APPROACHING SURE?

[Appleblossom]

Hi Bella Can see you there @Faith-and-Hope

Thanks @Former-Member

Yes I have come a long way from the hesitant shy stuttering girl in teens & 20s watching others jamming and feeling unsure how to join .. I have jammed on piano and sung with a couple local jazz greats .. in masterclasses.  I probably gave some people the pip when I first joined the forum as I was always going on about singing.

But strangely the sensation of being pushed out of things even in my own home or where I am up to date with all bills is very odd ... it is a pattern that returns again and again.... when do I stand ground and when do I move on.  my son is starting to give me respect .. but I had to fight for it after  disastrous marriage.

Tonight will be interesting at my new choir.

 I have not mentioned my 3 dreaded S words .. suicide and schizophreni and socialising there and I will try not to raise the issues, in an activist sense, but also dont want to feel forced to deny my loved ones.  Am hoping I can just naturally be me, without stress.

 I had been asked to leave 2 choirs .. a chamber choir, a year ago, and a church on Chris Eve.  For my part I kept up with fees & fundraisers and tried to be nice to people in both choirs, but due to what I believe is serious stigma have been asked to leave both.

Well tonight the chamber one is coming on to my turf to join my new choir.for a rehearsal and later perform together.

Maybe @Former-Member @Owlunar & @Former-Member or others .. might remember my posting about the ladyprez  who asked me to leave .. who works in the MH field.

I have reconnected with a few of the people I liked in that choir so the prez has not had more power in my life than she should in that regard.  I wonder if she will be there tonight and how it will go.  Hope I am well behaved and the Holy Spirit reigns even tho they are both secular choirs ... if you know what I mean ...

[Former-Member]

Crossing my fingers for you all goes well @Appleblossom. Will be here if not but have a strong feeling youve got this. I'm kind of annoyed for you in a sense you are not getting a break from her. I'm really hoping she doesn't turn up. All the best. 💜🤗💐😘

[Former-Member]

Also wishing you all the best my friend @Appleblossom and that all goes well doing what you love to do. I so sincerely want this for you and believe in you, that you can do this. It's time for you to have some happiness - you do sound so much better. All credit to you. Much love xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hiya @Appleblossom .... 🤗🌸💕

On my way out, but will catch you later ....,

💋Mwah .... hope it goes well ....

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Appleblossom ..... 🤗💕

Assuming choir is over tonight, and I hope it went well for you ....

HUG ❣

[Former-Member]

Fingers crossed it went ok and not too uncomfortable for anyone, especially you!

[Appleblossom]

I was a little anxious and it helped me seeing all your posts. Thank you.

Tonight went well.  Nobody uncomfortable. I reconnected with about 5 people in a warm way. A teacher who I stopped going to because of it, now understands why I dissappeared, so it will be nice to see her again. 

The lady prez managed to take in my presence, gave me a wave, with a gesture of keep my distance which I did, so no words..

Thinking about the standard of the conductors I have worked with since I left. I feel I have moved on well and have a much richer musical life.  She will have to put up with me in a few collaraborative ventures, Silly lady.  I am lucky that I can be a free agent, but I also have worked for it.

I Better go to bed.

 My son debriefed from his late rehearsal too .. creative types ..  involves some politicking but working with personalities in productive ways makes a big difference in final outcomes.  

[Faith-and-Hope]

Sounds good @Appleblossom .... pleased for you .... 😊💕

[Former-Member]

WELL DONE!!! @Appleblossom, glad it worked out. I so understand how hard it is to be around people who have treated you bad, but sounds like some of the others help make up for it. And pleased to see your focus is on them. Proud of you!

[Appleblossom]

Yes and another lady who I had accompanied 10 years ago was there .. and waved to me ..

She had been HORRIBLE to me for a long time excluding me and/or bulldozing me in conversation repeatedly and recruiting others into it..

I could not work out why, I may have looked a but startled exhausted, or had a black cloud travelling with me.  But she was a class act B.  She had been critical of my son at a critical time .. when I was trying to get him to do something .. anything ....

These days I present a lot better, my clothes are better, my face less worn with pain, and my manner more cheery.

I asked her friend what expertise she had .. none .. last week she snapped at some women talking at wrong time .. but it was fair .. I now take it that she has ACCEPTED me in the choir world.

I feel it is a repeat of the scenario .. when I was a teen and a girl used to dunk and bomb me at the pool and kick my head in .. charming .. and then invited me to join her gang ... I said thanks but no thankx.

SO how will APPLE manage these people in ADULT fashion .. 

FIRMLY APPLE .. BRISKLY ... dont be such a dag and too desperate for their approval ... 

I do think I was just a target, obviously vulnerable  .. and was told in my counselling course .. bullies go for it .. like moth to a flame.

I still think I should discuss the situation with the prez with the Royal Commission .. but will chew on it. her co prez .. a male .. is a pdoc and there is stuff re his organisation and her organisation that I want to bring up.  In harmony with the male coprez .. as he reached out and did not play clashy bossy games like the sheprez .. tho I will grant her chances ... it is bigger than .. me .. it involves my son .. my uncle .. etc etc ...and situations that should be exposed to the light. Her attempt to silence me and then oust me was late in the game .. but .. no excuse .. for a person in her level of authority ..

In the meantme .. the new hot gorgeous brilliant young conductor come up to me to chat .. and we touched on physics, schwa and personality politics in 2 mins .. like a house on fire .. I think they realise that I have moved on to better pastures ... cat licking the cream ....hmmmm