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31 Mar 2019 08:47 PM
31 Mar 2019 08:50 PM
31 Mar 2019 08:50 PM
❤
02 Apr 2019 02:54 PM
02 Apr 2019 02:54 PM
Thanks @utopia @Zoe7 @BlueBay @Faith-and-Hope
I can let the issues with my brother go - it really isn't my problem and everyone involved is an adult so today as enough bothers of it own without inventing any more
Today is the anniversary of my son going into Juvenile Detention - I looked up the records I have kept in a folder an inch thick - I did so much work in the past - I actually think it was a creative way of dealing with the complex issues surrounding my son but today I feel really bleak
I remember the day he went into Juvenile Detention - a couple of days before the police had him in their custody and wanted me to bring him home until he went into dentention but what was the point of doing that? He would have run off again so I asked them to keep him in the lock-up overnight I think - and rang the next day to see how things were going -
I keep reminding myself I did all I could and more than was really viable for me as my stress levels were so high and maybe it was reading all of that stuff yesterday - I had someone here who is taking a great interest in what happened in the past and there are somethings on the internet but not everything - I have all the hard copies off those times - I was glad enough to share but today I feel exhausted and my back has been bad so I haven't taken the walk I normally would to work it off
It's all a long time ago now - still there are days when I feel the devastation all over again and yet I feel I have more inside me to deal with it - I hope so - I am really tired today - these days come to pass -
As for the therapist at the pain clinic who is supposed to deal with traumatic loss - it's really good I can find my own way out of les miserables - it's nearly four months since I was there last and I haven't heard anything about it - if I needed to hold my breath that would have been really bad
Thanks everyone
Dec
02 Apr 2019 03:10 PM
02 Apr 2019 03:25 PM
02 Apr 2019 03:25 PM
02 Apr 2019 05:22 PM
02 Apr 2019 05:22 PM
Definitely one of those days to just get through today @Owlunar It is okay to remember these dates but not to dwell too much on the what ifs or maybes as you did all that you could do under the circumstances at the time. You seem to have worked through so much and are in a much better place about it all now.
02 Apr 2019 09:01 PM
02 Apr 2019 09:01 PM
Thanks @Zoe7
It has been a tough day and it's nearly over - I went to sleep watching TV and remembered a load of washing I had started but not hung out - it's a pleasant evening
Through those years I made some hard choices and never thought my life as a waste of any kind - in retrospect we live our lives day by day and in later life we can see it all with perspective not present in earlier years
It was my life and definitely worth living - yes - I have hard days - I have survived everyone of them so far - haven't we all
Dec
02 Apr 2019 09:21 PM
02 Apr 2019 09:21 PM
You are right @Owlunar we live our lives day by day and I am learning that is the best way to do it. We are indeed moulded into the who we are now by our past but we cannot let the negative experiences define us. There is no point looking back, having regrets or wishing things had been any different as we cannot change our past. It is learning to live with that past though that we often have difficulty with. You seem to have made more peace with your past in an attempt to move forward and that shows strength. That strength often comes with time and a recognition that we cannot change our past but we can learn from it in going forward.
02 Apr 2019 11:57 PM
03 Apr 2019 04:40 AM
03 Apr 2019 04:40 AM
❤️ @Owlunar
Sending you love and hugs
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