A long rave

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning everyone ......

I am sorry to see what has happened here @Former-Member, and sorry for how you are feeling.  I will miss you from the short time I have started to get to know you, but I also understand what you are saying.

Some of the members here stick to only one or two threads, and close down notifications from all others, meaning they will only be notified if they are tagged directly, and can even close down that facility (I believe) because it can certainly be overwhelming to read and feel for what others are struggling with.

The reason so many of us are here though, is because we feel connection and support through it all, taking the forums our own way, on our own terms, and I believe you have felt something of that too, but not enough to stabilise how you are feeling right now.

I wish you well, and if you return at any time you will find a place here for you again .....

💜💐💕💜💐💕💜 

[Bunniekins]

@Mazarita the only way I would go to the beach is if I had a burkini! lol! I remember seeing photos of Nigella Lawson wearing one and I thought yes I could wear that. I have body issues like so many of us. It is not about how I look really it is about control or was when I was sick maybe not so much now. We shall see in the coming months as I lose more weight whether I go back to my super skinny days or not ... I hope not ...

Yes well I checked online and my dream was spot on as to how I am feeling at the moment. I agree with you I think dreams hold different messages. Some are dreams about where you are right now and where you should be going whilst others like has happened to me are different ... I get dreams of people who have died and not necessarily people that I have particularly liked that much.

It is like a visit to say they are okay and well now as they always look healthy and happy and talk to me I remember one of them the person had a aura of rainbow colours around his head (he died of brain cancer). Those dreams I find really interesting. Do you have dreams like that?

[eth]

Good morning @Mazarita @Bunniekins @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member @Teej @Former-Member @Former-Member @Shaz51 @outlander  and others who may be here today.  I hope you're all feeling ok today and off to a peaceful start.

Interesting you mention dreams @Bunniekins.  I've had a couple of doozies with people from my past lately - not pleasant ones. 

I mentioned them to my psychologist yesterday and it led to an intense session about an abusive relationship I was in 20odd years ago that still effects me to this day.  By the end of it I felt like I'd been down several rabbit holes and had trouble coming back into present time.  I was so wracked when I left that I didn't get my groceries done - couldn't have faced the crowd or the need to do it quickly because the support worker only had an hour left.

Being gentle with myself this morning and giving myself space to process some of what came up. Including the self-judgment for getting into that type of trauma riddled relationship more than once over the years that is a huge part of the reason I now have complex PTSD.

[eth]

Hello to you too @Appleblossom  Always good to see you and enjoy your posts.   Glad to hear there are some positives in your life.  One of these days we'll be here at the same time 

[Mazarita]

Back again after another little sleep, @Bunniekins. Feeling less tired than usual this morning, which is great. I hope you are able to keep your weight loss within balanced proportions too this time. Such a valuable thing to do but, as we know, bipolar can make us a bit extreme with things if we are not aware. But you sound very aware of this, which is great. I had a little sneak peak on google for dream interpretations for your bird on the shoulder, and also thought, that's a reflection of how gp is feeling at present. It seemed to augur so well too for the future. I don't have dreams like you describe of the deceased, though I do dream of my father from time to time and, though he died in 2003, feel I have an instantaneous mind connection to him whenever I wish it. I've never really felt lonely for him in all that time, though I miss our letter writing relationship. That was one of the best things about our relationship over time. He was a good and funny writer, though he found it very hard to communicate with me about deep things in real life.

@eth, so sorry to hear about the lack of resolution at the end of your psychologist session yesterday and how it prevented you from getting your groceries done. Will bro or sil be able to assist you this week? Gentle with yourself is the way to go today. Good that you are now giving yourself time to process. I have an exercise I do with self blame and guilt, it seems to be helping me a lot. I think I've mentioned it here before. Anytime I become bogged down in guilt, I place my hand gently over my heart and say out loud, 'I forgive you'. It takes repeated applications but is such a nurturing gesture to myself, and comforting, at least in the moment, which may be when it really counts.

Good morning to everyone passing through this discussion thread. Sending good vibes for your day. 

[eth]

Oh dear I should have caught up on posts since I was last here before posting myself.  @Former-Member and @Appleblossom I'm very sorry to see the difficulty that arose yesterday.  I echo what @Mazarita and @Faith-and-Hope have said about taking a break rather than leaving all together.  I also have had a break at times.  I've been around the forums since 2014 and must reassure you @Former-Member that putting your own needs first is necessary for all of us at times, and that misunderstandings and triggers happen sometimes in the forums but are not frequent.  I also limit my involvement these days.  I have my settings set for a weekly digest rather than daily or every time someone comments in a thread I've ever joined.  I am mostly only on one or two threads at a time but will see if anyone tags me at any time.  I'd also be sorry to see you leave.  Most people here (the vast majority) have nothing but good intentions and frequently a person finds someone else with very similar experiences.  I hope you stay and I think we've had a similar relationship experience.  Happy to support you if you ever want to chat with me.

Hi @Mazarita  thanks for your words and your reminder about forgiving gesture.  Often when stirred up I forget to do the things I've learnt to help myself feel better.  Sounds like you're off to a better than average (lately) start today.  Do you have plans?

Oh deary me, yet again I missed another post containing information that makes this post seem ignorant.  @Mazarita just saw your post on the other thread.  I was referring to you feeling more awake this morning, despite having a slow start.  If you're anything like me a day of activity is often followed by a slower day.

[Bunniekins]

@Mazarita well you obviously take after your dad in the letter writing department both you and @eth write so well on this thread puts poor old greenpea to shame ... it is always a pleasure reading your threads.

Listening to Carly Simon 'You're so Vain'!! showing my age lol ... still a great song after all these years 🙂

[eth]

@Bunniekins I enjoy your posts too.  No shame!! We are a wide variety of people here and no two people express themselves the same way.   How is your day going?

@Mazarita previous post edited.  

[Mazarita]

@eth, haven't opened my activity list yet so not sure what I've set myself to do today (memory of what's on there is not great, hence making the list really helps me). But I am going to a poetry night tonight. Looking forward to that as I will be catching up with a new friend there as well. It is great that I'm not feeling too tired this morning. However, I took the psillium in the M formulation this morning and it was all I could do not to bring it all straight back up again. I now feel very bloated and a bit nauseous. Haven't had breakfast yet and really can't eat at the moment because of how the new medication has me feeling. If it's not one thing, it's the other. I think I'm going to find it hard taking this stuff in an ongoing way. Re your addendums to your post, I too often have a slower day after a bigger one, seem to need it to recover after extending myself.

@Bunniekins, there you go, saying nice things again, smooch. But agree with @eth and, besides, I think you communicate very well. I remember hearing 'your so vain' when I was still in my teens. I thought it had the strangest lyrics I'd ever heard (not knowing the Warren Beatty reference). 

[eth]

Sorry to hear about the feelings from taking the M @Mazarita.  Maybe 1/2 the amount you take (ask Dr of course).  There is an orange flavoured one in sachets that might be easier for you to tolerate.

Great about going to poetry tonight.  And being brave enough to meet a new friend.