still not an option.
I dont have any savings yet and will obviously use these next few months to save as much as I can but not that sort of money.
I want to keep my car. 

I worked hard for it regardless of the control. 
I dont have any family so I dont have anyone I can ask for that sort of cash either.

He is not going to allowed me to keep it and continue to pay it. He would rather it be taken. 
Any suggestions????

[TunedIn]

Hi @INFINITY7 and welcome to the forums. 

I can hear you're in a really difficult situation right now where you know you need to leave but are struggling to have the money you need to do so - that's no good 🥀 

I'm very glad that you have found this forum and that you've felt able to post and I do hope that you will feel the support of the community during this time 🌿. 

I did also just want to share another resource that you may not have heard of: Financial Abuse Support Toolkit (from the 1800 Respect website). You may already be aware that they also offer counselling support and I encourage you to reach out if needed. I hope this helps 🌱

TunedIn 🌻

[Ru-bee]

Hi @INFINITY7 

Firstly, I just want to highlight the strength you must have to have reached this point. It's never a situation we think we're going to have to deal with, and it takes real courage and resilience to decide it's time to leave.

The Good Shepard offer no interest loans up to $2000 that can be used for essentials such as a car. It might not completely resolve things but perhaps this could help?

AskIzzy also has a wide range of resources and supports, you can use the tool to check out what's near you and whether there are relevant supports that you can get in touch with

I hope this is helpful. Take care and I hope you can stay connected here if it's helpful during this difficult time

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @INFINITY7 sorry to hear you have been experiencing abuse from your husband. Next Chapter from the Commonwealth Bank offer resources for women no matter who you bank with to establish a fund and leave your abusive partner. So whatever bank you are with it doesnt matter and its a free service to those affected by domestic violence. They offer support to women to find their feet again. Please stay safe as xmas is known as a volatile time for domestic violence. 

[TranquilOne]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this.  I went through similar with my ex husband 15 years ago and it's awful.  I would find a lawyer (try legal aid if you can) and also talk with a domestic violence social worker.  They'll be able to give you some great advice and help to get away.

I'm in WA and mid year they brought DV into the system when equating splitting assets.  If he's held you back with your earning capacity you will receive more in the split.

I kept screen shots of all conversations between us, cards, emails etc which showed his manipulations (most of the evidence was after we broke up).  Find bank statements, proof of any other assets and anything which you think may help.  Get affidavits from people who know about or have witnessed the abuse.  Get counselling from DV services and see if they're able to support you and give evidence in court.

He may choose to pay himself less from the company when you separate so that he pays less in maintenance.  You can let child support know and they can assess him on previous earnings / what his earning capacity is, and he will have to pay that amount.  That way people can't get away with taking low paying jobs to make life harder for the other party.

My case was harder as I waited 8 years to divorce as I needed to be able to afford a lawyer.  When I left him, legal aid wouldn't help with financial separation.  We're still going through financial separation with trial early next year (it'll be 6 years early next year since starting financial separation).  DV now in WA gets processed quickly to make things easier for the abused.

If you're married you have 1 year from divorce to instigate financial separation.  Defacto is different so you'll need to look into it and see what the time frames are in your state to start financial separation.

I hope you're able to get the help you require to come out of this in a good position