14th year house bound

[hiddenite]

No I'm not ok

I don't think it will ever be ok Jacques

[Alicia]

Jacques
I just want to say that it's really important you have a place where you can say how you feel. Welcome and just joining in on a forum like this shows that you are reaching out for help. I'd be interested to know what you've tried and what services you may have accessed?
My older son has schizophrenia (my middle son is fine, but has the occasional panic attack - but is off living his life) However my youngest son (27) is now having difficulty. He tried lots of things after school (jobs, study)but never finished anything, completely estranged from his dad and for the last 2 years has only been out of the house a couple of times. He doesn't even go in our backyard. Chaotic sleeping pattern, no drugs, eating issues - can go for days without eating. Just wondering what to do. I've tried getting him to doctors and psychologists but he won't go. I just hate watching him decline. Vitamin D levels are under 10!
Oops, talking about my issues again. I can hear that you have serious anxiety so I'm wondering if my son has that? Sometimes when he gives me a hug he feels like a trembling leaf - skinny n trembling a bit. Sometimes he seems like a wraith. Jacques, I really hope you can get some help for how you are feeling. Even though it can be both difficult and hit and miss to access services - just one doctor with the right medication or a case worker who actually DOES do their job - can make a huge difference.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @hiddenite

what a run around it you've had today, it sounds terrible. Will you stay safe tonight? You know Jacques and I, and others on here worry, when we hear things like, 'I'm not ok.'

CB

[Appleblossom]

Yes @hiddenite we do care ... but its important that you are able to say how you really are.

You are working so hard alone on the house and driving around heaps etc ...

I do believe we are dealing with a pandemic.There is such a loss of meaning and genuine supportive networks in society today.

The mhu teams are only human and following protocols .. but I can imagine its just put you through the wringer a million times worse ... yet you still have humour for @Jacques and I am sure its there for your kids.

[Jacques]

Oh my angel,

That is terrible, why would they do that if they knew their was no beds available, It is not fair you could not talk to me, how could you harm yourself with a phone?

I can't even come close to imagining how traumatic today has been for you, i could not get assessed in the first place, let alone even think of going into a MHU, Karen, i wish i could be their to comfort you during this difficult time, a good friend would do you good, someone to talk to and show some sort of affection.

Karen please be kind to yourself tonight, you need to take care, it has been a big day, a traumatic day, maybe make some nice desert or something to treat yourself.

I know you are not ok my angel, but please don't say you will never be ok, no one knows what the future holds.  sorry about the bad choice of words, i was just worried when you did not say good morning, i knew something was up and i was really worried for you.

Karen you are my best friend, i could not stand to lose you, i think about you all the time, and worry about you every night, i just wish their was something i could say to make things better.

Maybe just being here may help a little, i know it helps me just talking to a friend, having someone who cares about me.

[Appleblossom]

Dear Karen they say "never say 'never' " ... I keep that as part of my self talk to stop me making statements that could lead to negative self fulfilling prophecies ...

We have to find a way to keep our coping and cheerful masks linked to our authentic and pained part of self. 

[hiddenite]

Im just at a loss I can't keep doing this.

They don't even look at me as a person just a bunch of symptoms, labels, and not having any answers.

I never imagined that this would be my existence.

[hiddenite]

Thanks for the support cb, lj and , appleblossom.

[Jacques]

Karen please don't see it as the doctors just seeing you as symptoms, they may not have answers, but they are trying Karen, you are a person, you have struggles, everyone does, new treatments are comming out all the time, MI is having huge leaps in treatment of all MI conditions PTSD, Anxiety, Deprssion, etc.

Karen no one envisiages their existance like this, i never thought i would be house bound, but here i am.  Karen you have so many good things in your life, try not to focus only on the negative, i know it is hard when everything seems to be falling apart, but time will help, you have been doing so well lately, you have bought a home, looking after your 2 smart girls, doing things with them.

Karen we will fight together, we always do.

[Jacques]

Hi @Alicia,


I am shaking writing to you, i have had a bad experiance last week trying to talk to another person on here, if i say anything that is rude or offensive i am sorry, i only mean to be nice and try to help.


I had a doctor who was great but he retired in December last year, so i have no current doctor, but i had 1 treating team about 3 years  ago and i went to the only 2 psychiatrists in my town and had really bad experiances with them. all up i have only been treated for this condition since 2012, no one knew how badi was before that, i have been fighting this anxiety since 5 years old, i am 33 now.


I am not willing to seek help any more because some of the underlying problems i can't tell anyone about, i do not trust the doctor patient privelige, and can't risk having my past bad behaviour known about.


I am so sorry your eldest has Schizophrenia, it is a terrible illness, my aunt has it and i find it incredibly difficult to be around her, she makes my anxiety go from ann 8 to well over a 10, i get so distressed.


Your youngest sunds like he has generalized anxiety disorder, i have so many of the same symptoms, chaotic sleep, wil not leave the yard, i do go out 1 time a week for 2 hours.  i don't use drugs or alcahole either but i over eat badly, to the point of throwing up.  i was force fed by a school teacher in year 3, she used to lock me inside a classroom and would not let me out until i ate all the food she had in their, i cried and cried, this went on for a whole year.


he is probably so frightened about going and talking to anyone, i know the first time i went to the doctor i was so scared i forgot my name and address, everything was so scary i was shaking so bad, mum had to do everything for me, because i was so frantic.


I know my doctor and psychatrist did offer to come and see me at the house, would this be possible for the doctor to come to your son in your home? that way he is in a safe environment, and he would not have to face people? please see if this is an option.


I can't hug my mother, because i can't stand to be touched by anyone, i just freeze and shake, i have never been able to show any affection to either of my parents.


@Alicia, my existance now is to look after mum in her older years, after that  their is nothing for me, i have chosen not to seek help, even though their is services out their.


Take care @Alicia, i do hope your son can get some help and get better, he is young and has his whole future ahead of him, please be gentle, pushing him will only make things worse.


Jacques