rough time

[Maggie]

Me to @outlander  and again. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜☕️☕️🌻🌻🌻

[outlander]

thank you @Former-Member @CheerBear @Sans911 @Maggie for thinking of me
it is hard here and I cant get back up out of the dark hole ive quickly sunk into. the helpline i tried on sunday reinforced why i rarely use them and i found myself supporting the counsellor rather then getting support for myself. i don't know what to do. i cant really see much further then a few minutes at a time and even then it seems overwhelming.

[Gazza75]

Keep hanging in there @outlander .  I would suggest trying the help lines again if you need to. If your not happy with the person you get then I would call back and try your luck.  Try and remember all the positive things that you do and everything you have accomplished.  You juggle so many things and manage to do a vast array of jobs.  Most of can't even do a fraction of what you get through.

Maybe have a look at the Coping Box  thread for some ideas to help get you by.  

I'm happy to talk most days, but, I think you are more of a night owl. 

Lots of warm hugs and 

[Molliex]

🌻🌻🌻🌻❤️ @outlander. Thinking of you and sending hugs. Here even though I'm not saying much. ❤️🌻🌻🌻🌻

[Maggie]

@outlander  I was sitting here thinking about you, and decided to turn on my iPad and ask how you are, as I/we haven’t seen much of you the last few days, which is unusual.

Though I was relieved to see a post from you, I am sorry to hear things are so rough for you right now. I just wish I had the right words, anything, that might ease some of the pain you are going through. But I don’t. I will sit with you and listen if talking helps, or in quiet understanding of just being here with you.

You matter, though right now, you might not feel you do. 💕💜💕💜💕🌻🌻

[Maggie]

@outlander 

[Sans911]

Perhaps @outlander try the helpline via chat. And if you get a less than empathetic counseller try again a little bit later.

I'm sorry you're in that dark place. I know you've been there way too many times and I also know that you you will eventually get back up again.

And if you can't see further than a few minutes at a time go with that. It's OK to not be ok. Don't try to worry about what's ahead because no amount of worrying will change things. Trust and have faith that things will go your way and you will be taken care of (in relation to your surgery). I'm hoping that you will finally get rid of terrible pain, discomfort and infections. Once less problem to be concerned about.

You have your forum family by your side as they've always been. We're always wishing for better, encouraging you to keep going when it all seems too much and holding you up when you don't have the strength anymore.

Hugs for my angel 😇. Right here with you. 💜 ❤️ 💙

[outlander]

thank you @Molliex I very much appreciate your support :heart

thank you @Gazza75
I tried with the chat rather then the call, I tried ringing but I couldn't stay long enough to get an answer. I wasn't going to reach out to a helpline out of fear that would happen and after that it just sent my downwards more.
I feel my life is busy but theres nothing that's accomplished. its just... repetitive...

@Maggie your presence here means a lot to me, with or without words. i cant see your pic as yet though but i will keep an eye you

[outlander]

Thanks sis @Sans911 💜
i was on the chat rather then the call. i did try to ring but i chickened out and went online instead. thankfully it didn't take to long but it was unhelpful. before the strategies come along it was so much pressure to know what i wanted and how they could help it made me nervous just to be there. i couldn't really do much after that, i felt more out of sorts then i had when i contacted them.
My surgery does have me worried and its very quickly approaching but its also other things. theres a few issues in the family which is creating more pressure on me along the chain- meaning its not directly happening to me but whats happening close to me is needing me to be more helpful with the kids etc. and the other day i was playing a young girl in the family, shes only about 2 now and a comment that was made nearly made me loose it. i haven't been around many kids since the specialist appointment, found myself avoiding them actually but my cousin had said to me 'your so good with kids when are you going to have your own?' i know she meant nothing at all by it and normally it would've been a compliment but it pulled my heart strings a lot. things are just.. hard here. and a lot of my thoughts are wishing that i wasn't here and that i wont wake up the next day. a few plans had come to mind in those thoughts but have distracted myself abit till they passed over.
everything i do or anything that happens around me just makes me so emotional and teary i don't know what to do with myself. its hard to be strong all the time. it doesn't feel like theres much left there at all right now.

[outlander]

I feel like ive still got so much to do everywhere I look something needs to be cleaned or tidied up or something else needs to be done. its just staring at me, knowing it needs to be done but I move atm and I just get teary. I don't know whats gotten into me so much.