'How can we support you?' How would you answer this?

[Former-Member]

I have a meeting with the different people I work with coming up (a case meeting) and I've been asked to think about how they can best support me. I have been thinking about it a lot but nothing comes to me. To me it shows how 'stuck' I'm feeling, because if I could think of anything, I would be doing it myself. I'm trying to throw everything I can into getting out of my rut and don't want to miss an opportunity to be heard, but at the moment I have nothing to say. I'm super nervous about this meeting and trying to stay calm and I think it would be good if I could go in to it with something, anything. I know every person and their situation is unique, but maybe it would help to hear how others would respond.

So I'm wondering, if you were asked by a worker how they could support you, what might you say?

Thanks

[Zoe7]

Morning @Former-Member The first thing I would say is: to be listened to and know that I am actually being heard. Then I would like I hear from their point of view that whatever is put in place will be regularly monitored and adjustments made if needed to keep me feeling both supported and like I was moving forward. I hope that makes sense for you (in a roundabout way).

[Former-Member]

Hiya @Zoe7 thanks for replying and nice to see you 🙂 I really like the idea of needing adjust and monitor things. As for being heard i agree it's so important. I think sometimes 'fix it' people can have difficulty understanding how valuable listening and empathy can be. Definitely makes sense thanks.

I was thinking, i want to say something about how important it is to be able to tell the difference between when I'm just having a moment (aka flipping out) and when I'm actually in a bit of trouble. It's not at all helpful to overreact when it's a moment but even I don't even know how to tell the difference right now. I'm pushing it as far as where my headspace is heading and I guess knowing that is making me nervous. If I get to that 'in a bit of trouble' space, i can't see myself asking for help out because I will be too muddled then and wouldn't want it. But while I'm thinking straight I know I don't actually want to be or stay in a muddle. This probably makes no sense but I'm hitting post anyway so I can come back to this later.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member i agree with @Zoe7
I think being listened to and that they are actually paying attention to what your saying would be a good idea.
Them learning the difference between you just 'flipping out' and when tou really do need there help would also be important so they dont just jump at you and try to help you even at every slight thing you do.
Maybe you could ask for a "clear your head'" space that you can go to for a little while to recoup yourself?

[Zoe7]

It actually does make sense @Former-Member. When you are just 'flipping out' as you put it you are still able to recognise you are in some trouble and ask or respond to suggestions of 'help' but when you are really in 'trouble' you are unable to see past the moment you are in. 

Does that seem like what you were trying to say - or did I read it wrong?

Either way - this may seem like a really strange suggestion - and it really is a 'teacher' thing but may work for you as well - we give kids that have trouble regulating their emotions a set of cards that they can use when they are starting to feel anxious or losing 'control'. (of course when it is too late and they are super 'out of control' within themselves they can't use them).

It's like a traffic light system -

• green is it is ok I just need to breathe and refocus on what needs to be done (usually with help from a friend or an adult to explain a task)
• orange is I am feeling unsafe/frustrated and need to take a walk (or wahtever their activity is - could be hide in a corner for a little while or hug a teddy etc),
• red is I need time-out of the classroom before this escalates too far.

Maybe you could use a similar system to allow those around you to know how you are feeling and thus avoid firstly too much unwanted interference when you really are ok and secondly allow others to realise that the situation is escalating for you and you may need some support or space for a little while.

Just suggestions @Former-Member but often the non-verbal cues really take a lot of the anxiety out out of the situation for everyone involved.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member    For me I would ask three things.  In a softer tone, maybe with examples ....   but in a nutshell:

• Just try to understand
• Don't invalidate me
• know that I am really trying      

I haven't read any of the other responses, I will read them all.  But just wanted to throw in what immediateely came to mind before I did, or my mind would get super cluttered.

[Former-Member]

They are good ideas @Former-Member
Very simple yet effective 🙂

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7 that's incredibly helpful thank you. I'm going to have a look tonight at my own version of that and try and write some behaviours/thoughts that match each colour, for myself if nothing else. Maybe i can share it at the meeting and see if i can get on the same page with them a bit more.

And you're spot on - 'flip out' is me getting in a muddle, panicking, anxiety taking hold but im still able to verbalise it. I've had workers mistake this as being in need of intervention (overreacting) when really it's a reaction to something (a trigger/stress/somerhing unexpected) and time is all that's needed to stabilse. Reassurance can help me when I'm flipping out but I will come out of it myself if it's not there. Being in 'trouble' is me shut down, getting dark and twisty and heading down an ugly road. I would be unlikely to tell someone about it but if I'm speaking with a worker at the time it would sound shut down I think.

This has been a seriously helpful conversation/brainstorm thank you Zoe 💛

[Zoe7]

Spot on @Former-Member much simpler than my super long response!

[Zoe7]

Please to be of service @Former-Member *Zoe bows in recognition* lol

The super large bill is in the virtual mail as we speak lol