Taking the plunge

[Zoe7]

Well you got me when you need @Maggie - as always ...sitting with you and holding your hand - complicated or not - here with you and not going anywhere Hon 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Maggie, also @Zoe7 @Appleblossom @Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear.

So sorry Maggie that you are not coping well at all right now.  But ... not having to go into hospital is a plus I guess. Lets hope that continues.  Any progress on your new home?  Lots of love and hugs to you too my dear.  You're always in my mind and heart.

Sherry  

[Shaz51]

Hugs @Maggie, I am here for you my friend 

[Maggie]

@Former-Member I looked at a flat last Friday, going back this Friday for a second look. If the financial side of things fall into place, I will move there within the next two weeks. It's small, but ok. I will only sign a lease for 3 mths so I can get a feel for how it will work for me and fur baby. Thankyou for your thoughts, you know they are always appreciated. I hope you are okish. I also think of you often. 💜💕💛

@Shaz51 Thankyou  for your post, always good to see you drop by. I read elsewhere, I think, that you are busy and tired. Sending warm thoughts your way.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you for letting us know how it’s going @Maggie ..... I am glad somewhere has popped up for you, and I hope it’s a good fit.

🧡💐💜

[Maggie]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope. I hope you are okish. I read you are a little under the weather 

yourself. Sending lots of this. 💜💕💜💕💜

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you so much for thinking of me @Maggie when you have got so much going on for yourself ...,,

Ours has been rollercoastibg  again, but I hope discussions I had yesterday will have settled it back down.

[Maggie]

I've talked about a broken hear/soul before. It's not a new experience to me, more a life's experience. But there's something more than that, something I can't find words to express. More than crushing, more than invisible. Is it my lack of having a core???? I've tried for years to put back the pieces of a fragmented core. I've read every living being has a core. I'm not convinced. Too many things keep happening/shattering.

Does it go back to parental training, the instilling of your worth? If that never existed, where does the child, who believes is causing all this badness turn to build any kind of self value. And what if that worthless message gets delivered over a lifetime.

I'm told there are good people out there!!!!! Out where?????? I have found one in real life.

I'm more like a ghost of a person, someone who never really existed here in life. I can't connect with anything, things, people,myself, no connection. I have no trust, I doubt it ever existed in me. I think it's deeper than self hate. It's deeper than any words I can find to express, deeper than a feeling. I've searched, read, listened and craved to find anything I can identify with. I am deeply lost!!! I am out of reach. I fear I contaminate everyone, everything I come near, with a badness deep inside me.

[CheerBear]

Not a lot of words but lots of listening and hearing you @Maggie.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Listening here too @Maggie ..... lots of feelings for you ....

💜💐💜