Just checking in.

[Teej]

PS @CheerBear . I need to know if you want fixit brain who wants to go through your post and understand some parts and possibly challenge them or for now do you need 'I’m in a dark hole' and I need someone to be here with me listening. I’m hoping I can do both equally effective. 

[CheerBear]

You are a big part of my motivation not to go down in a raging ball of fire @Teej 😘

Hurt and feeling seriously alone with that.

Thank you for being you and for noticing me ❤

[Teej]

I’m wondering if you had an answer to my last post @CheerBear . Likewise you have been a big part of my trying to climb out of my hole. 💜🤗

[Teej]

I think I want to share what I feel anyway. It’s not so much fixit brain but more a life observation. @CheerBear . Some people become known as 'the rock'. They seem confident and able to handle things that come their way. I have a friend who is a rock to everyone but that makes it pretty full on and no one considers how she is going (which is 99% fine most of the time) but she is human and has her needs to be met at times too. I think on here you are often seen as our rock. From where you sit it probably doesn’t feel it. I don’t know that I have an answer to that but I think you are right and it is about communicating. Since I’ve been going ok I have felt a bit of a disconnect here as well which I know I have to work through. I’m pretty confident you can have your needs met here too. I’m happy to edit this if you’d like. 

Edited to say needs met sounds a bit full on but it is the base of schema therapy and what my therapist comes back to all the time. 

[CheerBear]

I'm teary @Teej. I would like to work this out but I can't here without running the risk of doing something wrong. I'm afraid of doing something wrong. I don't know how to get back up and out of this pickle and I'm very sad about that.

I don't know what to say right now except a really big thank you. You've helped so much. You have been on my mind when I have been tempted to light a metaphorical match. I know that whatever happens I won't do that and I'm proud of myself for that and thankful for those, like you, who have really helped me tone down some fairly explosive tendencies. I'm a better person for the time I have spent here with you all and I'll carry that with me forever.

[lola]

take care CheerBear
Lola moderator]

[Teej]

It’s ok @CheerBear . I want to help but I don’t want you to put that pressure on yourself. I understand it. I’m thinking there might be some other channels to talk through your feelings about it if that is a helpful thing to do. 

Im here now in the hole with you sharing those really big feels and sharing my blanky with you. I will always believe in you. You hopes and dreams are something to hold on to. You will and already do make a difference in this world. 💜🤗

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @CheerBear @Teej 👋 

I have had a very busy time of it, running west to nurse an in-hospital baby dragon, then back east to try to recover from a week of missed classes, and somewhere in there I think I have missed a bit hurt for you too.

I have been reading when you are here and posting, and hoping to pick up the gist of it without pressuring you, and hoping to God that I haven’t hurt you in some way cos I definitely have a klutzy side ...... and I would like to think someone would let me know if it was me .....

I have definitely felt your not-presence here, like I am definitely missing others, one most recently and hard-felt ..... and it’s all hard, but sometimes it’s space that is required, and sometimes not, and it can be really hard to know ......

I’m a bit leaky at the moment too, with what is slipping away in the west, and sitting with “what’s next ?” and “how do I do this ?”  None of that stops me from missing you, holding you close in my thoughts, and waiting for something I can respond to with any confidence ..... so in the meantime, here are some unicorn flowers and a hug.

[Teej]

And yes @Faith-and-Hope  you are a rock here too 💜, and have been another of my rocks for soooo long now. Huge hugs to you for all that sometimes gets taken for granted for you too. 

💜🤗

[CheerBear]

Thank you for being such an awesome hole sitter @Teej and for believing in me like you do. Mega love ❤