Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Good morning @Battered-Sav  and a very warm welcome to the Sane forums.  I feel deeply honoured to be the first person to help you feel less alone right now.  I feel sure you will find many people here who have much in common with you and who are very willing to discuss their own experiences and things which work for us.  Its really nice to have you here with us here in this safe, friendly and supportive community.  I notice you also posted on the Introduce yourself thread this morning. In that post you mentioned that you have a CPTSD diagnosis and also a little about your story.  I am so terribly sorry for what you have been through.  Words cannot express how I feel about that.  I see you refer to yourself as 'we' in that post. I know it is very common for people with CPTSD to develop Dissociative Identity Disorder, can I ask if you also have a diagnosis of DID as well as the CPTSD?  Only answer if you are comfortable in doing so.  But we have a few other people here with DID and I would be happy to tag them so you can talk to them as well if you'd like.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander  for your messages.  Today being the last day of February .. is anniversary day.  23 years ago ... it has left a lifetime imprint on my mind, my brain, my body, my psyche, my life.  I can never forgive that man for what he did ... never!  So long ... and still no peace. Am I to go to my grave with this continued confusion, bitterness, fear, resentment, lack of closure / understanding?  Why can't I just let it go?

Sherry 😢

[outlander]

Because its not right what he did to you @Former-Member
Big big hugs and much love. Here for you today

[Faith-and-Hope]

Big hugs @Former-Member  .... will be holding you close in my thoughts across the day 💐💐💐💜💕

@Battered-Sav I was ready to ask the same

question re Dissociative Identity Disorder earlier .... and yes, members of our community have DID challenges as a result of

their early life traumas. Everybody is welcome here, and I am so sorry too to hear what you have shared of your story, and very glad you have found the forums to be able to talk about it as much as you feel able to, and want to.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member Some things in our lives are too hard to let go but they also do not define us Hon. You have had this terrible experience and that stays with you forever. You can find ways to get through all these thoughts but the impact will always be with you. I like to believe that such things make us more empathetic and compassionate people but that in no way makes up for what we have been through. You are very much in my thoughts today Hon and I know there really aren't any words that can take away your pain but hoping that having us here to support you makes this day just a little easier to get through.

You are very much cared for, respected and loved here Hon and we are walking right beside you 

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️🌹 @Former-Member 

[outlander]

@Former-Member

[outlander]

just wanting to leave you these @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @outlander .  Can't see anything as yet, but will come back to check a little later. 

[Former-Member]

Pics are lovely tks outlander  .

I dont suppose anyone is around right now? I need to get out of my head. Really bad night. Nightmares so real and wont stop. I need to get out of this crazy head of mine. Need sleep so badly, but afraid now to close my eyes. I'm telling myself I'll be okay, that this will pass, as it always does.  But right now I just dont see it that way.

There was originally more to this post, but it was (rightfully) removed due to being too graphic.  I tried to rewrite it in the terms I was asked, but I cannot.  I may try a take #2 later today if I feel a little better.  Right now ... my head is not in the right space.

For anybody who received an email notification from my thread last night around 4am - my deepest apologies for the graphic content. Clearly I was not thinking. I had just woken for the 2nd time last night from a particularly bad and extremely graphic nightmare. My initial post was an expression of the 'muck' that was still running through my thoughts. All so very real.  My apologies everyone, including overnight moderators. It was very thoughtless of me. 😢

[Zoe7]

Very much thinking about you knowing that you are going through an incredibly tough time right now @Former-Member Those nightmares and thoughts are debilitating Hon. Sending you my love and very much helping to hold you up