Just checking in.

[CheerBear]

@Faith-and-Hope lots and lots of love for you and all you have to be leaky about 💗

My hurt is nothing you would have been able to see. You and I have had our hiccups but I think (I could be wrong though) that we do work it out and talk about it and have plenty of respect for each other and our situations. If anything I think our little hiccups may have even brought us closer together (again I could be wrong). You've never hurt me F&H.

Thank you for your kindness, your flowers and your hugs. Sending you some too 💗🌼🌸💐

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️🌈🌹 @CheerBear ......

[outlander]

@CheerBear  im just at work so i dont have to much time but have had a little  read and just adding to the voices  that would miss you heaps and do now but understand you  cant be here right now. Like others im hoping its nothing ive said but if there has been im more then ok to discuss it with you (or anything  else you  need)

Thinking of you lots and hoping some things are still going ok with your school stuff too. 

Big hugs and much love for the teariness and tough stuff @Faith-and-Hope 

Great to hear your your voting got done and your big girl pants are still on @Teej 

Thinking of you all but have to go now. My breaks almost over

💜💜💜

[Faith-and-Hope]

I definitely feel close to you @CheerBear , and hiccups are part of any relationship that is close enough to feel them .....

Hugs n hugs 💐💕

[Faith-and-Hope]

💙🌷 @outlander  ....

[Teej]

Some more observations @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope and all reading. These are just my observations from my experiences. 

The forum is such a complex beast. It is something I struggle with lots although am starting to work through what is important for me. In my early experiences I tried so hard to be wholly inclusive. I’d try to even monitor who I had missed. I read every post every day. 

When I was in crisis mode (which was always intense and frequent) I gradually became exclusive in that it got to a point that others would tag @Faith-and-Hope knowing she would be the one to help and part of that was true. There were always just a couple that would help support me. It kind of becomes like a support team. It is built from knowing what works for you. I’m pretty sure we can all see quite obvious support teams through the forum. I think we tend to see how one member (1) has helped another member (2) and then maybe assume that Member1 is the best support for member2. I know I’ve done that in the past and still do. That part I’d imagine feels a bit exclusive to new members and others trying to build their support team. I’m not sure how this is resolved though. I honestly don’t think that it’s because we don’t care but because we see others that we think are more helpful.

@CheerBear  I suspect there is a great deal of that happening with you and I. I am also making an assumption here that may not be correct from your side. 

I think it leaves us all feeling both a strong connection to some but maybe isolated or not good enough for others (my words and thoughts relating to me). It is also compounded so much when we all happen to be having periods of our own personal distress and are focussed more inwards. It sometimes means that support is not given as we need and that we don’t support as much as we have before. 

I have gone through so many stages on the forum over the years. I’ve learned so much. I’ve carried so many peoples pain, ive shared some really vulnerable stuff and been honoured to share others, I’ve laughed, been proud of members, celebrated with them and so it goes on. For a long time the forum was my life. Much of my sense of worth came through the forum. I’ve also struggled immensely with my chameleon traits and having different needs. For me it’s a work in progress. I still have moments of feeling like I don’t belong here and get angry at myself for things I think I have done wrong. I’m trying to ride that wave better. I also strongly believe that when we communicate the hard stuff (like conflict or feelings about a response that have hurt us) we all grow and become a stronger community. That’s my soap box talk for today! 

So many hugs for all that need it. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I think there is a lot in that post that I could have written @Teej .....  there are a lot of levels and overlays here, and I think for the most part we are all doing the best we know how, most of the time.

Sitting with you here .... along with anyone else who wants to / is able to .....

💐💕

[Teej]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope 💜🤗😘

[Teej]

Thanks too @outlander . I hope work is going ok. 💜🤗

[CheerBear]

Hugs @outlander. I think I need to make it super clear that my hurt has nothing at all to do with anyone here. It sucks to hear that someone is hurt and be left wondering whether we are part of that, and I am very sorry if my posts have done that to you or @Faith-and-Hope or anyone who might have read them. I am a big believer in addressing hurt that doesn't settle when and where we can (acknowledging that it isn't always possible and can also be so very hard to do). I think speaking about it is something we can do to work and grow together through things, exactly as you said @Teej. I also think it is important to be open about hurt when we can so others aren't left wondering 'did I play a part in this?'. No-one here has played a part in the ouch that I am feeling now.

I hear and agree a lot with what you wrote @Teej. My current hurt isn't this kind of thing, though you being one of a small number to have picked up on or cared to ask how I am feeling is that kind of thing I think. My hurt comes from here but not here. There are, as you mentioned, other channels to communicate but that is where my ouch is sitting at the moment. One of the biggest tricky forum things for me is when something feels wonky but we can't talk about it here and it doesn't help to talk to the people we can talk about it with. It's serious stuckness for me and a real downside of being here.

I feel like I've dug myself an even deeper hole today in a way and am questioning whether I've now made it harder for myself to get out of. I'm so conflicted though, believing we should talk when we can but being afraid to. In other way it has helped to talk, even if it has felt kind of scary.

It is very scrambled in my head 😐