Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[SCORPION]

Very nice
it's 1am can't sleep too much pain physically and mentally and not sure want to anyway I feel my demons lurking so dark and lonely even when there is people around me. This place is a great ray of light. Stay well
scorpion

[hiddenite]

Im here with you scorpion another night becomes another day to get through. Even when we don't want to. ...we do...
take care
karen

[hiddenite]

Hey Anne

beautiful.
But I have no idea where to start. I still believe I deserve to be punished for not being good enough not doing enough.
I punish myself because my girls are hurting and it doesn't matter what I do I can't make it better
karen

[Former-Member]

I agree with everyone else that you are definitly amazing! you have strength inside you proven by the fact that you have survived and keep surviving this hellish stuff. Im not sure i have much to add except keep on keeping on, i hope that thins ease for you soon and that there is some light. Walking beside you...

LJ

[hiddenite]

Hi Kristin
sitting by the river today wondering if you are feeling any better
take care
karen

[hiddenite]

Hi Lj
thanks but at the moment my strength is coming from complete strangers who care for someone they don't even know.
I am very grateful for that support.
Karen

[hiddenite]

Had a complete meltdown today the man who has been saying awful stuff about me parked behind me at school. He sat there just glaring at me.
I was so scared I couldn't get out of the car. Panic attack im so weak and pathetic.
Why do I let men terrify me. And I cannot stand up for myself. I just allow people to hurt me.

[Former-Member]

I guess it doesnt matter where the strength comes from, its you who are choosing to accept it and use it, be kind to you. 

I get the fear and panic attack, when i see, hear or even see the same car that my ex drives i am struck by terror. its not weak or pathetic its a physiological response that our brains do without our choosing. occassionally just someone standng behind me in the checkout line etc can make me feel trapped and frozen. I'm sorry you have this extra problem going on at the moment, its not what you need.

Glad you are here, LJ

[Alessandra1992]

@SCORPION
hope you got some rest even if sleep not possible..it is an absolute hurdle when pain prevents sleep..
I remember years ago I kept getting really bad back pains, really bad and I couldn't figure out why it was happening and nothing really worked, well 2 panadol did zero..turns out...drumroll.. I had been drinking dandelion tea as a coffee substitute..7-8 cups a day.. My boss noticed and said "In Austria that is an extremely strong herbal medicine..one cup max..or will make your kidneys hurt..!". Um where are your kidneys? In your back..so quitting dandelion gave me a pain free nights sleep...
If only I would stop ageing, I would sleep like a baby...

[SCORPION]

Hi thanks got a about 2 hrs than had physc app not much sleep still in pain so that app went well.not!
came home went for a bike ride was going to get something out of the day.now I get to look forward to tonight!
Anyway thanks for your concerns .not much hope on pain front as it's the lovely metal plates that they used to put me back together.
Scorpion