Hey @Swirlywhirly and @Worn_out1 ,
I lived in NSW. My mental health was so bad that I spent nearly every second week in hospital. I really really hated living was honestly, death was far more attractive. At that time, I was angry at people around me because I felt that when I was around people, that when things 'went wrong' and the emotional torment started. After about 7 years of struggling, I moved states (on my own) to live in Vic. I thought that maybe moving away from everyone I knew would give me a fresh start.
And it did. Everything was rosy for about 6 months, but then things got from bad to worse. Each day was an emotional nightmare. I'd carried the BPD diagnosis by then and as much as I said I wanted help before, I really wasn't ready to get help.
Now, it was even more emergency department visits. I was then case managed, and was also admitted into a BPD specialist service here in Vic. During that time, I was admitted to PARCs (prevention and recovery centres) as an alternative to inpatient units. It was there where a key worker said, "One day, you will find that you are sick of being sick, then you will reach out".
And that was it.
I 'woke up' and realised that I was the problem, and no one else. I'd run away to live 1000km away from anyone I knew, yet my unhelpful thinking stayed with me.
That was the beginning of a long road through recovery. After hours and hours of intense therapy which I now threw myself into, things began to shift.
Since then, it's been onwards and upwards, and a life I now don't regret at all.
Bottom line? I person must see their own need for them to realise they need help. No one can find help for them, nor make them seek help.
The fact that your husband says he's happy @Swirlywhirly , tells me he's got a long way to go. He might not realise how much he is hurting you until the day you give him space to seriously reflect on things. Bottom line, always look after yourself first. Boundary-setting is the highest priority when being around a borderline.
Borderlines push boundaries to 'test' how much you care about them. I did this so many times to loved ones e.g. I'd ask a loved one to do something, and if they said no, I'd reason in my mind that they didn't care and I'd then hate them to the core. Yet if they even smiled at me one day in the 'right' way, it would win me over and I'd bend over backward for them....
Put it this way, having BPD is like an emotional toddler trapped in an adult's body - expected to behave like an adult, but the emotional child has not known how to grow up.... this explains the meltdowns, the outbursts, the rage, the inability to be reasoned with....
Yet, BPD is 100% treatable. It just takes time and willingness.
